IT’S a question that has caused arguments in salons, debates in church, and deep soul-searching late at night when the lights are off, spouses are laying at different ends of the bed and the bills are due: love or money —what really matters more to a woman?

Many of us experience financial struggles in marriage and relationships and I can tell you, this is not a black-and-white question. It’s a deeply personal one. I’ve spoken to countless women —some married, some single, some divorced like I once was, and their answers vary. But one truth remains: every woman wants to feel safe.

Safety comes in different forms. For some, it looks like a man who holds her at night and whispers “I’ve got you”. For others, it’s the steady click of the gate and knowing the mortgage is paid. Ideally, it should be both. But life isn’t always ideal.

So let’s explore the reality behind the love vs money debate, and what today’s woman really needs.

Love without provision often leads to resentment

Let’s start here — yes, love is beautiful. It’s the foundation of intimacy, connection, and long-term companionship. But let’s be honest: love doesn’t pay the bills.

A woman may be head over heels for a man, but if she’s constantly stressed about how rent will be paid or how the children will eat, that love will be tested. Financial instability can kill even the deepest emotional connection.

Ladies, don’t feel guilty for wanting financial security. Wanting a man who can help build a life is not being “money-hungry”, it’s being wise. Besides, the
Bible says as the head of his household, a man should provide for his family.

Money without love is a prison with a view

Now, on the other hand, I’ve seen women trade their hearts for security, choosing a man who provides everything financially but nothing emotionally.

He gives her the house, the car, the vacations, but not his attention, affection, or commitment. She smiles in public but cries behind closed doors. She wears designer labels but feels empty inside.

Trust me, that life gets old fast. A woman may enjoy comfort, but without connection, she slowly withers.

The mature woman wants balance

After coaching women for years, I’ve noticed a trend. Younger women may swing more toward love or money, depending on their season of life. But a mature woman — especially one who has weathered some storms — wants balance.

She wants a partner, not just a provider. She wants stability, not just sparks. She wants love she can feel and a life she can build.

She’s not asking for a millionaire, she’s asking for a man with a plan — one who sees her, values her, and builds with her. That’s the real power couple dynamic.

It’s okay to want both — you deserve that

Here’s the truth I wish more women embraced: you don’t have to choose between love and money. You can — and should —want both. The key is not to idolise either.

Don’t marry only for love and ignore red flags about irresponsibility. And don’t marry only for money and ignore the ache of a lonely heart.

Choose someone who aligns with your values, not just your vibes. Love with wisdom. Build with purpose.

So, love or money? The truth is, neither works well without the other — not in the long run.

As women, we must stop apologising for wanting security and connection. We deserve love that lifts us, and stability that anchors us. It’s not selfish, it’s smart.

In my own life, I’ve learned that the right man brings both love and partnership. He’s not perfect, but he shows up with heart and hustle. That’s what I pray every woman reading this finds — and more.

Marie Berbick-Bailey is a certified master life coach, resilience coach, ordained minister, author, motivational speaker, wife, mother and big sister dedicated to empowering women to heal, thrive, and walk in purpose. Connect with her at www.marieberbick.com, www.marieberbickcoach.com . E-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.

MARIE BERBICK –BAILEY.