Is this the generation of love?

Hot blood, hot thoughts, and hot deeds?

Why, they are vipers,

Is love a generation of vipers?

— Shakespeare,
Troilus and Cressida

HOT blood, hot thoughts, and hot deeds. As the song says, ‘Feeling hot, hot, hot.’ Is this really the generation of love, or is it the generation of sex? After all, many older folks have compared this generation to one of vipers, but come to think of it, every generation throughout history has been compared to vipers because of their rampant sexuality and hot blood, hot thoughts and hot deeds, as the writers say.

That quote from Shakespeare was written many years ago and yet it’s still relevant as far as the criticism of the generation goes. And even though they say that it’s because they love, the question is still hurled around: ‘Is love a euphemism for sex, therefore making those who love a generation of vipers?’ Ah bwoy, they just can’t win, and the reason is, when they say love, they really mean sex, for what is love but sex displayed in various ways?!

No one says, “Let’s make sex.” Oh no, instead they say, “Let’s make love.”

“We made love all night.”

“Come, make love to me.”

How can there be love if there is no sex? And how can there be sex if there is no love? Hmm, that last one is a no-brainer, but I know I have opened a can of worms here, or perhaps even a Pandora’s box, for some may argue that love and sex are mutually exclusive, while others may say that both are inextricably intertwined, bound together like conjoined twins, and there can’t be one without the other.

The question is moot: Can there be love without sex? Can there be sex without love? Can there be no sex and no love? Too much love and no sex? Too much sex but no love? What a conundrum. What a prekeh!

People get married to have sex, or do people love first to get married? Yet people get married and have neither sex nor love in the equation.

But although many people may not love, a lot have sex, for it’s an overriding and overarching component of the human condition. I have explored this before.

What is virgin territory though — and I use the words tongue-in-cheek — is the aspect of sex before, during, and after marriage. That’s where the demons or angels of pleasure reside, and we’ll see what that’s all about right after these comments about ‘Spousal sparring’.

Teerob,

Spousal sparring is truly a sad occurrence, and rightly men, or rather the man in question, should shoulder the blame for his abusive behaviour. Interestingly, no one speaks about the fact that men suffer the most abuse in relationships …psychological, and I would add, financial. Women, on the other hand, suffer the most physical abuse by far. There are so many anecdotal stories about why men should never hit a woman, many of which contain uncomfortable truths. As usual, excellent, insightful article.

Brian

Tony,

People choose to get married but very few enter into marriage with sparring on their minds. As many beleaguered couples always say, “I didn’t sign up for this.” And yet, so many end up in the throes of battle with more bruises than a prize fighter after 12 rounds of sparring. How did they get that way? Who threw the first punch? Was it planned, by chance, or destiny? Whatever the reasons, spousal sparring is an unfortunate tragedy of relationships.

Joan

Okay now ladies and gentlemen, on to your favourite subject and pastime, if you’re lucky, and that’s sex, which has many different phases — before, during and after marriage. And there you were thinking that sex was merely an abstract pastime, one-dimensional, routine. No it’s not. There are phases, and they are all different. Well, at least they’re supposed to be.

Sex before marriage is frowned upon by certain sectors of society and they even have a word for it — fornication, which is often spoken of as if it’s a most egregious crime.

“They were found guilty of fornication; take them away and hang them.”

It’s not far-fetched, for just a few weeks ago a couple in one of those Middle Eastern countries was imprisoned for having sex outside of marriage.

The irony is, that’s the time when it’s most indulged in, practised, burnished to perfection, revelled in with riotous rumblings. It’s the time when people have the most fun, for they are unencumbered by societal strictures, unbounded by rules, and unfettered by whatever moral hypocrisy may be bandied about by the moral minority.

It’s the time of glorious opportunity when couples can indulge in the act, unfettered by vows, but just do it for doing it sake, enjoy it to the max, and relish the pleasures of the flesh that they desire. Not only do they indulge, but they overindulge, and remember what the scribes say: “Overindulgence is its own reward, and virtue its own punishment.”

Before marriage, the pursuit of sex is foremost on the mind, body, and soul of most normal healthy men and women who are blessed with the gift of desire and a lusty libido. It’s paramount in the thoughts of men when they meet women — and don’t you ever believe that it’s not in the thoughts of women also. They’re more discrete though, and don’t let on about their lusty leanings.

