MEN have been standing up for themselves a lot lately — no longer does “bro code” dictate how they behave in relationships and in their bedrooms. Once upon a time, if all his mates were against certain acts, a man would be too, holding up his lighter and flashing it in the dance. But things and times have changed, and men are demanding their space, thinking through their actions, and refusing to act like they’re in the wild in situations like when a woman offers them affection.

Many women would be hard-pressed to understand or imagine a situation in which a man would refuse a chance to take them to bed. But men say they do refuse too — sometimes they’re not in the mood, sometimes they’re not feeling you, and sometimes they just don’t want to get physical.

These men explain the situations in which they’ll refuse a woman, even when the woman is their partner.

Ricardo, 30:

Bad hygiene will do it. I just have to get a whiff of something unpleasant. And it’s not only her body or oral care — if her wig smells bad, I’m out of there. Wash your hair, ladies.

Will, 42:

As someone who has taken care of his oral hygiene all his life, bad teeth for me is a pet peeve. And trust me, when you talk I will be examining your mouth and teeth. If your dentist is not your best friend, I can’t get busy with you, no matter how cute, freaky, or accomplished you are.

Paul, 36:

If you’re nagging me as soon as I get home and there’s no dinner ready and the house is dirty, don’t expect that later on you can put on your lingerie and I will forget all about that. A man needs a certain kind of calm when he gets home after a rough day, and his woman should try to make that possible. I can’t stand chaos, it messes with my brain.

Errol, 50:

If my spirit just doesn’t take her, nothing she does or says will interest me.

Neil, 32:

If I’m too tired or too stressed, not even Jesus will be able to raise the dead.