We must love men

Ere to us,

They will seem worthy,

Of our love.

— Shakespeare

For some strange reason, many people do not think that men need love and affection too. Truth be told, this may be a result of the very behaviour and attitude that many men display regarding those feelings. After all, men are supposed to be these strong beast-like creatures who are bereft of emotions, sensitivity, warmth, and certainly do not have the capacity to exhibit love and affection.

“Love who, love what? No way, I will never show those feelings.”

So it becomes a self-fulfilling wish, for what he puts out he will certainly get back in return. As the words from the song goes, ‘The love you get is equal to the love that you give, so make sure you give as much love as you can.’ So if he gives nothing, he gets back nothing.

But it has been shown and documented that men do need love and affection. It has been established that men do have the capacity to not only show love but also accept love and affection from women other than their mother’s. Even so, there is an ironic twist, for there are some people who actually frown upon and even forbid men to show any form of love and affection from others.

“Don’t be a fool, man, don’t make her know that you love her, don’t show her any affection, for she will walk all over you.”

I do know a man who refuses to even hold his woman’s hand in public. So the man suppresses his feelings, and the sad cycle of a life devoid of love and affection continues to hang over his head, as he walks around bereft of those feelings, never allowing himself to be caught up in those emotions that he thinks will expose his vulnerability.

“What fools these mortals be.”

Vulnerability is crucial, for a man can never expose his underbelly, he must learn never to show his weakness, let anyone know that he has an Achilles heel, a tender spot, a chink in his armour that women may exploit. So he puts on his cloak of invincibility, envelops himself in a shroud of invulnerability that no one can penetrate, for he is man, and he is impregnable,

Despite all this, deep down, men do need love and affection too, as we’ll find out right after these comments regarding what I had to say about ‘Never say that’.

Tony,

Never say that indeed. Some women drive their husbands to murder because they said something disparaging about his mother, his children or his manhood, and also blame him for any tragedy or ill that befell the family. When you reach the point where you say things just to hurt the other person, then it’s time to call it a day. Very timely and prolific article, brother. Good work.

Pardy

Teerob,

People have a knack of saying the most hurtful things to each other and then expect life to go on as if nothing occurred. How does a man recover from being told that he can’t satisfy his woman? How does a woman continue to love a man after he ridicules her appearance? Words are like arrows— sharp and deadly — and after being shot, can never be retrieved. They create wounds that never heal.

Simone

There are men who refuse to show any form of love and affection for fear of being considered weak. They will never kiss their woman, give her a hug, or even hold her hand, for it’s just not done and is only reserved for weak men.

That’s a pity, for deep down there are men who crave not only love, but affection too. Of course, men like to have sex, and lots of it, but they also want affection. Beneath that crusty armour of invincibility is often a sensitive manchild who just simply longs for a a hug, a cuddle, a feel, a touch, and words of reassurance.

Those are things that his mother used to give him, but now that she’s gone, he has no one to get it from. Sometimes his feelings and actions are misunderstood, misread, and every time that he approaches his woman for a little bout of affection, her response is, “Is sex yu want, eh?”

No, no no no no, all he wants is a cuddle. A cuddle? Big man nuh want cuddle, big man want sex. It has been documented that there are men who will spend time with prostitutes, not for sex, but just to hug and talk. In fact, just a few weeks ago there was a story in the papers here that highlighted this.

“Sex workers reveal most shocking requests from men.” One such worker said, “Some a de man dem have married problems and just want to siddung and chat wid me.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll pay you for your time, just let me stay here and you hug me.”

Sounds strange and even bizarre, but it does happen. To take it even further, a man is not allowed to display any form of love and affection towards another man, for if he does, he’s immediately deemed to be gay.

“Man can’t tell man seh dem love dem, man can’t hug man, a b…y man bizness dat.”

That’s so far from the truth, but men dare not display those feelings, for they will be labelled gay and run out of town. Instead, men fist or elbow bump and say, “Nuff love, man.” But they are not encouraged to hug and show affection for another man, for that is taboo, except, of course, when sports is involved, for sports is the great exception to the rule, the release, the catharsis that allows big, strong, muscular men to embrace each other with an abandon that rivals that of a mother cuddling her child, and show the affection of a cat and her kittens.

Not only do they do so, but they display it in public too in full view of millions of people, as they run and leap into each other’s arms, hug and kiss, embrace and caress and even jump on top of each other after a goal is scored in a football match.

This display of love and affection transcends all taboo, dispels all myths about being gay, and shows men at their most sensitive, as they display true love towards each other. That’s the only time that men are allowed to exhibit love and affection towards each other, during those 90 minutes of a football game. As soon as the whistle is blown and the match ends, so does the display of love and affection towards each other.

Why is this so, when did this all start, and why are women allowed to show love towards each other but men cannot? Is it born out of fear, then driven by a deep trepidation that if two boys hug each other and hold hands, or even kiss on the cheek that they will become homosexual?

In many countries, big, strong men hug and kiss each other on the cheek when they greet each other or when saying goodbye. This occurs in many European and Middle Eastern countries, and those men are not considered gay for displaying affection towards each other.

I can’t see that happening in Jamaica.

“Say wha, hug and kiss man? Bun dat!”

“But nuh you same one hug and kiss yu bredrin after him score de goal last week?”

Do women want men to show them more love and affection?

“Hell yes, I would love it if my man would just hug and cuddle me sometimes without wanting sex.”

And conversely, are there men who just want a hug and kiss from their women, a tender show of affection? It’s a secret desire of many men, although there are men who are resistant to that.

“I’m just not wired for that huggy lovey dovey bizness, just straight sex I want.”

Maybe if they tried real hard they might be able to break the constricting chains and show more love and affection and less machismo. The danger is, though, there are women who actually dislike this, as they are conditioned to dealing with men only on a sexual level.

Therein lies the dilemma of many men, and that’s why so many of them are confused. But be confused no more, shake off the shackles of restricting morality, hug and kiss your woman, tell your bredrin that you love him, even with a fist bump and hug, for men need love and affection too.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: We Jamaicans are social people and love to entertain, especially folks from foreign. Well, we had the great pleasure of having as house guests, Seishihan Roger Thyer-Jones, who was branch chief of Seido Karate UK, and his wife Michelle. They had a wonderful time as I got the opportunity to show off our beautiful country and people to them. After their few days on the north coast where they gushed that the service and food at Couples Hotel were exceptional, it was on to Hellshire beach, Port Royal, and Castleton Gardens. I must say that I enjoyed the experience as much as they did, and they had nothing but great things to say about Jamaica. They had lived here for three years when they were posted at the British High Commission decades ago, so this trip was a trek down memory lane for them. Tears flowed when they left, so much is their love for Jamaica. Our country is so special and I’m so happy to show it off. One love.