Men seek it, desire it, and expect it from women, while women feel the same way, but are programmed by social mores not to be forthright and show those feelings to the man, lest he think her loose and of low moral value. She must be coy, demure, shy, coquettish, even though her loins are burning with desire, feeling hot, hot, hot!

But sex before marriage is rampant, and in these times no one really knows who is pursuing whom, for the hunter often becomes the hunted, and as the old saying goes, “A man chases a woman until she catches him.”

Pre-marital sex may not be on the front burner of the religious righteous, or the pious puritans, but is surely running rampant among the generation of vipers, as the moralists like to call them. Condoms are sold by the thousands, if not millions, as are contraceptive devices and concoctions for the females. Why? Because of sex before marriage.

It’s a time when a young man sows his wild oats, and if he doesn’t ‘bruk his ducks’ by a certain age he is ridiculed by his peers.

“Say what, 17 year old and yu nuh wet yu whistle yet?”

It’s a harsh reality. The females are pressured too, for in many areas, if they don’t get pregnant by age 16 they are compared to certain barren equines.

“Imagine, 16 year old and she nuh breed? She is a mule.”

Sex before marriage is the time of experimentation, the time when memories are made, the time of variety, and sometimes the time of glorious regret.

“I wish that I had done more when I was younger.”

But it’s a time of excitement, and every man will tell you of the thrill he felt when he saw the woman naked for the very first time. Women feel this too, but often get attached to that first man.

Meanwhile, the man seeks that excitement over and over again, tries to replicate it as often as he can. Promiscuity is a drug, an opiate that never satisfies.

“More, more, I need more.”

Then comes sex during marriage, confined to being with one partner for the rest of your life, forever; no longer running around, no longer the king of the hill, but settling down to a life of routine that society and the church ordain.

For some it may be a relief, for they got tired of the meaningless sex with multiple partners, and now they can focus on giving their all to one partner without the anxiety, uncertainty, and stress that often comes with sex before marriage. Not to mention the risk of contracting something unhealthy, if you know what I mean.

“Man, yu pick up tack? Better go to the clinic.”

Usually the peak, the zenith of sex during marriage is the honeymoon phase, for the man can’t get enough of his bride. But that thrill and excitement of seeing the woman naked for the first time now gives way to a more meaningful and sustainable sexual experience.

Some may say that the party’s over, for dealing with one person only for the rest of your life may seem to be humdrum and same old, same old. As Bobby Bland sang, “The thrill is gone, oh the thrill is gone.” That applies to women too, for many wives get tired of the monotony of sex with one partner and, just like many men, crave the excitement and variety of what they once had during sex before marriage. Some cynics have said, “The sure cure for sex is marriage.”

So, they have affairs to relive and replicate the rampant rumblings of what they once had. Wives do it too, often for the same reason, even though they will say it’s not so.

“I felt neglected, I felt disconnected, I felt bored.”

The reality is, she felt horny and wanted to experience the thrill of what used to occur in the era of sex before marriage.

Men complain, women complain, “I got tired and bored with the monotony of sex only on Friday nights.”

“I got bored with him doing the same thing every time. I just endured it.”

Some people may not like to hear all of this but truth is truth and the findings are corroborated by the facts of infidelity. Just recently I saw a newspaper headline right here that screamed, “Pastor shocked by sex club run by his wife in the church.” You can’t make these things up.

People crave to indulge and to overindulge, and even after they are married they still yearn for the past. If this wasn’t so there wouldn’t be so many cases of people having affairs, sneaking around behind each other’s backs — and those who aren’t, secretly wish they could but fear may prohibit them.

As for sex after marriage, after divorce or parting of ways many people just get plain tired and jaded to the point that they can’t bother anymore, or they hit the streets again hoping to rekindle the embers of the smouldering wood that now require more fuel to ignite a spark and grow into a flame. Both scenarios are pathetic, if not laughable.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Well, well, cold has come to Jamaica, and I mean serious cold too as over the past few weeks we have suffered not one, but two cold fronts, back to back. And I mean cold. This is possibly the coldest that I’ve ever felt in Jamaica over a sustained period of time. People up north may laugh at us when compared to what they are feeling, but we nuh use to it. At one point Kingston was 18 degrees Celsius, with Mandeville falling to four degrees. That’s cold, and people who were out in the open with no shelter suffered the most. Now you know what your relatives and friends go through up north in the bitter biting cold of sub-zero temperatures. We must give thanks for our temperate climate.