The savage murder of young Kelsey Ferrigon and horrible beating of a nurse by a 65-year-old man in a road rage incident have not only outraged the country, but also highlighted the extent to which women are under siege in our society. Of one thing we can be sadly certain: These two incidents are not the last of what seems to be becoming normative in the country.

As research and statistics bear out, women are typically the aggrieved party in these and other forms of violence that are perpetrated against them. Although it happens, it is not often that we hear of men being violently abused by women. There is certainly emotional abuse, but seldomly do we hear any report about these. I suppose we hear of the violent abuse cases because these can be quite obvious and the victim knows he has to make a report for self-protection.

The question has been asked, but certainly not satisfactorily answered: Why is there a blatant lack of respect for the dignity of our girls and womenfolk and what can be done about it? The theory has been advanced that what we are seeing is deeply rooted in plantation slavery, the result of a persistent psychosis in which men were often used as “studs” to populate the “stock” of the plantation. To the extent that this was so, the practice should have come to an end when slavery was formally abolished in 1834. That is almost 200 years ago. But those who believe this theory, and it is compelling in some respects, will argue that the disfigurement of the mind of the black man has led him to objectify women for sexual pleasure. This sexual psychosis, they argue, has become part of the collective unconscious of men in slave societies, as Carl Jung, the celebrated Swiss psychiatrist, would argue.

The theory is not to be dismissed offhand, but I would question its veracity in explaining men’s attitude to women today. It is a way of excusing or even justifying abuse of our women, an easy cop out which does not solve the problem. Another theory that is more credible in my view is that the sexual abuse pandemic that we are seeing is the direct result of the rampant viewing of pornographic material by our men, especially younger men, in the society. There is no doubt that since the coming of the Internet the use of pornographic imagery on the World Wide Web has grown dramatically. It is readily available and readily accessed, and not just by older people, but also younger ones.

It must not be assumed that pornographic videos on the web are watched only by men. Women do watch them, but we do not see the explosion of sexual violence by women against men as we see of men against women. There can be no doubt that addiction to pornography, which is becoming a serious mental disorder issue, has led to men seeing women as mere sexual objects to be exploited for their own pleasure. They do not often view women as having autonomy over their own bodies or view them in a holistic way as people possessing thoughts and emotions which they can express independently of how the man thinks. Thus, there is the tendency to reduce them merely to their physical attributes, defined by the curvature of their buttocks, the presentation of their breasts, or a sordid imagination of what lies between their legs.

Seen in this way, it becomes easy for the man to disregard the dignity of the woman and pour scorn on her personhood as a human being. Of course, they do not see it in quite these terms, but these are the classic foundations on which exploitation of the woman rests. I understand. These are not subjects that we talk easily about. We prefer to talk around them, offer theories to explain them, but often ignore what is staring us in the face. Young Kelsey meant nothing to the brute beast of a man who raped her and dumped her body like a rag doll in a garbage can. One can be sure that the beating of the nurse in the road rage incident would not have occurred if the nurse was a man. But a woman is an easy target. She could easily have been killed in this brutal assault.

The numerous women who have been raped in our society and continue to experience violence by objectification cry out to us. I do not know where we are going to start in helping our menfolk to understand that women are not our property; that they have powers of self-determination; and that in matters of a sexual nature, when they say “no”, it means just that. Even if you are married to the woman, you do not have the right, as I heard one young man say, to have sex with her whenever you feel like, even if she is not up to it. I strongly believe this is rape.

When men cannot get their way with women they demean them emotionally, with a view to crushing their self-esteem. If the woman finds herself in this diminished state, it is much easier for the abuser to bend her to his will. Fake orgasms are often a function of appeasing the abuser than they are an indication of sexual enjoyment by the woman. In dealing with these matters in my family therapy practice, I cannot state the number of times when I wondered how different things would be if the man would just show his partner a little respect. Great lovemaking is a function of respect for the dignity of the other person, not in one seeking to have dominance over the other.

The time has well passed for the society to have a serious conversation about the sexual abuse of our women, however uncomfortable it might be to do so. Legislation against abuse, while necessary, is certainly not sufficient to deal with the subject in a fulsome way. It must involve non-governmental participants, of which the Church and civil society has to play a critical role. Let the conversation begin.

Dr Raulston Nembhard is a priest, social commentator, and author of the books Finding Peace in the Midst of Life’s Storms; Your Self-esteem Guide to a Better Life; and Beyond Petulance: Republican Politics and the Future of America. He hosts a podcast — Mango Tree Dialogues — on his YouTube channel. Send comments to the Jamaica Observer or stead6655@aol.com

One theory is that the sexual abuse pandemic that we are seeing is the direct result of the rampant viewing of pornographic material.

Raulston Nembhard