Have more than you show,

Show less than you know.

— Shakespeare

If more people followed that sage advice in the quote above, they’d be better off in this world. Instead, they usually do the opposite, as they show more than they have, and speak more than they know. Maybe that’s because they can’t cope with the realities of life and choose to put on a brave if not illusory face, a façade, trying to compensate.

But how should they cope? After all, everyone is made up differently, so it follows that everyone has different ways and mechanisms in which they try to cope with situations.

Those who are stressed may take to drink, as alcohol is the great comforter, but a cruel master. Some may smoke in order to cope with their adverse situations, while others may bury themselves in work.

Others may simply withdraw into their shell, become recluses, bereft of friends, companions or relationships. Ahh, relationships, the boon or bane of so many people. While involved, they will encounter a veritable minefield of challenges.

So how do they cope? Now, that’s the question of the ages, for different people have different ideas regarding how they cope with situations. Of course, as far as they’re concerned, their advice is is the best, for they have tried, tested, and proven it.

Some lie though, and simply run up their mouths regarding how to cope with situations, specifically women. Ahh, oh yes, that is the crux of the matter, how do men cope with the actions or inactions of women?

That’s what this is all about, and we’re going to find out how, right after we see what these readers had to say about my views on ’80/20 per cent’.

Hi Tony,

This must be the new math. The man who gives 80 per cent to the young girl who only gives 20 per cent which rounds out the 100 per cent, then how much is that same man giving to his wife who is giving him 80 per cent? It would seem that the answer should always add up to 100 per cent. How is this 80 per cent man, plus 20 per cent young girl, equal 100 per cent? 80 per cent wife plus 20 per cent man equals 100 per cent. It seems that it is only the man who gives 100 per cent.

Alfred

Teerob,

It doesn’t take a mathematical genius to tell you that in this lopsided equation it’s the man who simply cannot add up or live up to his required percentage. Many of those older men who are drawn to the 20 per cent young women don’t even realise that they are the ones being taken for a percentage ride. When the man can’t offer the full hundred per cent all the time, she’s going to fill that gap elsewhere. Nature abhors a vacuum, and so do these 20 per cent young women.

Owen

How do men cope with the vagaries and irregularities of women? Oh sure, now you’re going to say that women are not irregular or are difficult to deal with. History has documented that women are capricious, coquettish, indecisive, coy, cunning and impossible to satisfy.

This is not the revelations born of misogyny either, but has been chronicled throughout the ages.

“It doesn’t take much to be a difficult woman, that’s why there are so many of us.” — Jane Goodall.

“I have always found women difficult, I don’t really understand them. To begin with, few women tell the truth.” — Barbara Caltland.

“So many unhappy women out there, such a sea of female misery.” — Howard Jacobson.

There are so many quotes about difficult and unhappy women, and ironically, those first two quotes were from women too. Who better to know a woman but another woman? Aha, therein lies the conundrum. That’s where men come up against a brick wall and why they face such a monumental, herculean challenge, for they are not women, but merely men, so therefore do not know women.

Every man is running around asking other men, “What a must do, how a must deal wid har, how a must cope?”

But all men were not created equal, so different men have different coping mechanisms. Some cope by being physically abusive. Now, that to me is really a weak way of coping, for domestic violence never solves anything, it only adds fuel to the fire. But sadly, that’s the only way some men know.

Almost all the men who I polled expressed that the violence that they meted out was justified.

“I know that I shouldn’t hit her, but she drove me to it, I just couldn’t take the disrespect anymore.”

It’s a sad way to cope. That being said though, there are some women who actually drive men to violence, as they provoke and goad the man until he snaps.

There is no excuse for that, but some women do drive men to be abusive. That’s why some men, when hauled before the courts, will plead,”Guilty with explanation, your honour, she drove me to it.”

How does a man cope when his woman steps out with another man then comes home and tells him what she did and how many times? That scenario faced a man who I know, and he snapped. He was a very quiet, mild man too, a pious church-going brethren.

I have seen some men’s wives, and could understand why the men had to do what they had to do. I said understand, not condone.

“Look how Mr Jones slap up him wife, I would never believe it if I never saw it. She drive him to it, dash it inna him face.”

Another way of coping is absence, no not abstinence, but absence, which results in the same thing anyway. This is a path that some men take when dealing with a woman who is, let’s say, challenging. These men are hardly home, and will literally live on the streets, refusing to be in the same space with the shrewish woman.

Do the words harridan, harpy, banshee from hell spring to mind? Well, those are the words that were bandied about from the men who I polled. And they were middle class uptown guys too.

“How come Peter hardly go home?”

“That’s his way of coping with his woman — absence.”

It has been recorded that many soldiers in the USA opt to sign up for duty repeatedly rather than stay home. In their minds, the horror and dangers of war are more appealing than staying home with their wives.

Some men will actually change their personalities in order to cope with their women.

“I tried to be the nice guy, catering to her needs, always decent and respectful, but she didn’t appreciate it and lost respect for me.”

So he changed his personality.

“No more Mr Nice Guy. I now talk to her rough, tell her bad wud, and she calm down.”

Can men really change their personalities from being nice, decent guys to ogres just to let women respect them?

Well, the men said they did, and that it worked for them. But some men have no such problem, and can switch from Dr Jekyll to Mr Hyde in a flash.

Some men just shut down. After years of indifference and verbal abuse, they simply turn off all their sensors and receptors. It may not be ideal, but it’s their way of coping with a constant deluge, torrent, avalanche, tsunami of misery and mayhem that some women heap on men.

They virtually go into a semi-coma, a stasis, and shut out the conflict. Studies have shown that men respond to stress by shutting down.

“The results suggest that the silent and stoic response to stress might be a ‘guy thing’ after all.”

It’s so prevalent that numerous scientific studies have been done about it. But it’s really sad that once vibrant men have to use so many coping mechanisms just to deal with women.

In contrast, there are men who let it all out and hold nothing back when it comes to griping about their women. Their sentences are always prefaced by the two words, my wife. My wife never has a name, but when you hear those two words, you can be certain that they’ll be followed by a litany of woes.

“My wife is something else, you know what she did me yesterday?”

“My wife really stress me out, always on my case.”

“My wife never stop telling me what to do like a slave master.”

“My wife nag me morning, noon, and night.”

My wife, my wife, my wife. No wonder that song by Boris Gardner was so popular.

“Oh my commanding wife

She come to destroy my life

She loves to criticise

And always fuss and fight

She’s driving me insane

Calling me dirty names

She’s driving me insane

Oh my commanding wife.”

It’s amazing how many men opened up regarding the challenges that they experience with their women and how they cope. Some were driven to drink, others to smoke, and not cigarettes either. Some just went silent, while there were a few who just got bad, bruk out.

“She didn’t appreciate it when I was a good man, so I just got bad.” What a rocky road, but some men will do almost anything in order to cope.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: I’m someone who is hooked on news. I’ve been an avid reader of Time and Newsweek magazines from my high school days, plus National Geographic and amassed hundreds of issues over the years. I’m also hooked on local news. What I find amazing is that there are people here who have no interest in local news at all. They proudly declare, “I don’t watch or listen to local news.” Yet they show great interest in American news. As for our local TV programmes, they aren’t even aware of their existence. Such a cultural unawareness.