Dear Editor,

Many people fall short of experiencing personal and professional growth and creative success simply because they rely too heavily on other people’s approval rather than striving for excellence and growth, irrespective of the outcome.

In basic terms, approval is seeking validation from others. Approval is necessary in many contexts, especially when it comes on to hierarchy. One must ensure that the chain of command is respected and the relevant party approves a letter, budget, e-mail, or memo before any release can occur. Understandably, some contexts necessitate obtaining the required authorisation to ensure certain criteria are met.

However, outside of those specific contexts, the quest for validation is creating something in the hopes that it will be approved by someone other than yourself. The obsession with wanting to be validated by others has caused several young people to struggle with individualism. That need for belonging has affected many. They force themselves into spaces just to be seen by others or to be seen in the company of certain types of people. They invest in a certain wardrobe — even if they struggle to afford these new pieces of clothing — just to give off a bougie vibe.

They are so obsessed with what others think about them that they try to accelerate their growth. But there is no true lesson that is learnt during the process. Seeking others’ approval means you are not tapping into your own tank — talents, abilities, and knowledge. Your creativity and potential are stifled because you are focused on pleasing others. This can eventually engender anxiety, self-doubt, and unending questions about self-worth and whether anything you do is good enough.

On the contrary, when one strives for personal and professional excellence, he/she will develop greater self-confidence in their skill set, which will reduce anxiety and stress related to constantly seeking others’ approval and engender a sense of personal satisfaction and accomplishment.

Each individual is unique and brings diverse pearls of treasures to the table. It is important to appreciate your unique qualities and work to improve areas of weaknesses – we all have them. Own your skills and celebrate your wins. Do not be choked by impostorism. You will achieve many things in life. In fact, once you are progressing — whether tangibly or intangibly — you are winning.

But what will you do if no one validates you?

Oneil Madden

maddenoniel@yahoo.com