Do not swear by the moon,

For she changes constantly,

Then your love would also change.

— Shakespeare

LOTS of people swear by the moon, which is indeed a foolish thing to do, for the moon changes ever so often from night to night, and also when it dares to appear in the day. One night it’s a full moon, shining like a huge silver dollar, illuminating the night. Then the next night it’s a half moon, with one part shining and the other plunged in darkness. Lo and behold, the following night it’s a three quarter or crescent moon, barely a sliver of light that belies what size the orb really is.

Who dares to swear by such a capricious entity that is never constant but shape-shifts just like a chameleon, changes its colour, or the more familiar green lizard here that changes from green to brown to black?

And yet, people often swear by the moon that they will put their neck on the block for the love of a woman or man who doesn’t love them back.

“Yeah man, I love her so much and I swear by the moon, sun and stars that she loves me too.”

It takes a brave man to utter those words, or perhaps a man who is not versed in astronomy, the ways of nature, and doesn’t know that the ways of the sun, moon and stars are not constant. Remember this song by Doris Day?

By the light of the silvery moon

I want to spoon

To my honey I’ll croon love’s tune

Honey moon keep a shinin’ in June

We’ll be cuddling soon

By the silvery moon.

That’s where our light shines today, in the shadow of unrequited love, right after these responses to my take on ‘Identity theft’.

Hi Tony,

I would like to throw ‘Identity surrender’ into the mix, with what’s been happening in Britain with Queen Elizabeth dying and the succession of King Charles, it got me thinking. For those of us who were born before August 6, 1962 in Jamaica, we were British subjects. When Jamaica gained Independence from Britain our identity was changed from being British to being Jamaican. This was a good thing, but we had no choice in the matter. Was our identity stolen, or just merely switched?

Samuel

Teerob,

Identity theft is perhaps more prevalent in the relationship field than in the financial one, and the victims are usually female participants. Even when a woman takes a man’s last name after marriage, her identity is taken away from her. Men don’t change their name, but many of them wear the apron instead of pants around the house. It goes both ways, but I think it’s worse when a man is stripped of his self-worth and self-esteem by a woman. Then again, he may very well deserve the indignity.

Paulette

Unrequited: Of a feeling, especially love, not returned. So says the dictionary. But it doesn’t take a dictionary, thesaurus, or any other research book to let people know when love is not returned. They might not know by what fancy name to call it, but they sure know how they feel.

The effects can be devastating, distressing, demeaning, debilitating, depressing, sometimes tragic. Just recently I saw a feature about famed celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain and his complex life, a life that ended in tragedy by his own doing, because of unrequited love.

There he was, a man at the pinnacle of his success, a TV star who travelled the world visiting exotic places and rubbing shoulders with kings and queens. He even came to Jamaica once and sampled our fantastic Hellshire fried fish, festival and bammy, which he featured on his show.

He was wealthy beyond imagination, and yet all that wasn’t enough, as he took his own life because his young actress girlfriend didn’t love him back. The lethal blow of unrequited love was his undoing. That powerful, downward strike of the one-sided sword cut through him like a cutlass slicing a watermelon.

He killed himself because he loved so much and didn’t get it back in return from his girlfriend. She decided to give that love to a man closer to her age so it was unrequited to Anthony, but quite righted to the young guy.

“That’s the most unkindest cut of all,” said Shakespeare. But he is not the only man to have felt the pain of unrequited love. It’s as common as the sands of time and has been the subject of poets, scribes, singers and playwrights throughout history.

“Love may have the longest arms, but it can still fall short of an embrace.”

“Of all the people my heart could have chosen, it decided on a boy who doesn’t have enough room in his heart to love someone like me.”

“Falling in love is so hard on the knees.”

“Let no one who loves be unhappy, even love unrequited has its rainbow.”

As you can see, unrequited love seems to be a hot button topic in the history of relationships. But that last quote got me thinking that even if the person doesn’t love you back, you should be happy, for your love is enough.

No sah, me cyaa subscribe to that one at all. Why should you waste your love on someone who doesn’t love you back? And yet it happens. Some people live with the fact that their partner doesn’t love them, even though they love them deeply.

Women seem to fall into this category more than men, and even though I haven’t got any empirical data to back this up, I observe and listen. So many women love men desperately, even though the man doesn’t love them back. Then again, it could very well be that women will admit to it more than men do.

She will dote all over the man, do his bidding, profess undying love for him, put up with his philandering ways, even though he doesn’t have one ounce of love for her. Why does she suffer this indignity? Is it because women are predisposed and preconditioned to love and nurture?

Sometimes it makes onlookers wonder, “Why she put up with him and him don’t love her?”

Maybe it’s a good thing that women experience this more than men, for the men usually act violently when it brushes them.

Sometimes it occurs from the beginning of the relationship when one partner has no feelings for the other whatsoever.

“I just don’t feel the same way about you as you do for me.”

“It doesn’t matter, you can grow to love me.”

Ha, big mistake; unrequited love is permanent, and does not bloom into real love. The person may tolerate you more as time goes by, put up with you, but that real love that you put forth will never be reciprocated.

So many women have said this about their husbands, “He isn’t my real true love, but he’s a good man so I tolerate him.” Others may not say it, but they certainly live it. The reckless ones will have affairs.

But while unrequited love won’t grow into real love, it can go the other way. Yes, love can diminish over time until it exists no more. So when one partner still feels that eternal love, the other only feels eternal ambivalence and apathy, for the love has died. “I just don’t feel the same way anymore like I used to.”

Even though it wasn’t so at the beginning, it turns to unrequited love in the end. The result is the same. Some women accept it and pour their love into their children or their dog. Others join the Church. “I know that Jesus loves me.”

It usually takes time, though, for love to leave the equation — but you can know as there are telltale signs. The partner is always irritable, “hangry” and “mizzarable” as we say in Jamaica. They fly off the handle at the slightest thing, stop showing affection, and withdraw physically.

“How come you’re always in a mood so?” That’s the sign of the love drifting away until it exists no more, unrequited. Men may take a different stance and seek that love elsewhere. Well, maybe not love, but at least affection, passion, sexuality, eroticism. That’ll do.

Have you ever wondered why some men will leave their uptown wives and troll the streets looking for women who you’d deem beneath their station? The first impulse is to cuss the man.

“What a man wutliss! Leave him MBA, tapanaris wife and gone live wid barmaid.”

“He got no love at home so he chose the barmaid from downtown. At least she show him love.”

“Unrequited love does not die, it’s only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded for some unfortunates. It turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who went before.” – Elle Newman

Is it better to have given love and not gotten love back, or never to have loved at all? Unrequited love is real.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: It’s just luck who we are born to, and fate can be cruel, but some still overcome seemingly insurmountable odds. I recently heard an interview by deejay Yellowman that really moved me — even though I already knew his story — how he was abandoned as a baby and that it was garbage men who found him on the streets. He bounced from children’s homes to State homes, mocked, ridiculed and cursed by others. He rose to fame, and women took advantage of him, but cruel fate wasn’t finished with him as he was diagnosed with cancer years ago and was given only months to live. One woman stuck by him and became his wife, giving him a family that he thought he’d never have. God bless “King Yellowman”.