This year’s Sexual Health Awareness Month went beyond the usual sharing of tips to avoid diseases and unwanted pregnancies, and focused more on experiencing pleasure and intimacy during sex.

OBSERVER ONLINE, in bringing additional awareness to the topic, sat down with sexologist Shelly-Ann ‘Dr Sexy-Ann’ Weeks, who spoke about female sexuality and how communication is the main ingredient to enjoying incredible sex.

According to Weeks, the benefits that come with pleasurable sex go beyond the two people who were involved in the act, as the resulting happiness tends to spill over to those we come in contact with.

“Let’s think about how the individual blooms from great sex as it is a confidence booster. It is also a great way to improve the connection between you and your partner because it gives you this sort of secret language that you don’t have to say words to each other anymore, so it helps relationships to be more of everything- more fun, more satisfactory, more intimate,” Weeks said.

“It feels good! The endorphins -all of the happy hormones- flood your brain and you feel good so you are more agreeable, you’re nicer to be around, you smile more so the rest of the people who encounter you, benefit from you enjoying nice sex. It is great for your children because you are going to be a better parent because you feel so good you want to share the good feeling,” she added.

Weeks is also of the view that if more people were enjoying sex, then the world would be a better place as “people would be kinder and less people would want to blow up things because people who are having satisfactory sex and frequent orgasms don’t want to start wars.”

Weeks stated, however, that some people are not experiencing quality sex as the female’s pleasure is often overlooked.

“Part of the issue when we talk about sex, especially female sexuality, is that usually nobody cares what she likes, or if she is getting fulfilled. Quality matters, and when I say quality I mean something that asks her input, something that caters to her sensibilities; what turns her on and what makes her feel good, and a conversation about her comfort level asking “do you like this?” needs to be had,” she said.

Weeks added that she encourages every couple to ask questions of this manner, whether they have been having sex for years or it is their first time, as it heightens sexual intimacy.

She went on to advise that couples should liken their sex life to their jobs, stating that just the same way they find ways to be more efficient and improve in their positions at work, it is the same way they should approach their sex life. She said this should result in more pleasing sex.

When asked about ways to maximise sexual pleasure, the sexologist stated that communication plays a big part in the outcome of the act. She said though it sounds cliché, it is a very important part of the sexual process.

“When you like something you have to be able to say it same way if you don’t like something. If you want more of something you have to be able to project this effectively so you have to be able to communicate and part of the communication has to start before you even physically get involved sexually. One of the mistakes that we make is that we start to get sexual and we assume that the other person just should know what we want. But they don’t must know because all of us don’t want the same thing. I might want a certain kind of touch or I might not want it so the person will come and want to do to you what worked for their last sexual partner so I recommend that the conversation must happen before you start to get sexual,” Weeks advised.

She added that seduction is equally as important to sex, as it sets the pace and the mood for the whole encounter. Weeks said that, sadly, many have ignored the art of seduction in the bedroom which can lead to a sexual experience that is lacking.

“Nobody wants to seduce anybody, nobody wants to do the work of turning on the other person anymore. Seduction is such an art and is so important to the nourishment of your sexual experience. It is the thing that gets you out of the mood of not wanting to do a thing and into wanting to do nothing more than ravish this person,” Weeks said.

“Seduction is something that comes with some poetry and wine and lyrics. And there isn’t one specific way to do it. All you have to do is be interested and it doesn’t require a lot of things because if the person you are seducing is interested in you, whatever you do will work,” she added.

Weeks went on to say that the hook-up culture that has become so prevalent could play a part in why the art of seduction has dwindled so much “because everybody wants everything quick and fast.”

Dr Sexy-Ann, in sharing tips of how to achieve and enjoy a healthy sex life, stated that it all starts with self.

“You have to start with self, you have to know who you are as a person and to know what you want out of your sex life and what to look for. The second thing is to find someone who likes what you like. I know we talk about opposites attract and while that can work in a lot of cases, it’s easier when you and the person at least start off with some sort of similarity because then you have something to build on,” she said.

“Another thing is to step outside your comfort zone; you don’t have to do it one way, there are several ways to do sexy. Sexy doesn’t only have to do with naked clothes, sexy has a lot to do with what is happening on the inside because it exudes outside and the sexiest thing is always authenticity. So be yourself because there is someone out there who likes exactly who you are and you both can go out there and do the things that you like and have plenty orgasms because they are free and good for you,” Weeks added.