Get thee a good husband

And use him

As he uses thee.

– Shakespeare

THAT’S all some women want to hear: “Get thee a good husband and use him.” However, they carefully choose to ignore the other part that says “as he uses thee” so they use him and use him and use him. It was Bill Withers who sang Use me.

Yes I wanna spread the news

That it feels this good getting used

Oh you just keep on usin’ me

Until you use me up

Still, some men do not mind being used as they fit right into the role of househusband. Well, if you can have housewife spoken of freely with no stigma attached then you can certainly have househusband, as some men seem to slide easily into the position.

Housewives have been around in all societies from the beginning of civilisation. She is the one who takes care of the house, sees to it that it’s kept clean and presentable; caters to the children, making sure that they are well looked after, well fed and properly dressed; and ensures that the entire household is perfect.

Nobody should visit her house and find anything to criticise. That’s quite a task, and one that most men would not dare to attempt. After all, women are born to do that sort of thing, it’s been said. Not by me, mark you, but it’s the accepted notion by societies around the world…until now, for lo and behold there is now the househusband — a man who not only assumes the role of the housewife but often outdoes her, and enjoys it in the process too.

The househusband, that’s who we’ll examine today, right after these responses to my opinion regarding ‘Treat her well’.

Hi Tony,

Here is an idea. Treat women well and you will find out pretty quickly what type of woman you have on your hands. If it’s one who takes you for granted, time to cut ties and move on to the next woman. Treat them badly and if they put up with you, they may be a keeper. Treat them well or not, you will find out what type you have.

Mathew

Teerob,

I’m afraid I have to join the chorus of cynics who declare that if you treat a woman too well she will get too used to it and take you for granted. I never used to think that way and treated my woman very well until I found out the hard way. She just took and took and took, walked all over me, and even expected more than I could give. Never again.

Roger

Maybe it’s an anomaly of nature, an aberration, something out of the ordinary, but there are some men who are suited to be househusbands and able to assume the role with relish, enthusiasm and gusto. We have established what a housewife is, and there are many people who would say that no man is equal to the task. But some are, and take to it like a duck takes to water.

Let’s face it, housework is hard, thankless and unforgiving. As soon as you finish it, there is more to be done. And yet, women seem to accomplish it with consummate ease. Well, maybe not consummate ease but they do seem to get the job done with utmost efficiency.

Is that why most, if not all domestic helpers and day workers are females and not men? Answer me honestly: If you requested a day worker/household helper to come to your house and a man showed up, how would you react?

“Excuse me, but are you sure that you have the right address?”

But if a woman showed up you wouldn’t even bat an eyelid but raher accept it as the natural order of the universe. Ask the average man to clean the house and to do the necessary chores and he’d bawl how difficult it is.

“Is so housework hard? Mi cyaa manage dis.”

“Honey, you really expect me to bend down and scrub the bathroom floor and toilet?”

So, for a man to take on that task he’d have to be a special type of man indeed. Mark you, this occurs frequently in North America and Europe but there are a few cases here also. There are men who are stay-at-home dads, and perhaps have more flexible hours than their partners.

Even so, can you imagine my shock and dismay when a man told me that he washes and irons his wife’s clothes for her?

“Say what?” I asked, to which he replied, “Well, I’m home most of the time so I just do it to save her the bother.”

Not only that, but he also cooks for the family and takes care of the children’s needs too.

“I hope that she appreciates and sings your praises,” is what someone within earshot said.

“Yes, she always boasts to her friends what a good husband I am,” he replied.

And a good man he is, too, for the very thought of a man putting on an apron, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, and taking care of the children would be anathema to most men.

“No sah, me couldn’ manage dat.”

Maybe that’s why househusbands are in the minority, for many men would feel kinda ‘cute’ to assume that role. And yet, some do. There have been cases of men forced into the role due to unforeseen circumstances. In some instances the spouse just up and left the man with the children, forcing him to take on the task of househusband.

I’m not referring to that, but more about voluntary househusbands who go about their task with a song in their heart and a spring in their step.

“Why is he so cheerful ?”

“Oh, he’s a househusband who loves what he does.”

All men are not created equal so all men can not be househusbands. There is alsothe question of male ego, machismo and pride, for whereas a woman can answer the question:

“So what do you do?”

“I’m a housewife.” Not many men would be able to reply in the same manner.

Then there’s the question of self-esteem, for few men would relish the thought that their spouse goes to work every day while he stays at home to be a househusband.

I mentioned that it occurs in many so-called First World countries but are we ready for that? The irony is, many men are househusbands without even being aware of it, as the role subtly creeps up on them.

“Take out the garbage, and while you’re at it wash the dishes too.”

After that it’s taking down the curtains and washing them, washing the bathroom mats, washing the mops and such delight. Even the househusband who I mentioned earlier, who washed and ironed his spouse’s clothes, admitted that he hates washing dishes.

“Doing it occasionally is okay, I guess, but when it becomes the assigned task then it spells the beginning of the man becoming a househusband,” is the common thought.

Then he’s told to make the bed every morning, making some people ask, “Why make the bed every morning if it’s being slept in again later?” But many women love it when the bed is made, and assign that task to the househusband.

“And make sure that you tuck in the sheets properly too.”

“Yes dear.”

But what he secretly thinks is, “Go tuck yourself.”

Then he’ll be asked to prepare all the meals for the week.

“Honey you’re such a good cook, just keep on doing it nuh.”

“Take out the garbage, wash the dishes, wash and iron her clothes, take care of the children. Wait, who am I? I’m a househusband.”

I’m not saying that men should not help around the house, of course they should, but when the question is asked, “Who wears the apron in the house?” his hand should not go up.

Men should help their partners around the house, especially doing the heavy stuff, but asking the man to assume the role of housekeeping, getting down on his hands and knees to scrub the floor, wash out the toilet, wash the dishes, cook all the meals, cater to the children, is perhaps a bit too much.

Believe it or not, when that happens the balance of power will shift and the woman views the man a bit differently, no longer seeing him as manly; a man wearing an apron and down on his knees scrubbing the floor does not present a picture of powerful masculinity.

It even affects his social status.

“Hey Robert, you coming to the match?”

“I can’t, I have housework to do.”

I have seen it happen often enough to take note of it. As the old saying goes, “There but for the grace of God go I.” After a while, she wears the pants and he wears the apron.

Ah bwoy, I’m in so much trouble now.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Our beautiful ladies continue to do us proud in the sporting arena, with our Reggae Girlz doing so great in the Women’s World Cup and our Sunshine Girls copping the bronze medal in the Netball World Cup, beating former champions New Zealand twice in the process and narrowly losing their only game to Australia. Our netballers are, without question, our most accomplished team in our country’s history, being in the top four world rankings consistently for many years and even being ranked at number two at one point. The Sunshine Girls have battled without complaint for so long, and I must commend people like Molly Rhone and Marva Bernard for being stalwarts in netball for our country.