Frailty,

Thy name is woman.

—Shakespeare

Is that really true though, are women really as frail as that quote above suggests? Well, maybe on the surface it may seem so, as they are physically weaker and tend to swoon and faint at the drop of a hat. At least they used to. But based on what women have to endure in life, I think that it’s quite the opposite.

I made reference to this a while back when I outlined the various stages of a woman’s development and how the female of the species is actually stronger than the male, with the survival ratio of female babies being much higher than their male counterparts.

Well, what I didn’t mention was the physical, mental, and emotional trauma that women go through during their development. In fact, there are women who believe that the life of a woman is considerably more difficult and challenging than that of a man.

“Oonnu man don’t have nothing to bother oonnu, is we women have to suffer.”

The examples and justifications that I got were, “Woman have to suffer through their monthly cycle, childbearing, caring for the baby, raising the child, then to top it off, after all those years of sufferation, menopause.

It does sound kind of daunting for anyone to have to go through, and I doubt it if any man would want to experience all of that, so I decided to explore that phenomenon even further. Of course I’ve written about menopause before, and also its male equivalent andropause — yes, men do go through a change of life too, but we hardly hear much about it.

So today, it’s menses to menopause and what happens along the way. We’ll see what that’s all about, right after these responses to what I had to say about ‘Babyhood, childhood, boyhood, manhood, falsehood’.

Dear Tony,

Some women would have never known unless they were aware or had experienced the nature of the man’s life cycle. I prefer manhood. Now that we fully understand we will know what to look out for, and when to take our cues, make choices which can ultimately determine our fate. Truly enlightening.

Polly

Teerob,

You listed the stages that men go through from babyhood to falsehood, but do men ever really evolve from one stage to the other? As far as I see it, men are always little boys at heart as they constantly compete against each other, always proving their strength, constantly acquiring new toys, and never stop trying to impress the opposite sex, often at their own peril. You are so right, the last stage of falsehood is truly pathetic.

Carol

Now, this may be a sensitive subject that some people may not wish to have ventilated but rather swept under the carpet, not mentioned, never discussed, but it’s extremely important — for both men and women. In fact, there are some old-school doctors who often refuse to discuss the subject with their female patients, instead glossing it over and avoiding the subject. Hard to believe, but it’s true; some old-school doctors find it difficult to even say the name menopause to their patients.

They skirt around it or brush it off as being inconsequential but it is very real, and it affects millions of women around the world — many of whom suffer in silence.

But let’s back up to the first challenge that women say that they have to endure — the menses, or monthly periods that they go through. This signals the onset of puberty, and indicates that she has reached the stage of childbearing. It can occur from as young as nine years old in rare cases, but the average age is 12 to 13 years. This can be traumatic to a young girl, who is still a child really, and if she isn’t guided and educated properly it can affect her negatively.

Some women refer to it as their monthly curse, as they have to endure it for decades. For some it can be painful while for others it may not be so bad, but nevertheless it’s not really a pleasant experience that one looks forward to.

But after it ends you’d think that was the end of the trauma and that women would get some respite, the end of the pain, no more cramps, no more discomfort. But no, nature abhors a vacuum, so as one crosses ends, a brand new one enters — menopause.

Just recently I watched a television feature titled
The Menopause Revolution, hosted by Oprah Winfrey, that focused on menopause and its effect on women. It was most enlightening, and even though the audience was predominantly women there were a few men interspersed among them. Women from all walks of life participated, including movie stars and other famous ladies who frankly and candidly bared their souls with their experiences of menopause. Doctors who were also present filled in the medical data that go with menopause.

It usually affects women after their late 40s to 50s and up, but there are cases of some experiencing menopause or perimenopause from as early as mid- to late 30s.

Some of those ladies explained the trauma that they endured as no one would expect a woman of age 36 to be menopausal. One lady said that the effects were devastating as she never saw it coming, and was actually looking forward to having her first baby.

