There is a fine line between festive and a fast-track to unemployment. Just ask any poor bloke who is worried about what could transpire at those work Christmas parties this Yuletide season. Many people have some amount of trepidation at manoeuvring through the awkward silences of idle chit chat, staying clear of the landmines that ‘office gossip’ conjures, or learning new moves on TikTok to impress younger staff members.

We know that there are a lot of nerves that go with your annual Christmas-do. Hence, Observer Online has put together a list of the things you should NOT do if you want to avoid losing all shreds of dignity.

1. Don’t drink too much

Don’t spike your eggnog with an extra dollop of white rum. Don’t imbibe too much because it will probably, more often than not, lead to inappropriate comments, over affectionate colleagues or actions that will land you in a meeting with your friendly, neighbourhood HR director. It is important to stay sober.

2. Don’t hang around certain people

Always be aware of your surroundings. Yes, you’re in the office but danger lurks everywhere during an alcohol-fueled soiree. Avoid the office wits who will try to ply you with alcohol and try mistletoe tricks to plant a big wet one on your lips.

3. Don’t be absent or first to leave

Remember this Xmas shindig is still a business event so your absence will be noticed by your competitive peers looking to one-up you for a promotion, or your boss and other bigwigs and higher ups. And oh remember, don’t be the first to leave.

4. No mistresses

Don’t bring your ill-mannered ‘side chick’ to the office mixer. And if you do bring your “friend”, let them know about the appropriate dress and topics of conversation they should avoid. Remember that your guest is a reflection of who you are, sort of like, show “me yu company…” you know the rest.

5. Business chic outfit, not nightclub naughty

Choose appropriate clothing that will not be entirely embarrassing to wear at work. Take it up a notch but business chique, not nightclub naughty. Females, don’t wear anything that is too tight, too short, or too low, and gentlemen, if you normally wear a suit to work, don’t show up in your bright red Xmas pajamas or (oh horror) jeans and tees.

6. Don’t be a grinch

Office Christmas parties present a wonderful opportunity to schmooze and network, even with people you secretly despise. Don’t spend the evening scrolling through Tik Tok or ogling the hot people on Instagram. When you speak to colleagues, avoid office gossip, and when you speak to colleagues, keep the conversation upbeat and positive. Now is not the time to complain about Christmas bonuses or the hard case ‘number cruncher’ in accounting giving you a rough time about receivables.

7. Don’t share embarrassing moments on social media

If you do see any of your colleagues behaving inappropriately, getting slightly drunk, or indulging in a little slap and tickle with other colleagues in closets, don’t record it or post it on social media for laughs and giggles. Don’t review the office party under your TikTok handle while slightly inebriated, talking about the cheap food, the tough festivals or the lame music: ‘dem never even play Eddy Bomba new song about licking down police’. Don’t do ANY of that.

8. Don’t bring work to the party

Now is not the time to work. Nothing annoys co-workers more than the ‘office nerd’ who brings his laptop to the Christmas party and is busy working away during the office bash, or who insists on discussing the job. Of course, for some it’s not avoidable. However, leave the laptop at home if you can.

9. Don’t make a fool of yourself

Don’t make a fool of yourself. We cannot stress this enough. People will always remember what went down at the office Xmas party and getting drunk and dancing on tables will not win you that promotion you’ve been working your butt off to get over the past year. And this is not the perfect opportunity to make your move on that ‘fit’ co-worker you’ve had your eye on for months. Just try to get through this period relatively unscathed. You have been warned!