Lord, what fools

These mortals be.

— Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, III, 2

The common curse of mankind,

Folly and ignorance.

— Shakespeare, Truilus and Cressida, II,3

Oh no, you aren’t seeing double or even triple, there is such a word as throuple that has entered the lexicon of language, our linguistic library, our wisdom of words, urban utterance, nuance of nouns. Enter the throuple. I mentioned it a few weeks ago, and if you missed it, a throuple refers to a couple plus one, making it three.

Yes, it’s a relationship that involves three people all joined in a union, cohabiting together as a happily married couple… er, make that throuple. A throuple is not to be trifled with. No wonder I headed this page with those two quotes up above, for the whole shebang smacks of folly and ignorance. What fools these mortals be..

Or are they? Who determines what’s folly or not, or who are the fools basking in ignorance? Who are we to determine what’s right and what’s wrong in this romantic rumblings and revolutions? Yes, romance can be tumultuous and does spin on its axis, sometimes in a wobbly way.

Single, double, throuple, which is better, to be alone in this world, hooked up with somebody, or to take it further, involved in a titillating threesome? We’ll find out right after these couple of responses to ‘Celibacy versus sex versus love’.

Hi Tony,

You ask the question, can there be love with celibacy? I would say yes, but very rare. Can you love a woman who refuses to have sex with you? Again, yes, but the love has to be real and deep. Also rare. Can there be sex without love? Yes, that happens quite often. There are cases where the wife loves her husband but is not in love with him, but she’s in love with her secret boyfriend and is having sex with both. Recreational sex is rampant, couples copulate just for the sheer pleasure of it and not necessarily for love. And there is the booty call. Is sex without love the root of all evil?

Sharon

Hey Teerob,

Celibacy, sex and love all have their place at one time. Of all three, celibacy is the one that has no place in my cabinet. Give me sex any day. Love usually brings pain and heartbreak.

Victor

Single, double, throuple, which is the best state to be in? The first two are well known to us and are conventional, but the third one is fairly new and not yet tested in the long term by the mass of men and women.

What is well known to us are the single and couples life, each has its merit, both have their flaws. To be single can be great, blissful, free as a bird as we go about life with nary a care in the world, free from emotional eruptions.

To be single and male can prove to be the best years of life. I say male, for history has shown that women don’t care much for the single life, as their ultimate goal is to be part of a couple.

Often we hear about men sowing their wild oats, to have the time of their lives as they enjoy the freedom of being single. Never will we hear of women sowing their wild oats while they were single.

“Norman was a real village ram back in his single life yu nuh, service every woman that him see.”

“Sheila really sowed her wild oats when she was single, hopped into bed with every man she met.”

Now, which of those two sentences seems more acceptable? See my point, men sow wild oats, women should lay fallow, not lay fellows. So to be single and male is what I’m focusing on. In that state, the world is your oyster, and the common belief is that oysters are the ultimate aphrodisiac.

A single man has the pick of the litter and can litter wherever and whenever he pleases, often leaving his own litter in his wake. There is no one there to say, “Pick that up, don’t leave that there, put away those socks, put down the remote.” A single man can move from woman to woman and pleasure them all.

But being single has its drawbacks, and at times it all seems too good to be true. It can mean vulnerability, especially if you happen to get sick. Who will be there to comfort you and take care of your needs in your moment of distress? Who will be there to bathe you down, soothe your discomfort and administer your balm?

All those young girls who you used to squire won’t stick around when you get sick. I know this guy who had Chik-V during the last outbreak, and it was his wife, not his mistress, who had to do all the nurse duties. Which young girl, during his wild oats days, is going to do that? Men do need wives to nurse them as they grow older.

Hey, is not me say so, but the older folks always express that, and even English philosopher Francis Bacon wrote, “Wives are young men’s mistresses, companions for middle age and old men’s nurses.” So basically, to be single is a young man’s privilege and is often admired. A young single woman though, is given a name, often used disparagingly… spinster. It’s a name that should be shed as quickly as possible. “Thirty and still single, when are you getting married my dear?” There is no equivalent name for a single man, except perhaps, available.

The couple is always a union that is sought after, especially by the female. That is her ultimate goal as chronicled by historians. It validates her very existence.

“Is this Sharon Smith from our primary school days?”

“Er, yes, but I’m Belnavis now.”

No longer is she viewed as the last loaf on the shelf, the what-leff, the wallflower, the discarded and forgotten by society. She is now somebody. That’s why women who are divorced still keep their married last name to prove that they were once coupled. That hyphenated last name is proof that she’s not a spinster, but was chosen.

Women feel comfortable being part of a couple, as it gives them the security that they yearned for. What they do with it and how they act after the union is another matter, but being a part of a couple is their goal.

Men enjoy being part of a couple too, but it has been said that men who are so entrenched often sit and look out the window of wonder and wistfully wish, even fleetingly, for the single life. In contrast, women who are single gaze out that same window from the other side and wish for the couples life.

So now we have the throuple, where not one, not two, but three people living in harmony. “Do you take these two women to be your wives, to love and to hold, till debt do you part?” Yes debt, as it can be quite expensive. Truth be told, that is the dream of most men, and some do fulfil that fantasy of having another woman on the side — the mistress.

But what stress this brings, for he has to juggle his time, tell lies, sneak around and also try to please both women in different ways. He can’t let the wife find out, and he has to convince the mistress that he loves her… but just give him some time to sort things out.

With the throuple though, he can be honest, please both women equally and with no stress. He can go home and say, “Hi honeys, I love you both, let’s go to bed.” What ultimate joy. It’s a trend that’s growing in the USA, with throuples even buying homes together as they live in communal bliss. That’s where I saw it first, on HGTV where this throuple was buying a house.

But wait a minute, there’s nothing new under the sun. Many African men have been having multiple wives for centuries. They just didn’t give it a name. But in this part of the world, ‘there’s danger in tham thar hills’, as nothing is perfect. To have one nagging wife can be hell, but to have two nagging women must be the ultimate nightmare. Double the trouble for the man in the throuple.

Then he has to remain young and virile, sexually vibrant forever in order to service both women at the same time. Inevitably his days are numbered, for most likely those two women are going to gang up on him and force him out of the equation. I saw a movie like that once, where the guy brought home his lover to his understating wife and eventually both women kicked him out of the bed. Life imitates art.

So the throuple may seem to be an appealing affair, promising pleasure, but be careful, for one into three always leaves one extra, plus two pon one is murder. More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: It’s often said that a prophet is without honour in his own country. And that’s so true. Mary Seacole was a pioneer and trailblazer in the field of nursing in Jamaica and also Britain, where she accomplished so much and basically changed the course of nursing history. Yet there are many Jamaicans who do not know of the tremendous achievements of this great lady. Today, the Mary Seacole Foundation is having a grand celebration at the Institute of Jamaica in honour of this great Jamaican stalwart’s life. I’ll tell you in the future what the long-term plans are. In the meantime, do some research on Mary Seacole. Google and YouTube have plenty information.