By the time she was 16 years old she was raped repeatedly by three of her uncles. The traumatic experiences — by her count more than 2,000 times — drove her to become drug and alcoholic dependent, suicidal, homeless, and filled with anger that ripped her world apart.

For more than 20 years she struggled to grapple with the psychological toll of these assaults, which started when she was just eight years old. Now, at age 45, she has risen from the ashes like a phoenix, helping other women with similar experiences find purpose, life, and peace through her non-profit organisation.

“I’m a survivor,” she told the Jamaica Observer in an interview last week.

The nights of sexual assault unfurled during the years she visited her mother’s family for holidays.

“I was lying down in the bed at night. My grandmother was sleeping in the same bed with me, and my uncle came into the bed and raped me right there by my grandmother. It happened, and it kept happening over and over, night after night. My grandmother never said anything. She never did anything,” the survivor told the Sunday Observer.

Eventually, one uncle turned into two, then three, all of whom, she said, were gang members heavily involved in illegal activities during the 1980s.

“I would pretend like nothing is happening. I would pretend like nothing exists. I would just drift off into a world that felt safe,” she said.

“I remember when I got to take a shower, I would bathe for so long. Me woulda stand up under the water just crying under the pipe, and I was just praying that when I came out I would feel clean because I always felt dirty,” she shared.

By the time she was 15, she finally got the courage to tell her uncle’s girlfriend that she was being sexually assaulted. The news spread to family members who ostracised her, a decision she believed they made in fear of retaliation from the uncles who held much power in their community.

“When I looked at every holiday
— Christmas, Easter, and summer
— and I looked at all the days in those holidays over the course of eight years and every night being raped I came to the conclusion that it was over 2,000 times that I was assaulted by my uncles,” she explained.

The experience, she said, filled her with anger and she became bitter towards her mother and grandmother because it was their family that was causing her so much pain, and they did nothing to help.

She became a drug and alcohol addict, failing all her classes in school and not graduating. By the time she was 17, she got pregnant, and her father kicked her out. She went to live with her boyfriend and his family, where, she said, she was physically abused daily by her boyfriend.

Longing for peace, she said she joined a church and was told she had to marry her abuser because it was unacceptable to live with someone out of wedlock. When the marriage failed, her ex-husband took the roof off their house and left with all the furniture, leaving her homeless, she said.

“When I got to my early 20s, it got to the point where I was like, ‘It better if me just dead’. I felt alone. I felt isolated. I felt like it was me against the world, and I just wanted to die. I thought of different ways to die, and I actually tried them,” she told the Sunday Observer.

It wasn’t until she was in her mid-20s that, she said, she got tired of living like a victim and found a new church where she aligned herself with positive influences.

With the help of her then-boyfriend
— whom she eventually married
— the pastor of her church, and an elderly woman who saw her potential, she registered at The University of the West Indies, graduating with a bachelor’s in nursing at 30 years old.

Graduation day was bittersweet as she chose that moment to tell her father about the life of sexual abuse to which she was subjected
— his ignorance attributed to his days away from home for work.

“When my father found out he cried, he just broke down and cried,” she recalled, adding that she found it within herself to forgive his ignorance, but still held much hatred for her mother and grandmother.

When she reached out to her mother, at age 35, and tried to rebuild their relationship, she was unsuccessful, but at this point she decided, “I am going to be in control of my life. I am going to stop waiting for her to give me permission to live.”

On her journey to healing the survivor, who now has a masters degree in forensics, founded a non-governmental organisation that provides life coaching and mentorship for women who were victims of abuse.

“I believe that every individual, especially those who go through something and live to tell the tale, it’s for a purpose. I help people to identify that purpose and be able to walk in that purpose fully without shame, self-blame, and judgment,” she explained.

She is now a pastor, motivational speaker, and counsellor living in the United States with her husband and three children.

After much work, she repaired the relationship with her mother and refuses to be classified as a victim.

“I know a lot of people say the word victim, not meaning to undermine or demean anybody. I don’t think that is the case most times, but it has a lot to do with your mindset, what we think of ourselves, and how we see ourselves. When I look in the mirror, what do I see? Do I see a victim, or do I see someone who has triumphed over the adversity?” she questioned.

“I was a victim, but since I have overcome, I am now an overcomer. I’m now a survivor, and I believe that it helps the individual when they are able to see themselves in a different light and not be identified by the circumstance,” she said.