LET’S talk truth today, ladies. Especially my church sisters. You love the Lord, you’re walking in purpose, and you’re trying to be polite — but that brother from the usher board just won’t take the hint. You don’t want to be rude. After all, you were raised to be kind and “Christ-like”. But deep down, you know this isn’t your Boaz — it’s just Brother Persistent.

If you’ve ever tried to let a man down gently — especially in church — you’ve probably used one (or all) of these classic lines. And gentlemen, if you’re reading this, pay attention. These are the respectful, wrapped-in-holy-language ways a church girl might tell you, “I’m not interested”.

1) “I’m focusing on my relationship with God right now”

Translation: “Sir, please leave me in peace”.

This is the holy grail of all church-girl letdowns. It’s the easiest, safest way to say, “Now is not the time”, without having to say, “You’re not the one”. It sounds spiritual — and sometimes it really is. But let’s be honest: if she was truly interested, your walk with God would be seen as a complement to hers, not a distraction from it.

2) “I don’t feel led”

This is the church-girl version of “It’s not you, it’s me”. When a woman says this, it usually means she’s prayed (or maybe just glanced at your WhatsApp status) and discerned that this connection is not of divine origin.

Church women are taught to look for confirmation. If she says she doesn’t feel led, don’t try to lead her. Respect the fact that she’s trying to follow her spiritual compass — even if it points away from you.

3) “Let’s just be friends in the Lord”

If she drops “in the Lord” after the word friends, just know that’s the final destination. There is no return trip to Maybe Land.

This line means she sees you as a brother in Christ — nothing more, nothing less. You might pray together, serve together, even laugh together, but the romantic door is locked, bolted, and anointed with oil.

4) “I’m still healing”

Now, this one may actually be true. Many church women, especially those who’ve been hurt, divorced, or disappointed, take real time to heal before entering another relationship.

But healing, when used as a polite pass, can also mean: “I don’t want to date, especially not you”. It’s her way of saying, “I’m not emotionally available right now — and even if I were, I don’t see you as the one to change that.”

5) “I’ll pray about it”

Listen, if you asked her out three months ago and she’s still “praying about it”, she’s already received her answer — and it’s No.

This is the soft letdown that buys time and creates distance. It’s the polite pause that allows her to avoid awkwardness. I used to do it too and hoped he would just not ask again. Lol. While there’s nothing wrong with praying about a potential relationship, prolonged silence is a message all on its own.

So, what’s the lesson here?

To my brothers in the faith: sometimes women are simply trying to be gracious. Don’t pressure her for clarity or assume her kindness is flirtation. When a church girl gives you these cues, she’s not being shady — she’s being considerate.

And to my sisters: It’s okay to be honest and kind. You don’t have to wrap rejection in three layers of scripture. A simple, respectful “I’m not interested” is still holy.

As someone who’s been through heartbreak and found love again, I can tell you this: love doesn’t need to be forced, faked, or chased. It flows. It aligns. And when it’s from God, both hearts will recognise it.

Until next time, stay sweet, stay strong, and never apologise for guarding your heart — with grace.

Marie Berbick-Bailey is a certified master life coach, resilience coach, ordained minister, author, motivational speaker, wife, mother and big sister dedicated to empowering women to heal, thrive, and walk in purpose. Connect with her at www.marieberbick.com, www.marieberbickcoach.com, or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.

Marie Berbick-Bailey