SOME Jamaicans say infidelity is an escape from the confines of monogamy and an opportunity to explore sexual fantasies. However, for others, it is a devastating act of betrayal that shatters lives, leaving broken hearts in its wake.

The Jamaica Observer, exploring the topic of infidelity and its effects, spoke with individuals who have cheated and been cheated on; they shared their truth, detailing unfiltered accounts of either moments of pleasure or pain.

The series follows last week’s revelation that a man, accused of setting fire to seven homes in Bellrock, St Andrew, carried out the act because he was angry that an intimate relationship with one of the fire victims ended due to infidelity.

A 24-year-old woman, who gave her name as Tasha, said her act of infidelity was out of a desire to feel cared for and appreciated. She shared that during her one-year relationship with her partner, he did not shower her with love and attention, making her resentful.

In an act of payback, she said she sought comfort in the arms of another.

“Do I regret it? No, I should’ve done it sooner,” she told Sunday Observer.

Tasha said that when her partner began to suspect infidelity, she initially lied to him to cover her tracks.

“My boyfriend then confronted me again while crying, and I gaslighted him into thinking I was at my aunt’s house. Frustrated at this point, I eventually told him all that he lacked and why I grew to hate him. I told him to pack my stuff and have them ready for me to pick up, then had the guy I was cheating with bring me my stuff.

“One of my proudest moments, if I do say so myself. I would definitely relive it,” Tasha laughed, adding that she felt much joy in making him feel as small as he made her feel.

A 54-year-old man, who gave his name as Leroy, said his act of infidelity was due to boredom and lack of sexual chemistry with his wife.

He shared that he would often find his eyes wandering to younger, more attractive women, who constantly flirted with him. At first, he denied their advances. However, when a huge fight with his wife caused their relationship to go sour, he eventually gave in to the temptation.

“Me a tell you say that night was one for the books. It’s like me did get to release all my anger and frustration and just enjoy myself and relax,” said Leroy.

“Me did feel a little way at first and I did regret it because is my wife and we were married for how long now, but in the moment, I never did think about how she would feel. I was just vexed and wah cool off and it just so happens that I buck a one girl and it happen,” he explained.

A narrative research review, published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health in 2023, entitled ‘Love and Infidelity: Causes and Consequences’ addressed the topic of infidelity and its impact.

The review was conducted by Ami Rokach, a professor in the Department of Psychology at York University in Toronto, Canada, and Sybil Chan, a professor in the Faculty of Education at Western University in London, England.

In their review of previous published research on infidelity, they found that most people engage in infidelity to fill a void or feel pleasure. This supports the notion shared by relationship and sex therapist Professor Karen Carpenter, while speaking with the Sunday Observer, that the majority of people who cheat do it because they want to feel differently about themselves.

“When people feel emotional shortfalls in their primary relationships, they may search for a deeper quality of romantic connection which includes more intimacy in their affairs to compensate for the insufficient intimacy experienced with primary partners,” the study revealed.

On the flip side, it found that revelations of infidelity take an emotional toll on victims, causing them to feel extreme anger, betrayal, insecurity, rage, shame, guilt, jealousy, and sadness. The study further noted that depressive symptoms following revelations of infidelity are common for victims.

Women were found to be more upset about emotional infidelity, while men were more upset about sexual infidelity.

While speaking with victims of infidelity, the Observer found some of these findings to be true.

A man, who spoke on condition of anonymity, shared that he was in a relationship for a year and a half when he found out that his girlfriend had sexual relations with another man.

He said that, at the time of the affair, he was struggling to juggle his various responsibilities and was in a low mental state. His mental health further deteriorated when he learned that his partner was being unfaithful a day before his birthday.

“I did not feel it the first couple of months, and then it started hitting me afterwards in waves. I would see somebody that reminded me of her, and I would feel like something grip my chest, or feel like a weight was just sitting on my chest,” he told the Sunday Observer.

“I was always on the fence about people to begin with, but this really took the cake for me,” he added.

“I started to question myself and my self-worth a lot. It messed me up for about two and a half years, but it also opened me up to the reality that that’s life. If you are going to look to get somebody into your life intimately, whether just a relationship or sexual, you are opening up yourself to also being hurt,” he reasoned.

A woman, who gave her name as Keisha, shared that she was in a three-year-long relationship with her boyfriend when she learned about his infidelity.

She said that she had suspicions that something was going on, but did not find concrete evidence until she came home early for work one day to find her boyfriend in bed with another woman.

“Mi a tell you is like a demon take over when I catch them. Mi drag di girl outta the bed and start give it to him,” she said.

“When him leave the house, me cut up all of him clothes and throw them outside; I broke him cologne bottle them, everything get mash up,” she recalled.

While she was filled with rage at the moment, it was in the quiet of the night when the reality of her current circumstances took a toll on her.

“The night I just curl up in my bed and bawl. For days I never eat or anything. I did so many things for that man, all make him come live with me and take care of him, and Jah know it did rough,” she shared.

“From that, no man can get mi fi do nothing for them. Mi understand say a nuh everybody ago be the same, but that nah reach me again,” said Keisha.