It turns out the lives of celebs aren’t as easy as we’d like to think.

Rapper Big Sean has shared that he’s contemplated suicide numerous times and has even gone as far as planning his own death.

On Michael Eric Dyson‘s Facebook Watch show, One Question, One Mike, he said, “Those are the stigmas that have been placed on us growing up. If you a man and you not working hard, it’s like, ‘Ah you getting soft.’ So that was always in the back of my head, so I’m working exhausting myself for years and years and years. I couldn’t get through the day without feeling terrible.”

He continued, “I was sure contemplating suicide a lot of times, you know, having guns in my hands and just really feeling it for real…even planning it out to the point where like, ‘Hey, if I do kill myself at least my family will get this amount of money. Because I just was stressed out and not happy. I realised that I need to stop everything I’m doing and figure this out or I’ma self-destruct.”

The Blessings rapper also revealed that he got past those low points by beginning to put himself first.

“I took the time off, cancelled everything I was doing, sought therapy, connected with God more, spiritually grounded myself and put myself first as a priority for the first time ever.”

Big Sean has been an outspoken advocate for mental health awareness.