Oft expectations fails,

And most oft there where

There most it promises;

And oft hits where hope is coldest,

And despair most fits.

— Shakespeare

IT has been said that high expectations are the root cause of all disappointment, and it’s often proven to be true. When you expect very little from someone or don’t expect anything at all, you will not be disappointed. But build up your hope too much and expect the world, and see how badly you feel when you don’t get it.

And there must be some element of truth to that too, for it was Shakespeare himself who penned, ‘Expectation is the root of all heartache.’ Anyone who’s been in a relationship and had high expectations, only to not have them realised, often suffers from severe heartache.

“I had such high expectations at the beginning, as he promised me the world, but he really let me down.”

“I thought that she was different, and I really expected so much from her, but she’s just like all the rest.”

It comes from all sides, with women mostly expressing that their expectations were not met. Perhaps that’s why women divorce men more than the other way around. Their expectations were not met, so they move on.

Men though, simple creatures that they are, usually do not have high expectations from women, except the promise of lots of sex.

“Why are you crying boss?”

“She promised me lots of sex and I had such high expectations.”

“Then what happened?”

“We got married.”

“Hush.”

But it’s the women, ah the women, who have such high expectations of men, with the men always falling short and failing to live up to them. Maybe to compound this, those expectations are confusing, confounded, convoluted, contradictory, as we’ll find out right after these responses to what I had to say about ‘Pretty pass’.

Hi Tony,

I never heard the term “Pretty pass” before but had an idea what the image connotes. I agree, looks without substance means nothing, and you’re right about some of the handsome men and outstanding men too. One look I took at Bill Clinton when he was campaigning for the US presidency, I said to my friend, “That man is going to win.” I was just concentrating on his good looks and charisma. Of course, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Paula

Teerob,

Make no excuses and with no apology, beauty will get you in the door everytime. It’s then up to you to keep that foot in, then get your entire body in and make the most of it. Pretty privilege is just a fact of life and a law of nature, and that’s why they do not hold ugly contests.

Gregory

Whenever men make comments about women that smack of truth but are not necessarily complimentary, they’re immediately labelled chauvinists or women bashers. Say that women love money, and it’s met with disapproval, even though it’s proven that women are drawn to men with money. Even the songs say it: Diamonds are a girl’s best friend; I love an old fashioned millionaire; What have you done for me lately; Ain’t nothing going on but the rent; See boops deh, gwaan guh nyam him out; Gold digger; plus countless others.

A man dare not say it, but women have all the right to criticise men until the cows come home — and we all know that’s a regular and favourite pastime of many women. But when a woman speaks out against the contradictory and often unfair criticism and expectations of men, then you have to sit up and take notice.

Well, that’s exactly what I did recently when I saw this podcast from a lady who spoke of the contradictory expectations that many women demand of men. So if you wonder why so many men are confused, confounded, bewildered and bamboozled, be confused no more, for it’s straight out of the horse’s mouth.

The young lady started by saying, “Being a man must be one of the most difficult things in the world, for when I hear some of the contradictory expectations that women have, no wonder men are confused.”

I’m sure that many men can relate to that; and remember, this is coming from a woman, and a very attractive one too. For example, women want the man not to be too sensitive, but how dare he not share his emotions with her? Even though many women say that men are insensitive brutes who have no feelings, if he’s too sensitive she calls him weak.

“Stop acting like a damn woman! Control your emotions.”

“Stop being so sensitive when I criticise you; I’m only speaking the truth.”

So he puts on his coat of armour, his shield of invulnerability, his cape of invincibility, only to be met with, “You’re so cold. How dare you shut me out and not share your feelings with me.”

This is followed up by, “I want you to tell me the truth every time, don’t hold back.” But when the man tells it like it is — the cold, hard truth about herself — he had better prepare himself for a barrage of inter-ballistic missiles.

“Do I nag you?” “Do I criticise you too much?” “Have I gained weight?”

