You’ve asked and we’ve answered! Welcome to your weekly column ‘Planning Your Happily Ever After’ with wedding consultant Shikima Hinds, who will each week spotlight all the questions you’ve been asking since COVID-19 was added to the guest list!

Dear Shikima:

My fiancée and I are planning to get married in September 2020 and were going to go through with the new number of persons the Government is allowing as the number permitted has now increased. My problem is I sent out my save the date to over 180 persons and now that we’ve decided to cut down the guest list (my choice and by required regulations), I feel awkward as if I am uninviting people who already started making plans to attend my wedding. What do I do or say?

Melissa

Dear Melissa:

This is an unfortunate situation to be in. Things are changing rapidly as the world has turned upside down by the COVID-19 pandemic. This has forced a lot of brides to make some really hard decisions.

It’s tough to choose guests from a list that’s maybe twice the length. Retracting invites and reducing the guest list dramatically to adhere to current regulations while keeping relationships with family and friends intact will require some delicate conversations.

First, have a conversation with those from your core group — immediate family and your closest friends — regarding their availability to attend the wedding and if they are comfortable doing so. Don’t assume everyone will be. This will help you with your initial numbers.

For guests from whom you need to retract the invitation, it’s best to do so with a personal touch. A telephone call, video calls, or even in person, if possible, would be a polite way.

Advising guests via text or message on social media is a no-no; that is too impersonal. It’s best to let people know of this change of plans with as much notice as possible, especially if travel is involved.

When having the conversation with the guest whose invite you are retracting, emphasise to them it is not personal, that it is a hard decision for you, but that you look forward to celebrating with them in other ways. I’m sure they will understand this difficult situation.

I think everyone knows what’s happening with the pandemic; you therefore do not owe your guests an explanation why one guest is invited and another is not.

For Guests

If you’re an invited guest to a wedding but don’t feel comfortable attending, tell the couple as soon as possible and be honest but polite. The bride and groom should understand and respect your decision and comfort level regarding the virus. If you have not sent back an RSVP, simply RSVP no.

I’m sure that eventually weddings will once again be an enthusiastic and joyous celebration without the pandemic-infused stress.