SOMETHING shifts in a woman when she crosses 40. It’s not just the hormones or the physical changes—it’s the reflection in the mirror that suddenly holds questions we didn’t ask in our 20s or 30s.

As a mother of three boys, who wanted to have a girl child by age 40 — a dream that didn’t happen, I can tell you this: hitting 40 is not a crisis — it’s a clarifier. Things become clearer. What matters and what never did, becomes painfully obvious.

In my work coaching and counselling women I’ve found that most of us have a few common regrets that show up in our 40s. The good news? It’s still possible to course-correct, and create the life you really want.

Here are six of the most common regrets women face after 40, and how you can avoid or recover from them.

1) Not loving herself enough sooner

So many of us spent our younger years putting everyone else first — our children, partners, jobs, even church responsibilities — until we ran dry.

By the time we hit 40, we realise we’ve poured out for everyone else but haven’t poured into ourselves. We regret not setting boundaries, not choosing ourselves, not saying no when we should have, not travelling to see the world, not buying some things we wanted for ourselves.

My sis, it’s not selfish to prioritise yourself — it’s survival. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

2) Staying too long in the wrong relationship

Whether it was a marriage or a situationship, many women regret the years they spent trying to fix what was never meant to last. We tell ourselves, “I stayed for the kids”, or “I didn’t want to start over”.

But deep down, we mourn the version of ourselves we lost while begging someone to love us right. But I also know the power of leaving when staying is killing your peace. You deserve joy — not just endurance.

I’ve talked to so many women who are dealing with this deep regret. Don’t become a statistic.

3) Not pursuing her dreams

By 40, many women realise that while they were busy building others, their dreams sat on the back burner. That business idea, that book, that degree —they kept putting it off for “someday”.

Now “someday” feels closer than ever, and the regret of not starting earlier can hit hard. But here’s the truth: It’s never too late. Your purpose doesn’t expire with age — it gets sharper. Go sign up for that course. Check your bucket list. Live.

4) Caring too much about what people thought

We wasted so much energy trying to look perfect, act right, and please people who still found something to criticise. The regret? Not living authentically.

By 40, we begin to ask, “Why did I give them so much power?” The older you get, the more you realise that peace is better than popularity.

Start choosing yourself, even if it means disappointing others. You were never meant to shrink to fit into their expectations.

5) Neglecting her health

Let’s be real: fried chicken tastes good, but high blood pressure doesn’t. Many women regret ignoring their physical and mental health in their younger years. Skipping check-ups, not exercising, stress eating, and putting self-care last now comes with consequences.

Your 40s are a wake-up call to prioritise your wellness — not just for looks, but for life. Don’t wait until the diagnosis to start caring about your health. Prevention is better than cure.

6) Not releasing toxic friendships sooner

Some friendships needed to end ten years ago. But we held on out of loyalty, history, or guilt. Now, we regret not protecting our peace.

By 40, your circle should bring you strength, not stress. If someone constantly drains you, disrespects you, or competes with you — they’re not your friend.

Letting go doesn’t make you mean. It makes you mature.

If you’re over 40 and feeling any of these regrets, don’t stay stuck. Use them as lessons, not life sentences. You still have time to love yourself deeply, pursue your calling boldly, and protect your peace fiercely. Your next chapter can be your best one — but only if you decide that regret is not where your story ends.

Marie Berbick Bailey

Marie Berbick-Bailey is a certified master life coach, resilience coach, ordained minister, author, motivational speaker, wife, mother and big sister dedicated to empowering women to heal, thrive, and walk in purpose. Connect with her at www.marieberbick.com, www.marieberbickcoach.com . E-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.