FOR the last four years I have convinced myself that I am happy being single and a good companion will come when he comes. Probably the toughest part is parenting on my own. I have never felt lonely as I have a good support system of friends and family who afford me the opportunity to be alone when I need it.

COVID-19 caught me completely off guard — I have never experienced this kind of loneliness before. Not being able to go out over the last six weeks has been painful. I miss hanging out, I miss hugging my friends. I even miss going to the office every day and interacting with my colleagues. A very good friend called me recently and shared that she was having a hard time in isolation and I should be thankful I have my children, at least, as constant company. Her assertion taught me to be grateful for what I have, but as I shared with her, I have had days when I felt like I was at rock bottom. She asked how I managed to keep sane.

I consciously decided to not just stay safe in COVID-19, but to stay sane. Staying safe for a social butterfly like myself initially meant keeping in touch with my friends, family abroad, and even a love interest. It was the love interest that woke me up — I was constantly calling or texting without any consideration for his own agenda until one day he said it out loud — “you call too much”. I woke up. I woke up to the fact that the only person responsible for my happiness is me and so I went on a mission to enjoy my own company.

So I shifted my mindset. I grew up in a strict Adventist home and my grandmother insisted on worship every morning by 5:00 and again in the evening except on Saturdays when we went to church. The islandwide curfew sends me to bed earlier than usual which means I wake up earlier too, and so I start my mornings with devotion. It also gives me some well-needed, quiet time to centre myself before getting into the bustle of the everyday. Some mornings I listen to old hymns (my favourite by the way) and say my prayers. I have been practising mindful meditation for a few years now and so some mornings I opt for that more modern kind of vibe.

I am blessed to live on a beach, but never stopped to quite enjoy the luxury of it as I would be through the door by 6:00 am trying to beat the morning traffic for school drop-offs. I have not actively exercised for over five years and COVID-19 has afforded me this wonderful opportunity to lose unwanted weight with morning runs/walks on the beach. I have rediscovered my love for literature — from 19th century English classics to romantic poets, I am drowning my senses in great literature. And, of course, there is Netflix for the cheesy movies I missed!

I get to cook everyday now and delight in watching the girls bake or experiment with food. I am discovering who my daughters are, how much they are me, and how unlike me they are at the same time. COVID-19 has been allowing me to live in the present, enjoying the moments for what they are, and being hopeful for the future.

Now is the time for single women to fully invest in ourselves. Use the time in solitude to rediscover YOU, recharge, renew, and be ready for the opportunities to come.

Coleen Antoinette is a lover of culture and people. She is currently the director of marketing communications at the Edna Manley College of the Visual and Performing Arts. Share your experiences with her at coleenantoinette@gmail.com.