You common cry of curs!

Whose breath I hate

As reek o’ the rotten fens,

Whose loves I prize

As the dead carcasses of unburied men.

— Shakespeare, Coriolanus, III, 3

That prefix, ‘un’, that comes before a word really is a powerful negative, as it changes the entire meaning and complexion of the word. Just picture the difference between buried and unburied carcasses and you see what I mean. Confusing the two can be a grave mistake.

I think that it really has the most meaning and relevance when it comes to relationships though, of man and woman business which somehow seems to consume the thoughts and deeds of people nowadays.

It’s the fear factor, the prefix that changes the whole dynamic of what goes into two people having a successful relationship or not. It’s the ‘un’ word of relationships that makes brave men cower and anticipating women very disappointed.

Put that ‘un’ before even the best word in the world and see how hopes and dreams collapse. Now, before you get confused with my literary leaning, I’ll explain it all to you, right after these not so seductive responses to my take on ‘Seduction’.

Hi Tony,

I believe Robert Greene says it best in his book, The Art of Seduction, that seduction is a game of psychology, not beauty, and it is within the grasp of any person to become a master of the game. He also states that a seducer does not turn the power on and off, but every social and personal interaction is seen as a potential seduction. There is never a moment to waste. The target of the seduction must experience a feeling of pleasure, of being taken past our limits of being overwhelmed by another person, by an experience. There is, however, one fact that we all agree on, that women are better seducers that men. They can practice on me anytime.

Conrad

Hey Tony,

I’m glad that you mentioned in your article that seduction is a dying or dead art, just like Latin is a dead language. Women nowadays do not know what it is to be seduced, and men certainly do not know how to seduce. Neither has the patience for it. I don’t know which died first, but women are more forthcoming and bold, and a man just has to show up and take his pick. No fancy words of poetry or prose, but just a wad of cash and she accepts. I see it all the time.

Simone

Okay, now on to that ubiquitous prefix ‘un’, that puts a whole new spin on words, transforming them from positive to negative in a flash, especially in the romance department. Let’s take the word lovable, which is such a sweet romantic word, conjuring up images of hugs, kisses and all that goes into loving and being loved.

But put that ‘un’ before it and you have one of the worst words possible — unlovable. Has anyone ever called you unlovable, or have you been involved with someone who is? There are people who are unlovable, and heaven help anyone who has the misfortune of not only encountering one, but being involved with such a person.

There are women who are unlovable, and they go through life displaying all the misery, angst and cantankerousness of a Tasmanian Devil. No man can please them and they find fault with everything and everyone who cross their path. Their words are full of criticism as they spew nothing but negativity wherever they go. “All men are dogs and can’t be trusted.”

Many times they are attractive and men will be drawn to them, but after a short time that un-factor takes its toll and the man has to depart. “Man, she’s like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, miserable beyond belief, impossible to love.” Maybe they need a T-shirt that says, ‘Unlovable.’

Have you ever seen some beautiful women who just can’t manage to maintain a meaningful relationship, but leave a trail of exes behind them? That’s because they are unlovable. Ironically, people who are unlovable usually love one person — themselves. To take it further, put that ‘un’ before marriage and you have women who are unmarriageable, despite their great looks and accomplishments. Jamaicans may say, “Unmarryable, nuh body nuh waan to married to dem.”

On the male side there are men who are unambitious, lacking ambition, not motivated or driven by a strong determination to succeed. This can be such a destroyer of relationships. Maybe he started out differently and she saw something in him, but somewhere along the way, he simply quit and decided to hit the pause button on his life. He’s young, smart, but has no ambition to do anything or get ahead in life, but depends on the woman to carry them both.

That will destroy any relationship, as the woman simply cannot bear the burden of carrying everything on her back. She has to shed the dead weight, the unburied carcass of the worthless man.

Unforgiveness may be the most powerful of all, as this can prove to be such a millstone around the necks of people. Somehow it seems that women tend to not forgive, more than men. At least that’s what the men tell me. I have a good friend whose ex-wife still has not forgiven him for having an affair decades ago, even though the man has moved on, remarried and is happy. She still remains angry, cantankerous and refuses to speak to him, even after over 30 years.

A woman will bear a mantle of unforgiveness towards some man who wronged her eons ago, forever and ever, amen. I also know this lady who had a relationship with a much older man when she was a teenager. She got pregnant and has not forgiven the man since, even though that child is now over 40 years old.

Naturally, this not only affected her relationships with other men, which always ended in disaster, but also affected the child, who grew up with this same feeling of anger and suspicion towards men. Being unforgiving can destroy generations of relationships. It’s said that unforgiveness is a poison that pollutes your spirit.

Being unsuspecting can be good or bad, for it’s said that what you don’t know can’t hurt you. I don’t know who said that, perhaps it’s the same person who said that ignorance is bliss. Many women are unsuspecting of what men are up to, although the cynics will say, “You think that she don’t suspect? She only playing fool to ketch wise.” But when a man is unsuspecting of his woman, then he’s taken for a fool. “Look at that damn fool, don’t even know that his wife is carrying on with his best friend.”

Even characters in Shakespeare’s plays warned of this. “Page is an ass, a secure ass, he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous… God be praised for my jealousy.” That’s from The Merry Wives of Windsor. I wonder why they were merry?

Undesirable is another killer of romance. Recently a lady told me that her man always wanted to make love to her and that sometimes she couldn’t manage. I told her to embrace it, love it, hug it up and be thankful that after so many years and two children he still desired her so much.

“How would you feel if he no longer desired you and you became one of the undesirables?” I asked. It’s no fun not to be desired, not wanted sexually, feeling like a pariah, but sadly, there are men and women who are living that sad experience.

Still, there are instances where the prefix ‘un’ has no practical or logical meaning and is totally irrelevant. You can unscrew a light bulb, but not a virgin. You can’t unbreak a broken heart in spite of what the song says. But you can unfriend someone if you wish, striking them from your list of cyberfriends.

Unfathomable, you would say, unmitigated gall, unsavoury? Some things are simply unpardonable as some people are unmasked for who they really are. Do not take the prefix ‘un’ lightly, for when affixed to the right words, it exposes many in our society. As Shakespeare said, ‘That was the most unkindest cut of all.’

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: What great pride that young Wolmer’s boy brought to his family, school and Jamaica by winning the prestigious Checkmate Coronavirus Rapid Open online World Chess Championship, staged by the International Chess Federation, beating over 565 competitors from 56 countries from around the world. Chess is an ancient and very difficult game to master and takes a great deal of intellect, skill and patience to be proficient.

This is really a big deal and that’s why Ian Wilson, QC, former president of the Jamaica Chess Federation, is so passionate in his belief that all Jamaicans should play chess. He took it to the inner city with great success. Again, I applaud young Jaden Shaw, first former at Wolmer’s, for making us all proud. Congrats KC for being crowned Lacrosse champions… again.