THE memory is very vivid because it was so painful. The then 11-year-old girl recalls that she was awakened by the touch of a hand caressing her body. The egregious early morning assault plunged her into a downward spiral that led her to become suicidal and enter into a life of prostitution.

But in that darkness she found hope nestled in the warm embrace of her growing faith and is now pursuing her dream to become a marine biologist while counselling other young victims who have endured similar horrid experiences.

It was a school morning. The perpetrator, her mother’s boyfriend, had offered her a sweet in exchange for her virtue, a request she denied. Relentless, he made a second attempt, this time offering her $500, but she refused to budge.

“When I came home from school my mommy was still at work. Her boyfriend had left work early, and before I could take off my uniform he locked all the doors, and there was a big blue towel on the bed with some pillows around it. He pushed me down on the bed and then started taking off my clothes. I couldn’t scream out because he had put one of the pillows over my face,” she told the Jamaica Observer.

As he ravished her tiny body she recalls bleeding, but the sight of blood did nothing to stop him. When she thought it was finally over she said another request came her way, this time for oral sex.

“I started crying. I started screaming out in the house. His mom lived in the yard. She came around, and she was asking ‘What happened?’ I started telling her what happened and she said I must stop telling lies on her son,” she recalled.

Devastated, scared, and feeling alone she confided in her mother, who promised to take action if the assault happened again.

Three months passed, filled with multiple sexual assaults by the same man and still, she said, her mother did nothing.

“During these moments I was devastated. I felt like I wanted to run away. I was feeling suicidal because I had my life set. I had a dream board, and right after he started to sexually abuse me it felt like my life was over. It just didn’t make sense anymore,” she said.

“I started cutting my wrist because I expected my mom to be on my side, knowing that I don’t have anybody else to talk to. I didn’t expect her to put her boyfriend over me, and at that time it was in my mind just to poison them,” she told the Sunday Observer.

It wasn’t until her belly began to swell with the evidence of the multiple assaults that her mother took some kind of action, taking her to a doctor, and then the police.

When the time came for a police report she said her mother told her to say that she was raped by someone on the streets. She refused.

“Every day she would get up and beat me while I was pregnant, saying that I tell lie on her boyfriend so now he has to be hiding, and I have to give up my baby for adoption,” she recalled.

When she refused, her mother told her to leave the house. Fortunately she found refuge in a home for teenaged girls in crisis for four years. It was there she gave birth to her first child, who was placed in a separate home. However, the death of her social worker, who often took her to see her son, meant she no longer had access to her baby boy.

Frustrated and wanting a new place to call home, she ran away, turning to prostitution at age 15.

In the shadowed alleys and dimly lit streets she sought refuge from her pain, trading her dignity for the mere semblance of security.

“Prostitution was the only option. It was something I didn’t see myself doing; I saw myself as a better person. While doing that I cried day and night. I used to pretend that I was comfortable with it, knowing that I was dying inside,” she shared.

During this time she said she formed a toxic relationship with a man she met in St Ann, who later became the father of her second child.

“I tried to do an abortion. I googled what I could use because during that time I didn’t have the money to buy the pill. I tried to use aspirin twice but it didn’t work,” she said.

When the relationship started to go south she again needed to find a new home for herself and her unborn child. She contacted her cousin, who introduced her to a 36-year-old man who agreed to take care of her in exchange for sex. However, the relationship deteriorated when she gave birth to her second child at 16 years old.

“I kept leaving and going back because I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I couldn’t turn to my grandma because she didn’t know what was happening in my life, and I didn’t want to get her involved. My other family members weren’t on good terms with my mom so they excluded me from the family. I was on my own, and he was the only person who would always take me in,” she explained.

Bouncing back and forth from the man and the home for girls in crisis, she said that she felt lost. By the time she was 20 she was pregnant with her third child by the man she had met through her cousin. But he denied their baby and threatened to kill her if she took him to court for child support.

“I used to pray that better days would come. I eventually stopped praying because I was expecting God to answer my prayers same time. I started to get addicted to sex until one day I decided I wanted better for myself. I gave my life to God and just turned off that thought,” she said.

In the embrace of her newfound faith she said she returned to the group home where she then had her third child and found the courage to confront her past. With each step towards healing she said she felt the weight of shame and guilt begin to lift, replaced by a sense of peace.

“The support from the home I’m at now gave me the strength to continue my dreams. They helped me to free my mind. I got to talk more and they encouraged me. While I’m here, I’m uplifted. I get help, and now I’m even counselling other girls,” she told the
Sunday Observer.

“I try to counsel them the best way I can. I give them advice, share my story with them, and I allow them to use my story as an example that anything is possible,” she said

Eventually, she was able to reconnect and get custody of her last two children, but her first child remains in foster care.

Now she looks to the future, pursuing her dream of becoming a marine biologist after having been accepted into a programme which will start in two months.

Report child abuse using the 24-hour child abuse reporting hotline 211 or through WhatsApp/text at (876)878-2882, e-mail report@childprotection.gov.jm, or by visiting any Child Protection and Family Services Agency (CPFSA) parish office. The CPFSA social media pages (Instagram, Facebook, Twitter) @cpfsajm are also available for citizens to make reports.