You’ve asked and we’ve answered! Welcome to your weekly column ‘Planning Your Happily Ever After’ with wedding consultant Shikima Hinds. Her focus this week: Assigned s eating

The question of the day is: Do you really want to be told where to sit at a wedding?

Let’s debate the topic of assigned seating vs free seating at a wedding reception.

One task that modern couples face is deciding whether or not to include assigned seating at the wedding reception. Assigned seating is all about selecting where each of your guests will sit at a particular table.

Deciding on seating arrangements for your guests can be a stressful and overwhelming task for wedding couples. Handling seating arrangements comes with its own set of challenges, including the need to divide guests evenly among the tables, the consideration of relationships, friendships, and even possible family tensions.

It may seem easier to forgo a seating chart altogether, but is this really a good idea?

Place cards, escort cards or seating chart: What’s the difference?

Place cards: Place cards await guests at each table, designating their seats. They can be anything from a simple tented card to a token with their names on it.

Escort cards: These cards are displayed near the entrance of the reception in alphabetical order. They usually include each guest’s name and table number. Once at the table, guests usually select their own seats.

Seating chart: Usually displayed alphabetically or by table in a pretty display near the entrance of the reception, seating charts list your guests’ names with their designated tables.

Before going into the pros and cons for seating, here’s my two cents:

Assigned seating often leads to added stress for the bride and groom. It gives you one more thing to do before the wedding and you can’t do it too far in advance because you have to wait until you get all of the RSVPs and last-minute cancellations and add-ons. (That is a whole other topic!) Many couples feel overwhelmed by trying to figure out who will sit where and how people will get along.

Many say that leaving guests to find their own seats will most likely result in a chaotic game of musical chairs. Personally, I think people will naturally want to sit with whom they want to sit with and where they are comfortable.

I know that couples want to ensure their guests are seated next to people they’ll enjoy, but free seating like this can go haywire. Just imagine while your college friends may gather around one table and squeeze in chairs wherever possible (a big no-no), your one invited neighbour may end up seated with nine other people they don’t know. Even worse, friends or family members with tension may be forced to sit at the same table. Or just imagine if your parents, maid of honour, or best man end up in the back corner of the reception, while your great aunt-in-law thinks she deserves a spot at the head table.

Assigned seats

With assigned seats, you figure out where each of your guests will sit at your reception. As designated by the placards, your guests will have a place to sit and enjoy the reception.

Pros: Assigned seating ensures each table will be filled to max capacity and helps to ensure guests are seated next to people they are comfortable with.

It allows you to give some control to the mood of the celebration of your wedding. When you set up assigned seats, you limit chaos and conflicts from affecting your big day. You can place friends and family at tables that will allow conversations to pleasantly flow through your event.

Cons: You will need to put in the time and effort to create your seating assignment for your reception. Some of your guests may not like the idea of assigned seats or even the table to which they are assigned. You should budget the cost to design and create the seating chart and/or place cards.

It can be challenging during the actual reception to navigate an in-the-moment situation where someone who’s neglected to RSVP or shows up with an uninvited plus one does not have an assigned seat. Make sure to expect the unexpected and be prepared to discreetly sneak in extra place settings if needs be.

Free seating

A free seating arrangement leaves all the tables and chairs open to your guests. Your wedding guests will need to find their ideal table and seat themselves when you do not provide a seating chart.

Pros: You can save a ton of time and effort by leaving your seating arrangements open. You can also save money on place cards or other indicators that help your guests find their tables. It also allows you and your guests to go with the flow of the day.

Cons: You know when guests go into the reception space, scope out the tables and put something on the chair to “hold their seat”? This is what will likely happen. I see it happen all the time. Your guests may meander around, inquiring if seats are open and generally looking for a place to fit in.

Tip: If you decide to forgo a seating chart altogether, ensure you reserve tables for your immediate family members and your bridal party.

The parents of the couple often sit opposite each other at a large family table, with grandparents, the officiant and other close friends. Another option is for the parents to head their own tables, with their family members and close friends.