Dear Counsellor,

I am 39 years old and need a husband. I am a good woman and I’m in the church and I live a clean life. I’m educated and kind, and I think I’d make a good wife and mother. But God doesn’t seem to hear my prayers so I can get the blessing of a husband and family. I’m desperate and contemplating getting with someone out of church, starting my family, and then asking for forgiveness. I don’t want to return to God the way I came, and I think I deserve love and happiness too. There is no one in my church or in the other branches I’ve been to, and I just feel hopeless. What can I do? Don’t tell me to wait on the Lord either, because this is not practical and I’ve been waiting and nothing has been happening.

The frustration you feel is certainly understandable. The Bible does say, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). And man, we can understand, extends beyond a male. Humans are social creatures needing to belong to groups, and we need interaction within our group. Interaction, including intimacy in a one-to-one situation and romantic relationships also. Your desire for a husband is a good thing. It is apparent you want to be married because you want to do what’s right, socially and spiritually, in the proper, safe context of marriage. And you want to raise a family in the best, godly context. That’s commendable!

Take heart, you are a healthy, well-thinking woman of faith. I have had many single adults come to my office frustrated with waiting. Today most of them are married, and some with children. I have seen singles in tears because of the frustration. And yet, for many today the new effort is learning to manage their marriages.

My advice:

Be a strong, single adult. Be careful not to be “desperate”, or you may jump into something you later regret. I kid you not — it is better to be in tears as a frustrated single than to be in tears as a frustrated wife. The anguish of a bad relationship totally outweighs the anguish of singleness! Don’t be pressured by age. Become an adventurous, comfortable single adult during this period. Then once the proper partner comes you’ll be emotionally stable and better prepared to navigate marriage.

Keep being available. As you wait for what could be, keep making yourself available. Attend functions, take tours and trips, enrol in new courses, do benevolent work, and join Christian chat sites. Do things that will allow you to meet all kinds of new people, local and foreign. Go out to functions and on vacation with friends and without friends; be comfortable and confident either way.

Keep the faith. As a woman of faith, keep engaging your faith. Ask and then trust that what you’ve asked for is on the way. Anticipate that it’s coming and prepare yourself. I highly recommend that you endeavour to wait on a person of like faith. Marriage is a merger of lives for the rest of your life. So if your faith matters to you, trust for a person of faith.

Get additional prayer support. Don’t be shy about asking others at Christian churches, seminars, conferences, or social events to pray for you and with you for the right partner, and that you will be prepared to be a great partner too. Find mature prayer partners, preferably females.

Yes, you certainly do deserve love and happiness. However, getting with the wrong person can ruin that in the long term. As is said, take the time to be the right girl so that when the right guy comes it will be all right. You may also want to get a copy of my easy-to-read book So You Wanna Be a Wife from Amazon.

Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.