‘Punishing your child harshly doesn’t necessarily solve the problems’
MONTEGO BAY, St James — Suggesting that an authoritative approach to parenting would greatly benefit the development of Jamaican children, 14-year-old Raphael Coach is urging parents to desist from what he described as a “very violent mentality as it pertains to discipline”.
“Punishing your child harshly doesn’t necessarily solve all the problems,” said Coach, a student of Hanover’s Hopewell High School.
“I actually remember being in a circle where they (the children) would have been pointing out some of these problems. Some children said that their parents would sometimes pick up broom sticks and they’re very aggressive…that made them want to do it even more,” the grade eight student added.
Coach made his appeal during a recent Jamaica Observer forum held at its offices in Montego Bay in recognition of Child Month 2022 being celebrated under the theme, “Listen Up, Children’s Voices Matter”.
Unfortunately, the young boy said the harsh punishments being meted out by parents to their children may be a major contributing factor to their disruptive behaviours in school.
Since the start of the new school term in January, there have been multiple reports of violent acts turned bloody brawl in high schools across the island. While many associate these conflicts with the emotional and psychological effects of the novel coronavirus pandemic, Coach believes that “it starts from the home”.
“It reaches to the point where they don’t even care and their mindset to come to school is off, so in relating to people, they come off aggressive. We need to have a calmer approach to things and starting with the parents, we need to have a way to teach our children [right from wrong] without being harsh,” Coach said, reflecting on the calm temperament of his parents.
“Remember that children reflect what they learn, so if we can have a calmer approach to our children in relating to our problems, then I’m sure that going out there they will project the same characteristics,” he added.
While he understands that many parents don’t know how to be patient and understanding because of how they themselves were raised, Coach is urging that they make a conscious decision to break this generational curse by talking to their children.
“I know there are some parents out there that wouldn’t really know correctly how to raise a child because maybe they were raised differently when they were younger. Sometimes understanding is lacking within the family, if you have a good family I believe that going out there you’ll be able to project the proper characteristics,” he said.
Anchovy High School student Thadine Tinglin agreed. Citing what she has learned in school, Tinglin pointed out that psychology can effectively explain what is causing the repeated violent behaviour among the nation’s children.
The grade 11 student believes that the improper usage of operant conditioning by parents has caused major trauma among youths.
“Even though they’re trying to teach a child that if you execute this action, this is the consequence, what they fail to understand is that this can somewhat guide a child’s behaviour in the wrong direction. So if a child grows up on abuse, then their behaviour…will be different. So therefore, it would be best if parents could be more lenient towards their children,” said Tinglin.
She continued, “At the end of the day, you will hear every parent say, ‘I love my child’, but they’re also thinking to themselves it’s because I love my child why I beat [him/her with] an iron, which makes no sense.”
The young girl suggested an approach she believes can set the tone for a more loving and understanding parent-child relationship which will later aid in the emotional and psychological development of the country.
“Instead of beating them with an iron, why not sit with them and see if the impact of the iron can be the same as your words? If a parent grows separate from their child, then this leaves the child to be emotionally vulnerable towards social media. So whatever they see on social media or whatever they hear in songs that is what they adapt to because emotionally, there were no parents,” Tinglin maintained.