Rushell Gray didn’t have an easy childhood. In fact, her experience, which she shared with the Jamaica Observer in a recent interview, was horrific.

She recalled being repeatedly raped for months by an adult male relative when she was nine years old.

The ordeal, she said, was not unique to her as all the females in her childhood home, including her mother, were sexually abused at one point in their lives.

“It was mostly the father figures who were involved,” she said, noting that even a friend who was living with them at the time was raped by various male relatives.

The trauma has resulted in Gray, now 30 years old, being very protective of her two daughters and a son. She encourages open and honest dialogue with them to ensure they are mindful of the dangers in the world.

“I don’t want them to go through what I did, so I talk to them and let them know it is safe for them to speak up if someone so much as approaches them,” Gray explained.

Gray recalled that during her childhood, when she told her mother what was happening to her, a report was made to the police. But the male relative fled the community before an arrest was made.

However, when she noticed that her mother was still in contact with the relative Gray became resentful and it showed in her behaviour.

“When I was in school I used to walk and steal stuff because I wanted to get caught because I wanted to go to a safe house; so I tried to do something to get some sort of help for myself,” she explained.

“Coping was very hard, given that a lot of persons shun me; a lot of persons thought that it was my fault. I was very vocal as a child so I was very outspoken to stand up for anybody at the time. But at that time, because I was vocal, they felt that I was too big for my age so when the abuse happened a lot of people didn’t want me to play with their children,” Gray said.

Additionally, Gray reasoned that the abuse her mother went through affected her parenting skills and may have caused her to not act in an appropriate manner when she learned that her own daughter was being raped.

She also said that one of her female relatives, who was raped as a child by a family member, became fearful of men.

“She is mentally ill, [and she] doesn’t have a boyfriend or a husband [and] doesn’t have any children because she feared starting a relationship, given her experience at the time,” she said.

Despite her experience Gray, who got pregnant with her first child at the age of 14 for another teenager, said she never truly resented her male counterpart.

Now working with the non-profit organisation Eve For Life, which is dedicated to shaping a world where the sexual health and rights of young women and children are protected and upheld, Gray said she was able to get the help she needed through countless therapy sessions.

“To be honest, if it wasn’t for Eve for Life I’m not sure what my parenting would look like because I’m a very young mother. But I always know that I don’t want my child to go through the same thing that I went through. I met Eve for Life in 2012. I got a lot of counselling, I got a lot of support. They invested in me, and that’s where all my resources came from in regards to being a successful mother,” she said.

While she was never able to truly mend her relationship with her mother before she died 10 years ago, Gray said she was able to overcome the negative feelings when she discovered a letter her mother had written to her before passing.

“One day I was cleaning up and I found the letter. I realised how much she really loved me, apart from what had happened. I [had] held her up in my heart, but then I realised how she felt about me within the letter. For me, I had closure,” she stated.

Looking to encourage people who have gone through a similar experience and are still struggling to cope, Gray, who is set to get married and be the best mother her children need, said, “You will surpass the worst. You can survive beyond what you think. Because I feel like when somebody violates your personal space and you survive that, it means that that ordeal is behind you and you’re now blooming into what your true purpose in life is. So you do have a voice, somebody cares for you, somebody will listen, and Eve for Life is there.”

In 2021 the Observer reported that a total of 6,573 acts of rape were reported between 2011 and 2020, with 2012 recording 948 cases — the most within the period. In addition, 2022 statistics presented by the Jamaica Constabulary Force show that a total of 241 rape cases were reported, while up to June 16, 2023 the total number stood at 171.