Now old desire

Doth in his deathbed lie

And young affection

Gapes to be his heir.

— Shakespeare, Macbeth

We all have desire for different things, but if you all know me by now, you can bet your last dollar that the desire that I’m referring to is in relation to men and women, yes, the sexual kind. Desire is essential for the continuation of the species, for without it, there is no attraction between people.

But it’s not as simple as that, for even the feeling of desire has many facets, many chambers, many rooms in its mansion. It’s complicated, and no one knows why one person will desire another but has no feeling for the next. No one knows why a man will desire a seemingly ugly woman but has no feeling for a beauty queen.

The quote above alludes to old desire on its deathbed. But is this really true, does desire really die, or at least diminish in its fervour and makes way for other feelings?

I used to wonder the same thing when I was much younger, until an old man told me, “Son, even though I am up in years now and not so strong, desire is still in me.” In essence, he explained that even though he was aged and past his prime, he still had strong urges when he saw an attractive woman.

That gave me hope, and I was heartened, for if that man way up in his 80s could still feel desire, then I had much to look forward to. Old age wouldn’t necessarily mean an end to lusty feelings and desire.

But is that a good thing? We’ll find out right after we see what these readers had to say about my views on ‘Comparative analysis’.

Teerob,

Again, another witty and informative piece. Yes, I think those persons who are making a comparison to their exes are never satisfied. Sometimes I wonder if they do it subconsciously or they are in denial. Seriously though, it affects most relationships and it is a matter not to be scoffed at.

POT (Mrs)

Tony,

It’s always dangerous to compare human beings, whether they be your children, friends or colleagues. And yet we do it. But the most destructive of all is to make comparisons in your relationships. Someone is bound to feel slighted, diminished self-esteem and resentful. No man wants to know that he’s second best or doesn’t measure up. No man wants to be reminded of her ex — good or bad. A clean sheet is what men want, but women tend to throw their past in men’s faces.

Teddy

Desire can be a beautiful feeling, and is usually strongest when the relationship is new. Just remember how you felt when you first saw your spouse naked to how you feel 10 years down the line. It’s also very powerful when a man sees a woman who has all the assets and attributes that he finds attractive. It turns him on. He leers, he lusts, he drools, salivates, and his loins bulge at the seams until they reach boiling point. That’s how powerful desire is.

Sometimes it gets so strong that his entire body goes into spasms, he sweats profusely, his hands get clammy and his anxiety level sky-rockets. That’s the downside of too heightened a desire, for those paroxysms of pleasure can lead to performance anxiety, but that’s another story.

For the most part, desire is good, for it affirms to the man that he is normal and his feelings are strong for the woman and there is no doubt that everything is in working order with all systems go. There is chemistry, at least on his part. Hopefully, she will have the same feelings too, but unfortunately, that is not always the case, and unrequited desire can be disastrous. If you think that unrequited love is bad, unrequited desire is much worse, for the man has this burning feeling for the woman and she has none for him.

“Take your hand off me, don’t touch me, I feel nothing for you.”

“Imagine, I have this strong feeling for her and she has none for me. I feel like I’m going crazy.”

Despite that though, just to have that strong feeling for someone else is enough to let some men feel as if they are normal and blessed human beings. Can you just imagine someone who has no desire for anyone else? It’s like having no appetite for food.

“I got close to five different women and I felt nothing, nada, zero, no feeling at all.”

“Something must be wrong with yu, boss.”

That is such a tragedy, for desire is an essential part of our make-up. Of course, too much of anything cannot be good, and men who are possessed with too much desire that’s fulfilled or unfulfilled can have serious problems. Let me explain.

If he has too much desire, he may be controlled so much by it that his entire life is spent in the pursuit of fulfilling it. He jumps from woman to woman trying desperately to satisfy this wanton lust, but may end up feeling empty in his quest.

Of course, there are men who thoroughly enjoy this lifestyle of leering, lusting, huge desire shake-it-to-the-max scenario.

“Man, I have powerful desires and loving every minute of it.”

On the flip side though, for the man who has huge desires but no outlet to satisfy or fulfill them, that can prove to be a problem, for he may end up forcing himself on women who have no such feelings for him. Sexual assault and rape may be a result of unfulfilled desire.

Desire can be a powerful sensation that often overrides good sense, morality, restraint and the laws of the land. Courthouse and prison full up of men who have powerful sexual desire but no viable outlet except to force themselves on vulnerable females.

“How do you plead?”

“Guilty with desire, Your Honour.”

But what about people who are actually in a relationship? What role does desire play there? Well, it plays a huge part, for if from the outset there is no desire, then that relationship is doomed.

If the man is involved in a relationship and has no desire for the woman, then it’s pointless.

“Okay, so we listened to music, went to dinner and dancing, played board games, but not even once has he made any advances towards me.”

“That’s because he has no desire for you.”

Should desire be equal with both partners in the relationship? Or does it work better if the man has a stronger desire for the woman than she for him? Many women are happy when the man has a strong desire, for as one put it, “At least I know that even after all these years, he still desires me.”

Many women cannot say that, for after a few years the man loses all desire for her and they now live like brother and sister. But desire does not really die. It may diminish when it comes to dealing with a long-term partner, but is rekindled and revitalised as soon as fresh stimulant comes along.

So that man may be dead to his longtime woman, but has a raging desire for his mistress, the woman on the side, the other woman, the young university student who hot up his nerves. For her, his desire is as powerful as when he first met his longtime woman, but the new woman is the recipient of that looming, lusting, lascivious, leering desire.

That’s why clandestine affairs are such torrid, tempestuous, sexually saturated trysts. The desire is so powerful that both can’t seem to get enough of each other. And yes, women have desires too, powerful ones, and will do exactly what the men do if they can get away with it. Many women have lost all desire for their husbands, but have burning unquenchable lust for the other man on the side.

That’s why some men specialise in dealing with married women, as they get all of the pleasure, but none of the challenges and responsibility of married life. As my bredrin Ruddy told me years ago, “You call those guys service reps.”

What happens when a man gets older though, does he lose all that desire that he had when he was younger? How does he, at age 80, feel when a young sexy woman saunters into his line of sight and he smells her alluring perfume?

How does he feel when he sees her in that tight hip-hugging dress, or impy skimpy shorts? How does he feel when he sees her ample bosom heaving seductively with each breath?

Does he have the same desires as he used to have in his younger days, do his loins ache, does his heart race, does he mentally undress her with his eyes? Well, based on what the old man told me earlier in my youth, they still do, they still have strong desires, and even though the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, that spirit of desire is still omnipresent, still looms large.

So the next time you see an old man looking at a woman with a twinkle in his eyes and a smile on his face, be cognisant of the fact that his desire has not died.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Well, well, the chickens have come home to roost. What came first, the chicken or the egg? What is true is that Jamaica must be the fried chicken capital of the world, and as one person said, KFC is our national dish. Forget about ackee and salt fish. What happened a few weeks ago when KFC had its 50th anniversary celebrations and offered patrons an incentive was nothing short of spectacular. If you bought a three piece big deal you were given a two piece meal deal as brawta. The crowds that flocked the various KFC outlets were phenomenal, as people lined up from before daybreak just to get that chicken deal. What a people love freeness. I’ve always said, the only thing that would quell an uprising here is if rain fall or free food give whey.

Another thing that we love is the theatre. I recently saw Bloodlies, by Dahlia Harris, which was really great, exploring my kind of topic. More on that next time.