I am your wife, if you will marry me,

If not, I’ll be your maid,

To be your fellow;

You may deny me, but I’ll be your servant,

Whether you will or not.

— Shakespeare

And with those words, a wife hands over her life to her husband, to be at his beck and call, to please his every whim, to satisfy his every desire, and to make sure that he feels good about himself.

Well, at least that’s how it used to be back in the day, when wives did everything to please their husbands. Not so much nowadays, as many modern-day wives rebuke that sort of behaviour and refuse to put the husband on a pedestal, or throne.

But there still are a few dutiful wives from the old school in existence, women who cater to their husbands and see to it that all areas of his life are satisfied. I said a few; however, after I delved into the research I realised that it’s more than just a few, but more than I could have imagined who fall into that category.

Maybe they’re from the old school and maintained the characteristics handed down from their mothers, or probably they simply believe that a woman’s duty is to please her man, no matter the toll it takes on her physically, emotionally or mentally.

We’ll find out about dutiful wives, right after these responses to what I had to say about ‘Self-inflicted’.

Hi Tony,

I wonder how many murders have been committed and made up to look like suicide. Those murders are never investigated and therefore get added to the suicide statistics. I also wonder what method of suicide goes through the minds of those people when they think of doing the deed. A messy suicide or leaping from a tall building and making a splash, or quietly taking an overdose of something fatal, or locking themselves in the garage with the vehicle running and succumbing to carbon monoxide poisoning. Are the methods chosen meant to make a statement?

Charles

Hi Teerob,

Sometimes self-inflicted methods appear to be the only way out to escape from the hell that some people are going through. I will not judge anyone who carries out that act, for if you haven’t walked a mile in a man’s shoes, you can’t know what he’s experiencing. Those thoughts of self-demise have crossed my mind, but I’ve never had the courage to carry it out.

Sheila

There are some women, wives, girlfriends, common-law wives, or whatever name they may go by, that have one thing in common — their sole purpose in life is to please their men. You’d think that in this day and age of women’s liberation and equality and independence that those days were long gone. Far from it.

This was revealed to me recently when a youngish wife indicated to me that she had to attend a function with her husband.

“How do you mean had to attend?” I asked her.

She replied that she didn’t really want to go because it was one of those boring stuffy ‘man functions’ that she hated, but being a dutiful wife she’d accompany him, just to please him.

Dutiful wife, hmmm…that certainly piqued my interest, ignited my curiosity, so I had to find out exactly who a dutiful wife was. Well, first of all, that first example of attending functions that she had absolutely no interest in was self-explanatory.

“I go with him so that he can show me off to his friends and be arm candy for the evening.”

Yes, she is young and attractive and he is a much older man.

Women will actually do that, suffer for hours through a boring function, just to please their husbands. So what’s in it for the wife, and if the tables were turned, would men suffer through a female function for their wives? When last have you attended a bridal shower? The look on a husband’s face as he accompanies his wife while shopping says it all.

Well, apparently the rewards are great, and women know how to play the game when it comes to manipulating men. So the bottom line is, in many cases, being a dutiful wife has ulterior motives.

“Of course I please him, and I get what I want for doing so,” is what she said to me with a wry, sly smile and a wink.

A dutiful wife will also accommodate relatives who are less than accommodating to her. It’s a fact of life and relationships that not all relatives love or even care for the partner that the man has chosen. Some will show this dislike with overt or covert animosity, but the dutiful wife will grin and bear it, smile and make small talk, knowing fully well that the man’s mother can’t stand a bone in her body, detests her, loathes her, for she’s not good enough for her son.

Some wives deal with this by maintaining a distance from those unaccommodating relatives, by not attending family functions.

“I just drop off the kids there and go and hang out with my girlfriends,” is what I’ve heard from one such dutiful wife.

Others would attend the family gathering and act as if nothing is amiss, smile graciously and chit chat with them, even embracing those relatives who can’t stand her. That’s a dutiful wife.

That’s another thing, if your father or mother can’t stand a bone in your wife’s body, would you let her know? Some men say no, but I’m of the opinion that she should be aware of any animosity that’s held against her. After all, your wife should know where she stands, should know who loves her and who hates her, for to be forewarned is to be forearmed.

The dutiful wife will give advice to her husband, but takes no credit for it. I have known a few of those: the wife is the bright spark of the relationship, and will make all the financial decisions, leading to success, without letting on that she’s the brains of the organisation.

Meanwhile, the man struts around and brags what a genius he is. It’s only after the marriage hits the skids and mash up that the true picture is revealed. The wife will continue on her successful path, while the husband pop down and falls flat on his face, then you realise that she was the one doing all of the work. She played the part of the dutiful wife for a long time, but just couldn’t take it anymore.

This goes even further for the dutiful wife, as she will attend to all of the needs of the children, see to their schooling, homework, extra-curricular activities, attend school concerts, sports day, prize giving, parent teacher’s meetings, while the man takes all the credit for how well the children are doing.

As he struts and boasts about the achievements of his children, she quietly slips into the background, allowing him to take all the credit. That’s the dutiful wife.

One other task of the dutiful wife is pleasing the man in the bedroom. Women have been doing this for centuries, but the modern-day dutiful wife knows how to step it up a notch.

There are many times that she’d rather not, many nights that she’s simply not up to it, not feeling well, lost interest, or just doesn’t enjoy it anymore. But she accommodates him, feigning the feeling of passion, writhing around like a python in faux ecstasy, behaving like a call girl, just to make him feel good, for she’s a dutiful wife.

Some wives are dutiful because they truly believe in pleasing their men, while others are dutiful because the rewards are great. Nothing for nothing, but something for something, is what they say.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: I really dislike going to the bank, especially after COVID imposed new challenges for customers. As a result, I’ve resorted to online banking for a few years now, which is really great, as I don’t have to set foot in the banking halls anymore. But sometimes I have to, and it’s usually not very pleasant with the COVID protocols. I don’t use cheques anymore, but there are a few clients who still pay by cheque, so I have to go in to deposit them, albeit rarely.

My most recent experience reminded me why I dislike going to the bank. I’m known as Tony Robinson, Anthony Robinson or Teerob, so a client wrote a small cheque to Anthony Robinson, even though Anthony is my middle name. My first name is never used, and most people don’t even know it. Can you believe that the bank refused to deposit the cheque to my account, even though I’ve been banking there for decades, they have done it in the past and I’m well known to them? Anyway, after speaking with the manager they allowed me ‘this one time’. Ridiculous bureaucracy.