By this marriage

All little jealousies which now seem great,

And all great fears which now import their dangers

Would then be nothing.

— Shakespeare, Antony and Cleopatra, II, 2

Beware the Ides of March. Those famous words were spoken in Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar , warning Caesar of his assassination. That event which took place on March 15, 44BC, has become known as an unlucky date for more than just Caesar. Today, March 15, is the Ides of March, which is a significant day in the Roman calendar. But let’s get to the meat of the matter, that of marriages and prenup protection. Marriage, jealousies, fears, danger are the words that appear in the quote above.

Why are such scary words associated with marriage, isn’t that union supposed to be a wonderful and joyous experience? Well, actually it can be, if you manage to get the right person to hook up with. But if you don’t, welcome to hell, for dog nyam yu supper.

Even with a good marriage though, there can be problems, crosses and discord. After all, you’re taking two different souls and putting them together under one roof. Many of these problems could have been avoided though, if you just took the time to do your due diligence and put certain things in place before you tie that knot.

That’s right, some sort of prenup protection to safeguard you from what’s going to come down the line. The experts say that it’s best to have some sort of protection, so that when the wedding cake hits the fan, you won’t get spattered by the deluge.

It’s pretty much like the prenups that rich people have to protect their assets before they get married. “Imagine, she come to the marriage with nothing, but want half of what I own when she divorce me, no way.” So before you take that plunge, make sure that you have prenup protection, even though it’s not what you think it is in this case. We’ll go down that aisle today, right after these non-violent responses to ‘A history of violence’.

Hi Tony,

Your column raises some questions: is violence inherited or learned? I tend to think the latter. If someone is always around violent people, that person will learn to become just as violent, as that is their norm. Then there are situations that present themselves like the man in the movie you mentioned that makes a supposedly meek and mild person bring out his suppressed violence. As for violent crimes, they occur mostly because there is no real punishment to deter those types of actions. Laws need to be very strict and enforced for violent crimes. Whatever happened to hanging for first degree murder without any shadow of a doubt? Too drastic?

Gordon

Tony,

Let’s face it, we are a violent people. If you look at a man cross way, it can spell trouble. Men are beating and killing women and even children. Where did we get this murderous streak from? What is the cause of this wanton carnage? It’s in the home, the schools, the streets. We do have a history of violence, and it’s being written in blood even as we speak.

Simone

I was having a discussion with some gentlemen regarding marriage and what should occur before. Both were divorced, but one has children with his partner who doesn’t live with him. So naturally, the subject of women and marriage came up. One had a simple solution to marriage problems: “If people spoke the truth before they got married, there wouldn’t be any problems.”

Sort of like a verbal prenup protection, where you lay your cards on the table and let each other know what to expect. No room for surprises there, as that prenup would protect you from future discord. The theory is, just speak the truth about your likes, dislikes, preferences, peeves and expectations.

Here’s how it’s supposed to go. You meet someone and show interest, but before you take one step further, you either verbalise or take out a pen and paper to express your truths. “I’m a lazy, dirty, selfish man who only has interest in sex.” By so doing, your potentially future spouse would know exactly who you are before she goes any further.

To be forewarned is to be forearmed, so it’s now up to her to decide whether she can deal with such a man. That prenup protects her from finding out that he’s really that type of man years after they got married.

On the woman’s part, she could say or write down, “I am a woman who is not really into this sex thing too much, but I will allow you occasionally.” So by expressing that prenup both parties would go into the marriage knowing what to expect. But that’s in a perfect world, right?

I put it to you, if a woman who you just started to date told you that she doesn’t like sex, would you continue to see her? So there is some merit to telling the truth before things go any further.

The thing is, most people tell lies or hide the truth about themselves before they get married. After all, it’s those lies that make you seem more appealing to your prospective spouse.

Can you really picture a used car salesman telling you about the flaws of the vehicle that he’s selling? “It burns oil like crazy, the mileage is poor, it had been in five accidents and the engine block is cracked.” Would you buy that car? Certainly not. And yet, many people spend more time and effort checking out a car before they buy it than they do a prospective partner. That being said, it’s really unrealistic that people will tell the truth about each other before tying the knot.

Is marriage built on a tissue of lies, truth, or dare? My bredrin insists that’s why couples should lay out their prenup before they take the plunge. I still say that it’s unrealistic, as no one is going to really speak the truth before the ring goes on.

Men are not going to do it and certainly not women. Even in the church where some couples hook up, that does not happen. No church sister is going to tell her new boyfriend, “Before I got saved I used to have sex with multiple men, including pastor.”

Oh yes, that prenup protection also includes premarital sex, as no way do I recommend getting married before knowing what the sexual compatibility is. Again, I make reference to buying a used car. No way would you buy that car before taking it for a test drive. Having sex before marriage is akin to a test run, a spin around the block, a revving of the engine, a mashing of the brakes, climbing steep hills and careening around sharp corners.

Only then will you be satisfied that the car is roadworthy and suits your needs. Can you imagine marrying each other and discovering on the wedding night that the your man has a one-inch penis? Can you imagine on the honeymoon night finding out that your wife is large in her privates or small as a thimble?

That’s why premarital sex is important. The folks opposed to that still insist that telling the truth before marriage would militate against those problems. Here’s the scenario, you meet the girl, and after a few dates you confess to her that your penis is one inch long when erect. Or conversely, it’s over nine inches long. In both cases the woman would think twice. So I guess there is some merit in telling the truth before things get too far along.

But the real proof of the pudding is in the eating, so prenup sex would solve that problem. Hmm, maybe it can work after all. Having a prenup provides some sort of protection for both partners. You cannot buy puss inna bag, but you can certainly show your hand, your true colours and explain exactly who you are… in a perfect world.

In the meantime, people will continue to put forth their best image and not tell who they really are until after they say ‘I do.’ But in many cases, that can be a part of the fun of marriage, finding out those little nuances… as long as they’re pleasant and not ghastly.

Prenup protection, yes, but nothing is foolproof, so enjoy the ride.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Coronavirus is invading the world, and people are afraid, with good reason. This epidemic can prove to be deadly for mankind. Remember, the Spanish Flu of 1918 wiped out between 80 and 100 million people worldwide. Interestingly the ordinary seasonal flu kills over 20,000 people annually in the USA, yet we hardly hear much fuss about that. Also suddenly, dengue seems to have disappeared, as coronavirus has taken over the spotlight, relegating dengue to a has been. Many theories exist about coronavirus, its origins, its infectiousness, its virulence. As all epidemics do, it will run its course and eventually go away, leaving a deathly wake behind, until the next health scare pops up.