I will tell you: he beat me grievously

In the shape of a woman;

For in the shape of a man,

Master Brook, I fear not Goliath

With a heaven’s beam,

Because I know also life is a shuttle.

— Shakespeare

That guy was beaten severely as he was dressed as a woman, reminding me of the term “I’ll slap you and call you Suzy”. But if he was dressed as a man it would be more difficult to beat him. Yes, men beating women is an act that’s as old as time itself.

Maybe it’s because men were always bigger, stronger than women and held females as their property, their chattel, even their slaves. After all, it was the common notion of the day that a man was obliged to beat his property, whether it be a horse, donkey, mule, or woman.

The Bible makes reference to this, and exhorts men to respect their women. ‘Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.’

‘Not a drunkard, not violent, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.’

But it also warns women in Timothy 2:12: ‘I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man, rather she is to remain quiet.’

Now, that’s what many men cling to. But Shakespeare counters this in As You Like It, by saying: ‘Do you not know that I am a woman, when I think I must speak?’

Despite all these sayings admonishing men from beating women, or warning women not to provoke men, there are men who still beat women and will continue to do so. We’ll find out why, right after these gentle responses to ‘Matrimonial rape’.

Hi Tony,

Matrimonial rape is a criminal act in both Canada and the USA. When one spouse sexually assaults the other, forcing the spouse to have sex against his/her will, I would think that like any other crime, the accused is considered innocent until proven otherwise in a court of law. Interestingly, the traditional definition of rape in the USA is the forced sexual intercourse by a man with a female not his wife. Now, that’s one for the books.

Cedric

Hello Tony,

What are you talking about when you say that matrimonial rape is real? What rubbish. When I was single I spent lots of time, effort and money trying to get women to sleep with me. But now that I’ve finally invested in a permanent sexual partner, I’m to be denied? What’s the point? If you’re on the road you’re called wild, but when you make it legal, she stops giving you pleasure. A man’s wife is to obey him and give him sex when he wants it, otherwise he’s back on the streets. Why did she get married then? Hiss me teet.

Douglas

Men have been beating women for centuries, and some take pleasure in it. Perhaps back in the old days a man would beat his woman just to keep her in line, to make her know who’s in charge. Maybe that beating was just meant to blanket cover any transgressions that she may have committed. It was Confucius who was reputed to have said, “When man beats wife he doesn’t know why, but she does.”

That’s why we’ll often hear, “Yeah man, I lay it on every now and then to cover all the bases.”

“Lord him beat me again, is how him find out what I did?”

But the beating of women is no laughing matter, even though some men take it as a joke, even referring to it as the ‘laying on of hands’, boasting to their cronies that they do so on a regular basis.

Other men beat their women on the quiet, and if you see those guys you’d never know, as they act as if they can’t mash ants — real wolves in sheep’s clothing. It’s sometimes met with scepticism.

“Say what, that decent mannerly quiet man beat women? No way.”

But that’s the deception of many beaters, for it’s been said that the Devil often disguises himself as a man of peace. Heck, even parson beat dem wife too. But why? Well, the reasons are varied, and believe it or not, one seems to be from a genetic/environment/association combination.

Boys who see their fathers beating women will also turn out to be beaters. It’s normal behaviour in their world, and monkey see monkey do. This doesn’t happen in every single case, but there does seem to be a pattern, backed up by scientific research.

“He’s from a long line of beaters, his grandfather was a beater, his father was a beater, so is he, and more than likely his son will follow suit.”

One main reason that men beat women is insecurity and low self-esteem. Deep down he feels inferior to the woman, and perhaps he really is. So to exert his masculinity, he uses the only method that he has that’s superior — his brute strength.

Maybe she’s smarter than him, more educated, more intelligent, so the only way that he can bring her down is to beat her up. He may also have a deep fear of her retaliating, so he makes sure that doesn’t happen.

Sometimes women will join my karate class in order to learn how to defend themselves, but only to stop after a short while, sometimes even after one class. Upon investigation, I discover that the reason is, their boyfriends or husbands forbid them from going any further.

“Yu tink that yu going to learn karachi and come beat me nuh? No way.”

I have seen it so often over the years, and wonder why these women allow themselves to be subjugated by these insecure men.

Then there are men who beat their women for sexual gratification. In some warped, weird way, by beating her it turns him on sexually, and that’s the only way in which he can perform. In some bizarre way also, there are some women who get turned on by this.

Backchat is another reason why men beat women, for just like children, women must be seen and not heard. That’s his mantra and he’ll even quote the Bible to corroborate his action.

That’s how he grew up, seeing his father being the master and his mother keeping her mouth shut as she’s cowed into submission.

“Honey, who was that I heard you talking to on the phone?”

“Don’t ask me nuh question, I’m a big man… hold dis.” Slap, slap.

I remember seeing this interview with Ambassador Aloun Assamba who shared her experience of being beaten by her then husband. She said that one time he beat her because she wouldn’t speak French in the company of his friends, even though she knew the language. It took great courage for her to share her ordeal publicly, and I applaud her for it. Many other women endure their hell in silence, as they are perhaps ashamed.

There is no shame in being a victim, the shame should lie with the perpetrator. That being said, there are some women who actually provoke men to beat them and will do almost anything to dare the man to hit them.

I have witnessed women annoy, embarrass and irritate men, making them snap and retaliate by hitting. Then they cry foul. Most men will tolerate it, but every man has a tipping point where he simply breaks from that last straw and let slip the dogs of war.

Have you ever wondered how some women have the grave misfortune of having been beaten by almost every man that they became involved with? Is it a bizarre coincidence, or is it that they subconsciously seek out these beaters?

I remember back in my younger days I used to see a young lady who suffered from a string of beaters. After a few weeks I realised why, as she was the most cantankerous, annoying, nagging, miserable, ill-tempered woman I had ever known. I had to flee that scene. Even though I don’t condone it, I could understand why a weaker man would beat her. Years later she got married and her husband beat her too.

I have begged female friends of mine in the past, “Don’t annoy your husband, stop accusing him, stop embarrassing him in public, stop badgering him as he walks in through the door.” Some heeded, but others didn’t and paid the price of a pugilistic pummelling.

Strangely enough, many uptown men do not beat women who cheat on them as perhaps the hurt and shame are too great. But a few will snap and lives are lost — hers and his. The sad statistics have shown this. It’s not the actual sexual cheating that hurts the man, but the deception by the woman who took all that he gave her and then deceived him by being with another man.

And finally, a man will beat his woman because he can get away with it. He knows that there’s nothing that she can do about it… until.

But despite all this, the best quote I have for men who go down that awful path is, “An advice to men, treat women the same way you would want your daughter to be treated.”

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Kamala Harris has been chosen to be the running mate of Joe Biden for the upcoming US election. This is a huge fillip for the campaign as she not only embodies intelligence, grace and class, but is of multi-ethnicity, having an Indian mother, Jamaican father and married to a white American. To add to that, she is a beautiful woman, and trust me, that helps. Many Jamaicans are proud of this link as are many Indians. So many photos are emerging of her Jamaican roots and many people are relishing linkage and friendship with her. Little Jamaica, once more in the news on the world stage.