“The beginning is always NOW.” – Roy T Bennett

The Unlikely Gardener has never been indecisive a day in her life — stubborn, yes; indecisive, no. When she doesn’t know exactly how to do or what to do, she navigates her terrain, does a little reading, learns on the job and gets it done without excuses. If shy of the mark, boldly, she wheels and comes again with a little more oomph. Naturally, this was her Type A personality approach to the seemingly barren land that was now her garden.

The end goal is to open the front door and step right into a quintessential country garden. Unless desert or country western is your landscaping vibe, everyone loves a lush green, grassy garden (no thin-skinned political offence intended). Knowing absolutely nothing about grass, I quickly learned that I had two local options — zoysia or crabgrass.

Zoysia

Zoysia is said to be a housewife’s lawn carpet dream. It thrives in our climate and is beautiful when manicured. When well cared for, it’s not only aesthetically pleasing but can also be soft to the foot bottom depending on the cultivar. It’s also not highly susceptible to foot traffic wear and tear. It’s very hardy and doesn’t need copious amounts of water to maintain its glamour. The only commonly reported downside is that depending on when and how cut, it can get very thick and can be difficult. Like many other plants, it’s disease-prone specifically to brown patch, leaf spot and rust. When discoloured, it’s quite unattractive. However, there’s very little that fungicide and plant mummying can’t cure.

Crabgrass

If you Google crabgrass right now, the majority of the results will be geared towards getting rid of it. For example: “How to Kill Crabgrass and Prevent it from Returning”, “Need Help Killing Crabgrass? Follow These Steps…”. People also ask: “What Kills Crabgrass and not Grass?”. Big surprise to the Unlikely Gardener, crabgrass is a big bad horticultural weed. Frequently compared to its aquatic namesake, the crab, it generally stays low to the ground and moves quickly along its terrain on multiple hairy legs. It’s a fast grower and spreads rapidly. Agriculturally, crabgrass is popular with livestock that enjoys the graze.

My Lawn

So of course, in light of the above, the Unlikely Gardener, over dinner, mentioned to her St Elizabeth native partner that she was in the process of procuring rolls of zoysia. Amongst the horticultural arguments, Zoysia, of course, the champagne of grasses would be more befitting of her profile (just kidding). Big mistake — this was one of the times where it would have served best to inform the mister of the acquisition post-procurement. After rigorous intellectual debate, the Unlikely Gardener ended up at Best Buds the next day and left with bags of gold mulch, decorative blocks and rolls of crabgrass.

In Saint Elizabeth and in rural Jamaica, crabgrass is the grass and having invested heavily in it, I have become a passionate lover. It might not be the champagne of grasses but it’s definitely a solid burgundy. It is extremely gorgeous when well-maintained and has fabulous colouration, especially when freshly cut. Although it takes a lot more maintenance than zoysia, it’s still durable, isn’t disease-prone, withstands a considerable amount of foot traffic and is pleasing to walk on barefoot. However, because it’s a weed you can’t use any weed killers but as with zoysia and other grasses, fertiliser (eg urea, ammonia sulphate or all-purpose) can be applied and works well.

After purchase and the positioning of the grass in the barren spaces, the Unlikely Gardener learned that it wasn’t a jigsaw puzzle. You can’t just unroll the turf like a carpet and then let it be great. It would also have to be rolled/pressed and that in itself is an art form. Thankfully, two-and-a-half days a week, my trusted and very resourceful millennial gardener, Renardo, took on the tedious task of renting a roller to achieve the end result. The Unlikely Gardener learned that in order to effectively roll the lawn to perfection, the grass has to be damp and the roller has to be the right weight (not too heavy).

To the Unlikely Gardener, it is on rare occasion that a good Burgundy trumps a glass of Champagne. This is certainly one of them…