Welcome! Join us as we dive into the dynamic and crucial, yet often misunderstood and barely tolerated world of human resources (HR).

CAN’T we all just get along?

There’s one thing that working with people is sure to bring and that’s conflict. It’s unavoidable. We are all never going to agree and see eye to eye on everything all the time.

But conflict doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. It can be healthy. Wait, what? Yes, you can have purposeful conversation.

That happens when leaders create an environment that allows team members to push back and share opinions, have healthy debates and respectful disagreements without the fear of repercussion.

We know that this allows for more creativity and collaboration, it increases productivity, improves efficiency, results in higher levels of trust and also having more engaged employees. The list goes on.

But first let’s talk a little about the negative type of conflict — the type we are so often seeing in this Jamaica land we love, where we seem to be unable to resolve our issues in a respectful, civil, non-violent way.

At work, or anywhere else for that matter, flying off the handle, fits of rage or physical confrontation is never the way to go.

But neither is burying your head in the sand or sending your often ill-equipped team members away to go and work it out.

This only covers the issue, causes it to fester and creates a bigger issue with your team, and potentially the organisation in the long run.

So, what is conflict? Let’s start there.

It can be a little tricky to define, but here’s a general definition in the context of the workplace.

It’s what we call it when we feel like we’re not getting along with someone we work with, when we don’t have the same point of view as they do and we don’t like it because of how it makes us feel, or the possible implications of the disagreement and so on.

It’s when there is usually no focus on problem-solving and we just want to “win” regardless.

And because it’s never, ever us and always them — never us — the other person’s behaviour is often interpreted as personal, as an attack on our character or as threatening our authority, for instance.

Very often there’s a physical reaction when we face conflict as well. Our bodies give us signals.

You might clench your teeth or your hands, your heart beats faster, your stomach turns over, you feel queasy, your neck gets hot (it happens).

When you react to the situation, as many so often do, this is what results in the negative stuff — a lack of cooperation and communication between the parties and getting work done efficiently can become tricky.

It can put a strain on other team members and affect the team dynamics; visits to HR might become frequent and on and on it goes.

When we find ourselves in these situations at work, how do we check ourselves? How do we move to resolving these seemingly inevitable situations and convert them into something more healthy and productive?

A few techniques to consider:

• Self-awareness. This takes practice, but learn to notice the physical changes in your body, pause, take a break or walk away for a minute if you need to. Delay responding.

• Self-regulation. Choosing to respond instead of reacting to your triggers and the other person is very helpful. You always have control over how you respond, always.

• As a leader, model what you want to see and explain it to your team, instead of dismissing or ignoring it, or getting pulled into the vortex.

• Talk about what is going on. Issues won’t resolve themselves. But there’s always a way. Listen to the other person and hear them out, whether you agree with them or not. Use “I” statements instead of pointing fingers and making accusations. For example, “I don’t appreciate it when you” … as opposed to “you never so and so”. Find the root cause. Agree on the facts. Work on finding a compromise/resolution.

• Don’t be afraid to make the tough decisions and draw the line when it needs to be. For example, you have an unchecked, out of control team member who seems to always be at odds with people without provocation, but they are a top sales person who hits their numbers every month, so we dance around it.

“Your culture is defined by the worst behaviour tolerated” – John Amaechi

Conflict in the workplace is unavoidable, but it doesn’t have to be destructive and disruptive. There will be disagreements and misunderstandings. Personalities may clash. But it is possible to manage these disagreements and transform discord into positive outcomes.

Carolyn.

My name is Carolyn Bolt. HR happened upon me seven years ago, and there has been no turning back from this challenging, critical, very rewarding and often frustrating matter of people since then. Reach me at peoplematter.s21@gmail.com.