Love me or hate me,

Both are in my favour,

If you love me

I’ll always be in your heart,

If you hate me,

I’ll always be in your mind.

— Shakespeare

SO no matter how you cut it, no matter how you slice and dice it, whether you love or hate the person they’ll always be in your consciousness. Those two powerful emotions of love and hate are always the overarching factors that affect men and women who are often conflicted in their feelings towards each other.

I’m sure that you’ve heard women say, “I hate it that I love him so much for he’s really horrible.” To step it up a notch though, there are people who really hate the opposite sex.

In a man’s case it’s called misogyny, where the man actually hates women like poison, and all that they stand for. That term has been bandied about for centuries and is very well known.

What we hardly hear about though is misandry wherein women hate men — which is ironic — for real or imagined, the perception is that more women hate men than the other way around, or so it would seem. This is based on the constant uttering from women who dedicate their lives to cussing men, calling them worthless, deadbeat, irresponsible, mean, and other names not fit for airplay.

“Man, all my wife do is cuss me every day, morning noon and night.”

Some women spend their entire waking hours cussing men, either to their face or to their relatives and friends. If you do your own research you’ll have to admit that more women go around complaining and cussing men than the other way around. Of course, they’ll say that it’s justified, seeing as how many men fit the bill and deserve it. All men are dogs, remember? I wrote that now infamous column years ago with that title, and oh how the women loved it.

But apart from that, just like how there are misogynists, there are also misandrists — women who genuinely hate men for reasons that sometimes even they are not aware of.

Who is worse, the misogynist or the misandrist? And who will fare better in this topsy-turvy world of male/female conflict? Misogyny versus misandry, we’ll find out more, right after these comments about what I had to say about ‘Coping mechanisms’.

Hi Tony,

Coping is dealing with struggles and difficulties in life. I suppose everyone has some form of difficulty, just different degrees of same. Perhaps even lottery winners may have struggles with how to spend all that money. That is one problem I could cope with.

Sandra

Hi Teerob,

It’s amazing how you’re able to capture what people feel without even knowing them personally. After I read your article I could almost swear that you were writing about me. Yes, I have challenges in my relationship, but find ways to cope to avoid having a breakdown. I delve into housework as a coping mechanism. How did you know, did my husband speak to you?

Samantha

We all know about misogyny, or at least have heard the term thrown at men from the dawn of time, especially by angry women who often use it in the wrong context. As soon as a man has anything to say about a woman, he’s a misogynist.

What we hardly hear though is the counter word, misandry: the hatred of men by women. The men have been feeling it for years,but just didn’t know that there was a word for it.

Misandry: The hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against men or boys.

Someone once said that misandry is a strong dislike of all men, and if your dog ferociously barks at every man she encounters you may wonder if she suffers from misandry.

But seriously though, which is worse, misogyny or misandry? The thing is, sometimes women label men as being misogynists because they dare to tell the truth, and the last thing that many women want to hear is the cold, hard truth. There is a powerful line from the movie
A few Good Men, spoken by actor Jack Nicholson: “You can’t handle the truth.”

I’m sure that it applies to men too, for sometimes the truth really hurts. But you haven’t got to curse the one telling it, berating them, calling them names, labelling them.

As soon as a man dares to say anything about women he’s called a misogynist, even though women have cornered the market on cussing men, as I’ve pointed out, cursing them, berating them, and even hitting them at will. If a man says that a woman has a bad attitude, rotten character, is selfish, needy, never satisfied, ill-tempered, love men with money, he’s called a misogynist.

Of course there are true misogynists, men who really dislike or even hate women, but there’s an ironic twist to that — though in many cases you’d never know — for some of the most notable womanisers, ladies’ men, village rams, gyallis, swordsmen extraordinaire, are deep down misogynists.

Yes, even though you see them always in the company of women they really have a loathing and contempt for them that’s disguised expertly and secretly. For them, having sex with as many woman as they can is their way of exacting revenge and punishment on the objects of their loathing.

Sounds weird, eh? But it’s true. In most cases, though, those men do not treat women with respect nor treat them well and will handle them rough, often laced with verbal or physical abuse, showing no form of tenderness or affection. That’s how you spot the closet misogynist.

The misandrist though, what’s her story? In many cases this stems from some deep-rooted childhood memory or memories that the woman has festering in her head. This could stem from a brutal, violent, uncaring, domineering father who inflicted emotional and/or physical pain on either the child or her mother.

“He was a brutal, controlling man; I’ll never forgive him.”

Either that or fraternal neglect.

“My father disowned me for years.”

Having experienced or witnessed that, the child grows up with a dislike or even hatred of all men. Sometimes she will take this feeling to the grave, having nothing to do with men, finding solace and comfort in other women instead.

Years ago I did some research on lesbianism, spoke to many personally, and most told me that they were molested or sexually abused by men — neighbours, family members — as a child.

That being said, though, not all misandrists are lesbians, but are all lesbians misandrists? Not at all, many lesbians have no hatred or loathing towards men but simply choose that lifestyle.

What is even more conflicting is when the misandrist becomes romantically involved with a member of the opposite sex. That’s where the emotional, psychological, and physical confusion boils over. On the one hand she has a deep dislike for men, based on her childhood experiences, yet her female hormones and needs attract her to the company of the opposite sex. Seasonal misandrist, the perfect storm.

Maybe that’s one reason women deny their men — they really can’t stand to have sex with someone who they subconsciously loath.

She hates her father and all that he stood for yet she’s attracted to men and what they do to her body. But her father was a man, and she hates him, and her partner is a man, so he should be hated too. The conflict rages.

Not all misandrists come from childhood experiences with fathers, though. Sometimes it’s from brutal brothers, witnessing a history of men suppressing women, a violent ex-partner, feeling overlooked or unwanted by men, and downtrodden. That’s why they say that it’s a man’s world, and the women simply hate men for that perception.

Is that perhaps why all those feminist groups popped up over the years? Is that why the burning of brassieres became the symbol of female equality? Is there some link to the Me Too Movement where powerful men are targeted? Or did women simply become tired of male dominance and decide to rise up and be heard?

Now, I’m not saying that all those groups and movements are made up of misandrists, but who knows if a large number of the members aren’t?

“I feel that man-hating is an honourable and viable political act.” — Robin Morgan

“Women have very little idea of how much men hate them.” — Germaine Greer

“I’m not a lesbian. I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian.” — Julia Louis Dreyfus

“All men are rapists, and that’s all they are.” — Marilyn French

“I love men but I hate men as well.” — Bretman Rock

All from the mares’ mouth, but men express it too, as the song
Maneater by Hall and Oates suggests.

She’s deadly man

And she could rip your world apart

Ooh, the beauty is there

But a beast is in the heart.

She’s a maneater.

Oh oh here she comes

Watch out boy, she’ll chew you up

Oh oh here she comes

She’s a maneater

But hear this now, there are also misogynists who are females, yes, women who hate women, and misandrists who are male, men who hate men. As Rodney King said, “Why can’t we just all get along?”

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: I’ve been out of the school loop for a very long time now so I was not intimately aware of the high expenses that many parents face. When I hear the price of school books it’s mind-boggling. The price of some books could buy a car tyre now, or a second-hand car many years ago. But it was the daily expenses that blew my mind. I asked a friend of mine how much he gave his children for lunch money each day. He said $1,000 to $1,500 each. He has two children, so do the math. This is the situation with many parents. Add transport to that and it’s a huge challenge. When I reflect on my time at school I can only give thanks for what my parents did for me. It just seems harder nowadays. Or is it all relative?