Not yet old enough for a man,

Nor young enough for a boy,

As a squash is before ’tis a peascod,

Or a codling when ’tis almost an apple

‘Tis with him in standing water,

Between boy and man.

— Shakespeare

IT’S so difficult for a male child to transition from being a boy to becoming a man. It’s not an easy road, as the song says, as he’s caught between dimensions, barely crawling around, not yet able to fly, wanting to accomplish tasks but lacking the skill, strength and experience to do so.

Many do not manage the challenges well. Yes, it is a challenge almost akin to the labours of Hercules or The Odyssey by Homer. We all know about what trials Hercules had to go through just to prove himself, hence the term Herculean task. And we know about the trials of King Odyssus, who wandered for 10 years experiencing all sorts of crosses as he tried to make his way home.

I said that we should all know, but I did so tongue in cheek, for not everyone is familiar with Greek mythology. Nevertheless, whether it’s Greek to you or not, there are so many obstacles put in the path to be overcome, so many mountains to climb, rivers to cross and dragons to conquer before a boy becomes a man.

That’s why in many cultures there are certain rituals that a boy has to go through before he can be called a man, earn his stripes. In the old days, in parts of Africa, a teenage boy was given a spear and let loose in the jungle to hunt down and kill a dangerous predator.

Some religions, like Jewish, have a bar mitzvah ceremony when a boy turns 13 and is considered to be a man. Some men take their young sons to brothels for their first sexual experience.

The point is, a boy had to perform a rite of passage before he could be called a man. But perhaps the days of hunting lions with spears are long gone, and bar mitzvahs are reserved for only one religion. So what rite of passage does the modern-day boy have to perform?

We’ll find out, right after we see what these folks had to say about my take on ‘Do the right thing’.

Hi Tony,

To be true to oneself, as in to do the right thing, could ruffle a few feathers. Thinking of oneself first could be considered selfish. Men putting themselves first and above their women could be considered to be brave and also dangerous. Your mom was right when she said, “Just for a peaceful life.” Someone said, “In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” Anonymous.

Carlton

Teerob,

It’s almost impossible to do the right thing all the time as someone usually gets hurt. The right thing to do is to leave the cheating man. But you consider the children, so you stay. It’s not always expedient to do the right thing, for sometimes the consequences aren’t worth it.

Sheila

Having touched on the whole boy/girl scenario and if they really traverse parallel paths or not, I had to explore more in depth the rites of passage that a boy has to go through before he matriculates into true adulthood.

It’s akin to the ugly caterpillar, then the hideous chrysalis that morphs into the beautiful butterfly. Each stage is important, but each is vastly different. Maybe I shouldn’t have used that analogy of the butterfly, as we really can’t compare grown men to that beautiful creature — it just doesn’t sit well with the male macho image.

But on second thought, some men are delicate, dainty, colourful, wispy, whimsical, and flit from one flower to another. As the song goes, “Don we now our gay apparel.”

A young boy, though, has to prove himself from early that he’s no wimp, no pushover, not to be trifled with. Well, that used to be the case before overprotective mothers turned many of them into dainty butterflies, unable to fend for themselves or do anything masculine.

“Is how dat boy so dainty and effeminate?”

“Blame it on his mother; she sissify him.”

“He is very well-favoured, and he speaks very shrewishly. One would think his mother’s milk were scarce out of him.” — Shakespeare.

So let’s fast-forward to those who actually survived those early years and made it to normal puberty, when the rites of passage are of utmost importance in a young man’s life. What’s a rite of passage anyway?

“A rite of passage is a ceremony or ritual of the passage which usually occurs when an individual leaves one group to enter another. It involves a complete change of status in society. Examples of life cycle events include birth, puberty, the transition to adulthood and marriage.”

Okay, so I’m on the right track.

For a teenage boy, one very important rite of passage is that of getting a girlfriend. Now, before you chastise me, please remember that biologically a young man is at his sexual peak at age 17, that’s a scientific fact. It’s an established dictate of nature.

Back in the day this rite of passage included not only acquiring a girlfriend but, to put it crudely, brukking your ducks — yes, having your first sexual experience.

Remember that I mentioned that some men actually took their teenage boys to have their first sexual experience with a prostitute.

“Yeah man, him is big man now.”

It works for some but is traumatic for others who false start and jump the gun.

So, among a teenage boy’s peer group was the question, “Yu bruk yu ducks yet?” Ducks is a cricketing term for zero, so to score your first run is to break your ducks. Naturally, no one wanted to be left out, deemed inadequate, so they all did the next best thing and lied, saying “Yes.”

Many a poor schoolgirl had her reputation ruined because of the lies and falsehoods that boys spread about her and their manhood. But some not only actually completed the sexual rite of passage but had tangible proof. Yes, they got a girl pregnant, the ultimate achievement in the rite of passage that elevated the young man to fatherhood status.

“You heard the news? Norman get baby form his girlfriend.”

Let’s be cognisant of the fact that teenage pregnancy is rife in, not only our society but many other countries in the world; so teenage girls have rites too. Some people may frown on that sort of behaviour but sexual rites of passage are important to many young men. It’s a harsh reality, a fact of life. Young men are perennially horny.

But what happens if the young man is not allowed to participate in this rite of passage? What happens if he’s not allowed to sow his proverbial wild oats? In one word — disaster.

I know of some men who had no experience in that area and they turned out to be sexually ignorant, with some being actually asexual, having no interest in sex, and some even hating women.

I have spoken to a number of men who got married very young to the first girl who they got involved with. Sure, it all seemed cute and romantic to marry your high school sweetheart, but as the passage of time rolls on and the man has no frame of reference to fall back on, no comparative analysis, no mesmerising memories of past sexual exploits (good or bad), no ribald, raunchy, rambunctious romances, he has regrets.

I ask you, would you like it if your son wanted to marry the first girl that he got involved with from high school? Worse, if the marriage to that first love eventually breaks up then the regrets rise even more, and remorse festers.

“Oh, I lament the loss of my youth,” is what I’ve heard from those men who regret not sowing their wild oats when they could.

Again, let me stress that I’m not advocating wanton promiscuity for young men, but given a choice of multiple, safe, responsible experiences before you eventually settle down, or just having the experience of one woman for your entire life, which would you prefer?

You and I know what the average man would say, even though there are some men who are not average but have a low libido, stunted sex drive, diminished desire, so it wouldn’t really matter to them if they only had one woman or not.

For the rest of us, those rites of passage are important in a young man’s life, for they give a frame of reference and are truly the spice of life.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Nothing is wrong with healthy criticism, but when the criticism takes on a personal bent, filled with venom and vitriol, that’s another matter. Lord knows I have suffered from such. The most recent, though, concerns the harsh criticism meted out to celebrated playwright Basil Dawkins and his play, No Hope for Hopie. The female critic launched a broadside into the play, saying, among other things, that the script is weak. This from someone who has never written a play in her life. A play is a slice of life, a reflection, but it also has artistic licence for dramatic effect — that’s the nature of playwriting. It’s not a factual documentary. It hurts my heart when people, long past their prime and seeking to remain relevant at the expense of the work of others, tear down people’s efforts. Bad mind is a terrible affliction.