Out of the door, you witch,

You hag, you baggage, you polecat,

You ronyon, out, out!

I’ll conjure you,

I’ll fortune tell you.

— Shakespeare,
The Merry Wives Of Windsor

Thou art but a boil, a plague sore,

An embossed carbuncle,

In my corrupted blood.

— Shakespeare,
King Lear

What a cussing those people drop on who they wanted to part ways with. But that art of eloquently dispatching someone from your life has long since gone. People do not cuss each other like that anymore, especially in Jamaica where the tirade is usually constructed of choice words of the fabric variety, punctuated with cloth this, cloth that.

What is true is that women tend to curse men more than the other way around. Have you ever heard a woman lay a cussing on a man who she thinks has wronged her? It’s sheer poetry. Very few men can master such eloquently negative words to give a woman her marching papers.

Women though, ah women, they have the gift of the gab, and will cuss a man blue before she decides to call it a day and quit the relationship. Have you ever heard a woman say, “I have a cussing for him yu see, wait til I see him again, him nah get way.”

What is true, though, is that many women will hang on for dear life to a relationship that’s not going anywhere, even though it’s showing all the indications that it’s time to leave.

They will suffer through all the hurt and pain but just don’t know when to leave. Or do they know? When is it time to leave? We’ll see, right after these responses to my take on ‘Always the man’s fault.’

Hi Tony,

If it’s true that it’s always the man’s fault, and if the man is perfect and his woman becomes dissatisfied, you can’t win. The only solution is, pick your battles, be somewhat perfect, but play the bad boy. Find what turns her on and play that role. What is it that she is bored with and do the things that excite her. How about turning the tables and blaming her for everything?

Gordon

Teerob,

I have grown to realise that no matter what I do or say, I’m always wrong and it’s always my fault. You see, I’ve been married for 20 years, and not once have I done anything right or said anything right as far as my wife is concerned. It didn’t start out this way, but as the years passed I detected a shift in her attitude and the blame game began. But my back is broad, so I live with it.

Chris

I have learnt through experience and observation never to advise anyone to leave a relationship, no matter how bad it may seem, as that advice can come back to haunt you and blow up in your face when the couples put their heads pon pillow, as the old saying goes. Leave people business alone.

Yet, it’s agonising to watch people go through hell as they complain bitterly about their situation, yet remain rooted to the spot, hanging on for dear life like a politician to his job, refusing go leave, for love or money, as old timers used to say.

They endure, they suffer, they whine, they stick it out, yet refuse to leave. Men tend to leave easier than women, maybe because they have more options and are perhaps more marketable after they become single again. At least that’s the perception.

But women leave too, and when they do, it can be devastating to a man’s ego. No matter how big and tough he seems to be, and no matter how cruel he treats her, the fact that she left him crushed him like a ton of bricks falling on top of him.

“She left me, gone, never to return. My life is over.”

That’s why some men refuse to let the woman leave, no matter how toxic the relationship is. He’ll beg, beseech and cajole her to stay, only to continue his brutality after his ego has been assuaged.

But women leave for different reasons, and if you recall what I wrote about that famous football star’s wife leaving him because ‘he was too good’, you’ll catch my drift. She just upped and left like Lucille. Remember Lucille from the song by Kenny Rogers?

‘You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille,

With four hungry children and a crop in the field,

I’ve had some bad times, lived through sad times

But this time your hurting won’t heal,

You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille.’

How many Lucilles are reading this, and how many men have had that experience of a woman leaving them in their time of need when they’re at their lowest? Yes, women will leave for reasons known only to them, taking many men by surprise.

“One day I came home and she was gone, just like that.”

One reason is boredom, as in the case of that Brazilian football star’s wife who left him because he was too perfect. She got bored with him and wanted some spice in her life. I have heard women say, “I wouldn’t mind a little trouble from him now and then to keep things interesting.”

Some may not actually leave, especially if they’re past a certain age, but the younger ones will certainly walk away to seek excitement. That’s why it’s dangerous for older men to get involved with women who are much younger than them. What she just picking up, the man put down long time ago, so she gets bored with him.

When some men feel constantly pressured to change the way that they are, then it’s time to leave. People are who they are and it’s unfair to try to ask them to be different. It was Popeye who said, “I am what I am.”

When a man is constantly trying to adapt a different persona, change his ways just to suit a woman, then there comes a time when it’s time to leave.

“You tell me to do this, I do it, you tell me to act this way, I act it, I can’t dance to your tune anymore, I’m gone.”

When a man hits a woman, it’s time for her to leave, and that’s non-negotiable. And yet, there are women who will sit and simmer in those toxic relationships without choosing to take the right step and get the helloutathere.

Many will postpone the departure, citing all manner of excuses why they can’t leave. Year one of the marriage, he slaps her, apologises; year two, he punches her, apologises; year three, it’s kicking time, no apology; by year five she’s a physical and emotional wreck. Yet she will not leave. By year seven she might be dead. Speaking of, have you noticed the spate of high-profile cases of men killing their wives plastered all over the media recently?

Big name tapanaris men, killing their wives, arrested, tried, found guilty and sentenced to prison. Did those women wait too long before it was time to leave? Did they ignore the telltale signs? Were there any signs at all, or did murder creep into the relationship like a thief in the night? Outsiders looking on will never know, but chances are, there were indicators that were overlooked or ignored.

But back to when it’s time to leave for reasons not so gruesome. One is losing interest in your partner. Yes, it does happen. When you both started out the interest was very high, she always wanted to be in his company and he in turn couldn’t get enough of her. They were always doing things together, but sadly the interest faded, fizzled, flopped, either on his side, or on hers. Men, at this point, will tend to stay out a lot, hanging out with their friends or finding things to do, maybe in the company of another woman who’ll pique his interest.

Women will get immersed in their work, church, social activities, constant house cleaning, anything but to be alone with the man. If they’re a long married couple, then it’s too late to leave, for there’s nowhere to go at their age, so they sit and endure what years they have left. This has caught many empty-nesters, where the kids have grown and left the house, leaving the parents all alone with each other with no distractions. It’s agony for some couples, but it’s too late to leave.

But if they’re still young and vibrant, and the interest has waned, diminished, declined, then it’s best to depart. Why settle at such a young age when options await you elsewhere? If you’re constantly arguing with each other, it’s time to leave. Living for years like puss and dog, constantly arguing and quarrelling, bickering, never a moment’s peace. What an ordeal, what hell. At that point it’s time to leave, but many do not, preferring to wallow in the cacophony of confusion as they scream at the top of their voices for eternity.

And lastly, it’s time to leave when there’s no love. Why should two young people stay together when there’s no love in the relationship? As someone said, ‘You will never be truly happy if you continually hold on to things that make you sad.’

I know you may be thinking, “He can say all that, but it’s not so easy to leave.” And that may very well be true, but you have to be decisive, be strong, don’t take crap, look out for yourself and know when it’s time to leave.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: I’ve asked the question countless times, why do women remain in toxic relationships, is it for the money, the fame, the prestige? I saw a video on USA news that made me cringe. It showed what the authorities say is P Diddy grabbing, punching and kicking his girlfriend, now his ex, with such ferocity that I have never seen a man do to a woman before. How a man can do that to a woman is beyond me. I have done martial arts for many years, and fought dangerous men all over the world, so I know violence, but what I saw on that video was frightening. Eventually the lady left the relationship, sued him and accepted a settlement out of court. But the law states that due to the statute of limitations, that video can’t be used as evidence to charge him. It’s scary.