Why, thou clay-brained guts,

Thou knotty-pated fool,

Thou whoreson, obscene,

Greasy tallow-keech…

— Shakespeare,
Henry IV, Act 2, Scene 4

Those are some mighty powerful words that were uttered to that unfortunate person, who must have withered under the onslaught, words that would make the average person shrink away, recoil with shame or perhaps even burst into tears.

Yes Siree, words can be powerful, and whoever said that word is just wind, or sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me, had never been the recipient of a verbal onslaught from an irate person.

Words can hurt, and words do hurt, and that’s why there’s an old Arab saying that, loosely translated, goes, “Wound me with a sword and that wound will heal, but wound me with words and it lasts forever,” or something to that effect. I must brush up on my Arabic.

But in whatever language, words can be powerful and can inflict great injury to the person who is on the receiving end. This is particularly true and even more damaging when they are uttered by someone who is closest to you who whispers or hurls lethal barbs in your direction.

“Come, whisper sweet nothings in my ear.” Now that’s nice, pleasant, romantic and most welcome, but when the person says, “You three-inch fool,” as was uttered in Shakespeare’s
The Taming Of The Shrew, then it can be devastating. I’ll get back to that three-inch utterance later.

Words will fly fast and furious between couples, but there should be boundaries, rules of engagement, laws that should not be breached, just like the Geneva Convention that’s referred to during wartime. Certain atrocities were not committed, at least they weren’t supposed to. In the same way, certain words should never be said.

‘Never say that’, that’s where we’ll be venturing today, right after these words in response to my views about ‘Trust’.

Good day Tony,

Decades ago I won a trip for two to California wine country. I was not yet married or had a girlfriend at the time. I called a friend of mine and asked him if I could take his wife on the trip. He remarked, “Why not call her.” She and I had an awesome time in Sonoma and Napa which inspired my interest in wines. We are all still good friends, and he was in my bridal party when I got married 24 years ago. Trust still exists… here and there.

Christopher

Teerob,

Written like a true Scorpio, no surprise. People will say that we are paranoid and untrusting. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are led by instinct and experience, others need to follow suit.

Brian

Such contrasting responses to what I wrote about Trust. The first one really blew me away. Imagine calling a friend and asking him if you could take his wife on an overseas trip? Then imagine his response and then her accepting the offer, then imagine her husband allowing her to go? The parameters are endless, but as the writer said, trust exists. But I wonder how many people could have that degree of trust? Would you allow your wife to go on an overseas trip with your best friend? Wow, really mind blowing.

But now on to the question of what you should never say to your spouse if you’re involved in a serious relationship. Of course, if it’s a short-term fling and neither of them cares, then they can say anything and it doesn’t matter. But if you’re seriously involved there are certain words or statements that are lethal, toxic, nuclear deal breakers of which there is no coming back from. The chance of survival is minimal.

Sure, we all know of the words or phrases that should not be said regarding your spouse’s weight, even if she asks, “Honey, do I look fat in these pants?” never ever say, “Yes dear, it makes you look a bit plump.” Although a tad painful, those words are not terminally destructive and the survival rate of the relationship is pretty good.

But when the man says to her, “You’re as fat as a hippo,” then it’s hardly likely that the relationship will survive. Even so, there are more egregious words and statements than those dealing with weight.

You should never say this to your spouse, “You’re just like your father, he was wutless and so are you,” or, “You’re just like your mother, she could never keep a man either.”

Those comparisons to relatives, especially parents, cut to the quick, and can have a devastating effect on relationships. And yet, based on my observation and research, they are bandied about frequently. A very popular one is, “You’re miserable just like your mother,” or your granny, as the case may be. Those words of comparison can be really lethal, such as, “Why can’t you be like Roger, he’s such a nice guy, and drives a nice car too.” The man’s counter is, “I wish you were like Keisha, she knows how to treat a man.” Damaging, devastating, damning words that people should never say to each other.

But you haven’t heard anything yet. Let’s up the ante and really turn it up, take it up a notch with what should not be said. Remember that quote that made reference to three inches? Well, it’s been said that the measure of greatness is not found on a yardstick, but it’s not found in three inches either when it comes to manhood.

Never say this to a man, “You’re so small that I couldn’t feel a thing.” No self-respecting man could ever recover from that, and those words would herald the end of any relationship. There are others of equal devastation, all referring to sexuality, such as, “After 12 years of marriage, you never ever made me have an orgasm.” Or, “You must be gay.”

Well, that’s it, jump out of the bed, leave the room, walk out the door and start a new emotional life, for that relationship is over, dead in the water, there is no coming back from that. There are also equally damning words that men should never say to their women, such as “You’re so big down there I felt like I was in a cave.”

Isn’t it funny and ironic that both of the words and phrases that men and women should not say to each other are in relation to size. She says that he’s too small, and he says that she’s too big, can’t there be some middle ground somewhere, a DMZ, Demilitarized Zone. So despite what the experts say, size does matter or it wouldn’t be a talking point, a weapon to be used in the war of words.

Contemptuous words should never be said, as they shatter even the strongest of relationships.

“You’re so stupid, you’re an idiot, you’re a liar.”

Those words spoken often enough will have a devastating effect on any relationship, often leading to its demise.

“Can’t you do anything right, you’re such a fool.”

Then there are words of ultimatum that should never be said, unless you really mean them and not just idle threats.

“I’m leaving you.”

“I want a divorce.”

“I’m so sorry that I married you.”

Ouch, ouch ouch and double ouch. Those words are like arrows from an archer’s bow, striking and piercing with such lethal force all over the mind, body, and soul.

No relationship can survive that onslaught, as they come so fast and furious resulting in the destruction of what was once vibrant, but now an unmoving cadaver, a casualty of war that once brimmed with life.

Despite all this though, maybe the words that should never be said are those of indifference.

“Oh, I just don’t care anymore.”

“Do what you want to do, it means nothing to me.”

“You can come and go as you please, it doesn’t really matter to me at all.”

Words of indifference usually spell the death of relationships, for they signal that the caring has stopped, the feelings have gone, and the love has died. Words of indifference are used in the eulogy of relationships.

Let’s not forget profanity, or bad word as we call them here. Bad wud. When one partner repeatedly shouts obscenities to the other, or both hurl them like a public stoning, that’s the ultimate disrespect.

“I don’t give a r…s c…t, you can f…. o and kiss my a…. for all I care.”

‘The tongue has no bones, but is strong enough to break a heart, so be careful with your words.’

“Be careful what you say, you can say something hurtful in 10 seconds, but 10 years later, the words are still there.”

But there is an antidote for vitriolic words and that’s silence.

“Words can sting like anything, but silence breaks the heart.” — Phyliss McGinley

“Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal.” — Proverbs 12:18

So think before you speak, for the words you say can only be forgiven, but not forgotten.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: This AI thing is really creating quite a stir not only on social media but in the world in general. Right now you can’t tell what is real and what is not. No longer can we say, seeing is believing, for what we see isn’t necessarily what is true, if you catch my drift. There are videos and images of animals attacking people, animals dancing and all sorts of ridiculous unimaginable stuff. Most are harmless, but there are damaging AI videos of people in compromising positions that are not real. There’s even an app that can remove the clothes off people, making them appear to be nude. The possibilities are endless, and AI is even used in schools and universities both as a learning tool and also to cheat. We are living in a new world of make believe and not knowing what to believe.