Dear Editor,

On Wednesday, June 5 the Jamaica Observer carried a news item in which the Jamaica Independent Schools’ Association (JISA) called for a shift in our cultural mindset concerning corporal punishment. As expected, it has reignited robust discussions online as to whether the Government has the right to dictate to parents how to correct their children when they have done wrong.

Given our religious nature, many people referenced Proverbs 13:24: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” The phrase “Spare the rod, spoil the child” is often used in our lingua, though it is not exactly what the scripture says. Notwithstanding, it is usually cited in the context of spanking or other means of corporal punishment. Taking the text at face value, one will easily jump to the conclusion that King Solomon was referring solely to physical discipline; however, what other meaning and application can we discern from Solomon’s counsel?

Solomon teaches that withholding discipline is equivalent to despising one’s child, while correction is a means of loving him or her. Put differently, allowing a child to always do as he or she pleases is not beneficial to the child. The better, more loving action is to guide the child away from sinful, disrespectful, and rebellious ways into a more obedient path. Essentially, Solomon suggests that loving discipline benefits the child. But does loving discipline mean physically harming or abusing the child? Does it mean banging the child’s head into a concrete surface several times until he or she becomes unconscious? Where is the love when a parent or another adult uses electric wires to flog a child?

Of course, some will argue that they grew up under those conditions yet they turned out to be better individuals. However, the opposite is also true. Many have grown to despise their parents and teachers, and their built-up anger has accompanied them throughout their adult years. Given that many of us did not learn to regulate our emotions, we are often “crass, angry, and miserable”, and this adds to physical and verbal abuse in our daily interpersonal exchanges.

Incontestably, parenting is difficult! But parents, too, need to monitor their emotions and impulses. Sometimes they say very unkind and hurtful words to their children as an in-the-moment reaction, which some of them regret afterwards, but many parents are too immature to apologise to their children when they are wrong. We need to increase the value we place on effective communication strategies between adults and children. In addition, adults need to recognise that every child is different and different strategies have to be applied based on the child’s personality, the degree of infraction, and the lesson we want the child to learn.

In a recent letter to the editor, Jaemar Johnson — behaviour analyst and special education coordinator — noted, “If we are going to be integral in our theology, the shepherd’s [a typology of God] rod was never used to administer physical violence, but was used to gentl[y] redirect the flock.”

Recently, the Lord gave me a revelation from Matthew 14:22-26. It is the story with the disciples at sea and Peter walking on water. The word was “Rescue first, chastise later.”

When Peter started to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately, Jesus reached out His hand and caught him. Jesus did not allow Peter to drown. He did not rejoice that Peter was sinking. He did not insult Peter. He did not laugh at Peter. He did not reprimand Peter while he was on the verge of drowning; instead, Jesus rescued Peter before He chastised him: “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”

How often do we see others sinking but we rejoice at their demise? We insult them while they are drowning — struggling to catch their breaths. We criticise them heavily during their down moments. We sometimes join others to laugh at them and spread their stories, many times without knowing the full context of their experiences. They are already aware of their sin, struggle, and fall. They do not need to be reminded while they are being washed away at sea. Instead, we should help them out of their dilemma and put them back on their feet. Afterwards, at an appropriate time, we can chastise them in love. Chastisement should not be about condemnation, but about love. We should call out wrong, but there is an appropriate time, tone, and place to do it.

Many of our children and youth are drowning, but instead of rescuing them first, we inflict wounds, thus making their situation worse by further reducing their self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem. Our rod of correction must make sense.

Oneil Madden

maddenoniel@yahoo.com