Look like the innocent flower,

But be the serpent under’t.

— Shakespeare, Macbeth, 1, V

ONE thing that is sure and always holds true is that men and women are always on the hunt for sex. Naturally this varies from person to person — just as how appetites for other things may vary — but the truth is, it’s always a cat and mouse game to make love, have sex, copulate, or indulge in whatever pleasure you may call it.

If you really think about it, even if you’re a prude who sweeps those matters under the carpet, if this wasn’t so then mankind would cease to exist. No sex, no babies, end of story.

So when you see a young man on a quest to get into the pants of a young lady or two, or even an older man still playing the field as he uses all manner of tricks and coercion to bed as many women as he can, do not be alarmed or dismayed, it’s merely the law of nature that he’s succumbing to.

Men will use all sorts of coercion to have sex with women, for even though it’s supposed to be natural it’s often not as easy as it ought to be but is instead saddled with all sorts of obstacles and hurdles, so the men have to resort to trickery, coercion, guile, just to get the woman naked.

And don’t be fooled into thinking that only men resort to coercion,for women are just as guilty. We’ll find out why right after we see what these folks had to say about my findings on ‘Monogamy, failed success’.

Hi Tony,

I have been physically monogamous my entire married life but I must admit, to be truthful, that as a hot-blooded Jamaican man I have admired women and even fantasised when they are beautiful with perfect bodies. So, according to the words of your column, I have failed mentally. I further admit that I will continue to fail mentally as you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I will just beg for forgiveness.

Stephen

Dear Teerob,

Your very entertaining take on monogamy being a failure yet succeeding in some areas got me thinking. All this time I felt self-righteous that I was being monogamous and faithful to my husband, only to realise that I have actually cheated on him in my mind. Yes, I have harboured sexual thoughts and fantasies of being with other men, although I have never acted on them. I guess that just puts me in the category of the unfaithful, if only in thoughts but not deeds.

Marlene

Now, let’s get down to the nitty gritty of people using coercive tactics to get sex. What is coercion though? The practice of persuading someone to do something by using force or threats. But we’ll take it even further and add the words duress, intimidation, persuasion, bullying, constraint and abuse. Let’s not forget guile and trickery.

All that, just to get sex? Ah bwoy, what a life. Why should someone resort to all that just to copulate with someone? That’s because even though sex is natural, many people, especially women, put a great premium on it and play games, play cat and mouse, dangle the carrot before the horse, tantalise and act as if they don’t really want it while secretly they do.

So the man has to come up with all sorts of tricks, guile, coercion, to unlock her vault, navigate her maze, and get her in a state of undress. What a task! What an ordeal. What great effort.

Now, don’t just take my word for it, for I have ample backing from a recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research that revealed some alarming gender differences in sexual coercion tactics.

And guess what? Both men and women are culpable. It says that 41 per cent of men are more likely to persuade a partner to take off her clothes, compared to 25 per cent of women.

Yes, more men will try almost everything in their arsenal of coercion, by means fair or foul, to get women to sleep with them. That includes telling lies, a common habit of men who want to have sex. He will promise her the world, laced with prevarications, outright lies as they offer the sun, moon, stars, hoping that it will entice her to have sex with him.

And he has good reason to use those methods of coercion too, for many women are gullible and prone to fall prey to men who they think can offer them what they desire.

So, if he comes bearing gifts like the ancient Greeks — cash and other material trappings, sweetened and compounded with a ton of lies promising that there is much more where all that came from — his chances of having sex with her will be greatly enhanced.

Remember the song, Tell Me A Lie by Janie Fricke?

Tell me a lie

When you take me home

Tell me a lie

I don’t really want to spend the night alone

Tell me a lie

Don’t worry about my sorrow

You’ll be long gone tomorrow

And you won’t have to see me cry

Just tell me a lie.

Is it that women want to be lied to, knowing fully well that it’s nothing but hogwash but at least they’ll not be alone? Some men have nothing but lies with nothing to back them up but, even so, they will succeed in bedding the woman. Sometimes though, after his falsehood is discovered, he’ll be left holding his falsehood in his hand as the woman will have left the scene.

“I knew that he was lying from the start but he couldn’t even back up one thing with his lies, just a bag a mouth.”

Interestingly, the journal said that 33 per cent of men did that form of coercion, compared to 13 per cent of women. Yes, women lie to get sex too, telling men that they have very little sexual experience, or are near virgins.

Another form of subtle coercion involves getting their partner drunk in order to have sex, with figures standing at 14 per cent for men, and only 6 per cent for women who use that ploy.

I think that those figures are conservative and only apply to North America and other western countries, for I was under the impression that men plied women with liquor far more in Jamaica in order to have sex with them.

Some may buy flowers and chocolate but please remember the ditty, “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker”. Interestingly, women try to get men drunk too, but on a lesser percentage than men. The fact is, men tend to hold their liquor better than women, and the wry fact also is women will drink to release their inhibitions in order to have sex.

That way they absolve themselves of all moral responsibility and guilt, and can blame their misdeeds on the alcohol.

“It wasn’t really me. I didn’t know what I was doing, it was the likka.”

That’s right, blame it on the vodka and the rum cream.

It begs the question though, why would a woman use alcohol to get a man to have sex with her? Unless she’s so ugly and repulsive that he’ll do it only if he got flaming drunk first.

“Man, the more drunk I got, the more attractive she looked.”

Some people may take it lightly and say, “Oh, it’s just to get some sex,” but others take coercion very seriously.

“One who uses coercion is guilty of deception, violence; coercion is inhuman.” — Mahatma Gandhi

“The exercise of one coercion always makes another inevitable.” — Andreus Chydenius.

“Never let someone who contributes so little to a relationship control so much of it.”

So many of those quotes are so heavy, making us all riddled with guilt just for pursuing a little sex. The naked truth is, getting sex is nothing but a game, and both parties are usually willing participants in the cut and thrust of the jousting. He wants it, she wants it, but she can’t let him know that she wants it too so she lets him jump through hoops and do all sorts of coercion before he can get through.

As long as there is no violence involved, let the games begin, and men and women will achieve their inevitable goal via whatever means of guile and coercion to get some sex.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Depression is a very real condition that many people suffer from, to varied degrees. I can sympathise with people who have lost loved ones, lost their jobs, suffer from ill health, or even loneliness but it really irks me when I hear of those big superstars in the USA — who have more money than the Federal Bank and have everything that they need or want — complain that they suffer from depression. Give me a break. They have no rent to pay, no mortgage, no food bills to worry about, have unlimited sources of income, yet bawling about depression. I just saw where actor Dwayne Johnson, The Rock, admitted that he suffered from depression years ago after his divorce. He can have any woman he wants. Get a grip, brother.