If he speaks the truth and answers those questions in the affirmative, you know that she’ll cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war. He’ll be in the doghouse, and as we say here, ‘Dawg nyam him supper.’ But all men are dogs, remember?

Then the woman says, “I want you to be a good leader, take the initiative, take charge.” But when he does the backlash can be swift and severe, especially from these modern-day women.

“I don’t want you to run my life and tell me what to do, you aren’t my father. I have sense too.”

There was a time in life when men were considered and expected to be the leader in the relationship. Women not only accepted it, but they welcomed it as it gave them a sense of security. The modern-day woman says that she wants it, but when the man exercises this it’s met with a barrage of resistance as it conflicts and collides with her sense of independence and ability to do things of her own volition.

“Listen, I went to school too, mister so I can think for myself and do what I have to do.”

“Certainly I won’t be following you, so you better not try to lead me anywhere.”

Then when the woman asks and expects the man to be strong but still show some degree of vulnerability, that’s when the contradiction hits the fan. The problem is, in her universe, strength and vulnerability cannot exist in the same space.

Throughout history, was Samson strong yet vulnerable, was King David powerful, yet vulnerable, was Attila the Hun strong yet vulnerable, was Genghis Khan? Would women expect those dual traits from those mighty men? Did Atlas, Hercules or Achilles, strong as they were, exhibit vulnerability? And would their women expect it of them?

These conflicting, contradictory expectations can be devastating to a man, for you saw what happened to Samson when he let his hair down, pardon the pun, showed vulnerability, only to have Delilah cut his locks and render him weak. Achilles had one small area of vulnerability, his heel, which eventually led to his demise.

And yet, many women expect both these emotions from men. Then to compound this, if the man shows any modicum of vulnerability he is deemed to be weak.

“I want you to be strong all the time.”

Another huge expectation that women have of men is when they say, “Make sure that you meet all my demands.” Now, that’s a big one, for not only does a man not know what those demands are, it will be an exercise in futility if he tries to fulfil them.

“My God, no matter what I do she’s never satisfied.”

“Why is it that no matter what you do for a woman she’s never satisfied? They don’t want to put you out but they are constantly wanting something from you. Why?”

“Why is my girlfriend not happy? Nothing I do is good enough.”

All those are actual quotes from frustrated, exasperated men.

The expectations are high, the expectations are contradictory. The woman expects the man to be loyal and faithful, but considers him boring and predictable when he is, sometimes finding another man — who is not loyal or faithful to anybody — to light her fire. That’s why many women are drawn to Joe Grine, just for the excitement.

She expects the man to want her all the time, as I’ve pointed out in my piece on ‘Desire’, but considers him oversexed when he does.

“That’s all that’s on your mind. I’m tired from housework, office work, taking care of the children, social commitments — give me a break, I have work tomorrow.”

So when she does accommodate him with some ‘pity sex’ he just can’t bother with the charity and goes to sleep.

As the young lady said in her podcast, it’s really difficult being a man. What I’m happy about is that it’s a woman who pointed out all these things, and not a man, especially me.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Fort Clarence Beach is lovely to visit and enjoy a day of fun, sun, sea and relaxation. Hellshire next door has a bit more vibe and excitement, however, if you want some quiet relaxation Fort Clarence is the place to be. But everything has a price, and in order to enjoy all this there is an entrance fee to assist in the maintenance of the area, which is okay. What is not okay though, is the exorbitant prices for some drinks. Do you know the tiny bottle of rum cream that can fit in your palm and sells for $400 in the supermarket? Well, it sells for $2,800 at Fort Clarence. Imagine my shock and horror when my guest visiting from the US ordered one and I got the bill. The imperial quart of that same rum cream costs under $2,000 in the shop, yet that tiny six ounce bottle sells for $2,800. What is wrong with that picture? Apart from that, Fort Clarence is a great leisure spot.