“Everything went crazy with my body, everything dried up — my eyes, my mouth, my skin and, of course, down there.”

Her husband left her as he couldn’t deal with the trauma, and that’s when I learned that menopause is a leading cause of divorce in the USA. I have no statistics for Jamaica but I’m sure that it contributes to divorce and separation here also.

“Boss, I couldn’t take her misery and mood swings and no sex, so I had to leave.”

Apart from the drying up of everything there are also extreme mood swings, bouts of anger, depression and, of course, loss of libido. Those elements are difficult to deal with, especially if the man has a high sex drive, so he won’t stick around. Oh yes, one sticking point, and pardon the pun, is difficult sex. The loss of sex drive on the part of the menopausal woman is one thing but the pain that occurs during sex is another challenge.

Actress Halle Berry, who was a participant in the television programme, candidly confessed that once after a torrid bout of sex with her partner she experienced the most excruciating pain imaginable. When she went to her doctor for examination he told her that it was the worst case of herpes that he had ever seen in his medical career.

So, naturally, she confronted her partner and said to him, “You gave me herpes.” After testing however, he was negative, and eventually her doctor told her that she didn’t have herpes after all, but it was the effects of menopause that gave her all that pain and discomfort. It can make having sex a brutal experience.

Another lady on the show explained that her doctor refused to even say the word menopause to her, as it was a taboo subject in his world.

“How could he treat me if he couldn’t even say the word? I had to find another doctor who would address it.”

What is menopause though? It’s the natural cessation of menstruation, marking the end of a woman’s reproductive years, typically occurring between the ages of 45 and 55, although it can happen earlier, even in her 30s, as I pointed out. This can bring on hot flashes, nightly sweats, trouble sleeping, joint and muscle discomfort, mood swings, irritability, forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, pain during sex, loss of sex drive.

Wow! That’s a whole heap of crosses for a body to bear. No wonder some women say that they have life harder than men. To counteract some of those symptoms there are devices such as vaginal rings and hormone patches that secrete the hormone estrogen.

That can be awkward though, as one woman on the show pointed out.

“The first time my partner and I decided to get down to business I ran to the bathroom to remove my patch, which was attached to my inner thigh, but it left a noticeable mark on my skin that he promptly noticed.”

Another one said, “How could I explain that ring in my, you know where, to my brand new lover?”

Another woman pointed out that when her monthly periods ended she rejoiced to the heavens, “Thank God that’s over and done with!” Not realising that when one door closes, another one opens, and lets in the dreaded menopause.

Some women also thought that it would only last for a few years then go away, not knowing that mild menopausal symptoms can continue for several years in postmenopause.

“You mean to say that I have to live with this curse for the rest of my life?”

Many women will tell you of the dreaded hot flashes, where they feel this intense heat emanating from their body.

“It’s as if I’m burning up, and even in a cold room I feel as if I’m in an oven.”

Their own personal summer.

I actually saw a video of a woman at an outdoor sporting event who had steam coming off her head, so intense were her hot flashes.

So, from menses to menopause it’s a hard road that women have to travel. That may account for some of them being so miserable, moody, and cranky.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: There is the term called sore loser, and it never sounds good. Usually when a team loses a game and the coach goes on TV and blames the referee and the officials for the loss, it always sounds bad. Even if it’s justified and the “ref” did really tief dem, don’t go public and say it, as it’s not a good look. During the recently concluded Boys’ and Girls’ Champs, the Calabar coach went on TV and said that his school was being targeted, as he put it. I agree that the post-race disqualification of his 100m runner, plus a questionable flag during the 4x400m relay, raised eyebrows but both were reinstated, although the sprinter got a raw deal. But to say that his school was being targeted was childish and irresponsible. The irony is, no other school comes under more scrutiny than KC, and if you check the stats from last Champs you’ll see the large amount of protests lodged against KC, the most of any school, plus disqualifications. Thank God KC won by over 60 points, an overwhelming victory that cannot be questioned.