There is some soul of goodness

In things evil,

Would men observingly distil it out.

— Shakespeare, Henry V

Oh what a difficult task people have in distilling goodness out of the evil that roams the land in all forms — male or female. A few weeks ago I explored the yearning of women seeking, looking for, and eventually finding a good man. It seems to be their quest in life, even while most men don’t mind playing around with a few bad women for a while, until they decide to settle down with a really good woman.

Ah, how lovely that sounds — a really good woman. Isn’t that what every man desires, dreams of, wants to call his own? Ultimately, yes, but as actress Mae West always said, “Honey, when I’m good I’m good, but when I’m bad I’m even better.” Bad women have their place: They satisfy the desires of many young men, grown men, and old timers, and as one man told me, “If it wasn’t for bad women I wouldn’t have any woman at all.”

But one man’s bad woman is another man’s really good woman, for unlike men, women are adaptable, they change to suit the circumstances, the environment, the occasion, the man. You know how many men have settled down with ‘really good women’ not knowing of their really bad past? But if you knew how many men I know who have settled down with women who have a past as long and colourful as the first five chapters of
The Kama Sutra, you would shudder. But we are not here to judge, rather to explore the attributes of a really good woman.

A friend of mine declared that he was giving up his mistresses and settling down with his wife alone, as he had ‘discovered’ that she is a really good woman and didn’t deserve his wild,philandering ways.

“But what about your mistresses, are they aware of your grand plan?” I asked him.

“Well, I haven’t really told them as yet and still visit them, but I’ll gradually phase them out as time goes on,” he replied.

Well, bully for him. After 20 years of marriage he has decided to hang up his boots and devote his time to his really good wife, who has been so understanding all these years.

Understanding, that’s a key prerequisite of a good woman. She must be understanding to her man, she must realise that basically all men have a wandering eye now and then, and if it’s not now, it will be then that his eyes wander. After the eyes, the head, nose, mouth, hands, feet and other major and minor organs will follow. Some men may not physically act on it — not because they don’t want to, for every man would if he could — but sometimes circumstances and fear may stop him in his tracks. Many men miss the old game, and as one guy told me, “Oh, how I miss the days of rampant promiscuity, but this damn AIDS thing just mash up we fun.”

Fear keeps many men monogamous. An understanding woman will realise and appreciate this, and not get into a lather if her man exhibits a little wanderlust now and again. After all, hombre es hombre, man is man.

A really good woman supports her man, encourages him in his ambitions and dreams, plus shares in his endeavours. You know how they say that behind every successful man is a string of women running him down? Well that too, but the saying really is, ‘Behind every successful man is a good woman.’ It’s true in many cases. So often we have heard these men thanking their women for sticking by them, supporting them, and believing in their dreams. I know of so many women who have stood by their men in the lean years until they finally made it. The fact that these men now have young girls on the side is neither here nor there, just an occupational hazard that she’ll have to accept if she’s a really good woman.

She’ll be understanding. There goes that word again. Hey listen, it’s silly for a woman to leave a man for cheating only, especially if she’s up in age. Leave for other reasons, but not that. What’s she going to do? Leave him then pick up another man who won’t cheat? Yeah right. After all those years under her belt her choices may not be what they used to. So, a really good woman will be intelligent, know the rules of the game, make her own rules too, smile and get even.

A good woman does not tax her man too much. My word, our minister of finance could get some tips from some women regarding how they tax some men! They dig, they gouge, they scrounge, they demand, they expect, they want, they desire, they insist. Even when things are tight and money nah run, they still expect to be living the high life. This drives so many men to do things that they would not normally do, just to meet her demands and expectations. A really good woman will live within her means, and if her man can’t afford lobster, then a trip to Mother’s, KFC, or Wendy’s should suffice. The irony is, the less demanding a woman is, the more she’ll get out of her man.

But when she expects the world, even in lean times, all she does is build up resentment in her man.

“Imagine, she see seh things nah gwaan and she still want to go out and spend dollars every night.”

A really good woman will be considerate, and if she has it, she can pick up the tab sometimes. It was just a few weeks ago that I saw this article dealing with that same subject, how women expect to be treated every single time, even though they are working in good jobs and earning as much, if not more than the man. I’m glad that I didn’t write it, but it held my rapt attention. A really good woman will say now and then, “Come honey, my treat this time.”

So many women live in the shadow of their men and take the coy, demure attitude to ridiculous lengths. Sometimes you go out and all discussions are dominated by men, with the women just sitting there, smiling, and looking like porcelain dolls. Well, a really good woman will join in the discussion, give her opinion, add her two cents worth, share her views, and let it be known that she has sense too.

Maybe some weak, stupid men with low self-esteem may not want their women to be heard, but a really good woman should not be with such a man. Gone are the days when women were just meant to be trophy wives, look pretty, good to adorn their men at social functions, but not participate. Of course it’s a delicate balance, for she can’t be too dominant and show him up either, as he’ll feel inadequate. A good woman knows that even if she’s brighter than her man, she must be smart enough not to show it.

A good woman takes the love initiative at times. She doesn’t always wait for the man to make the move, for him to initiate the romp in the hay, as she can turn on the thrills sometimes, let him feel like he too is desirable and that she’s not just doing it because he wants it. Hey, men like to feel good about themselves too! A good woman will keep the chemistry going, make sure that she tries to look as good as when she first met him.

None of this greeting him at the door with hair curlers in, or gaining 40 pounds two years down the road. I know it’s a sore point with the ladies but many have maintained their looks, poise, grace over the years, so it can be done… with a little effort. Don’t let yourself go, unless you’re willing to let the man go.

Hey, it’s hard being a good woman. You have to be all things to one man — his woman, his partner, his confidant, his friend, his mother, his nurse, his conscience, his teacher, his student, his sex toy. But if you can achieve this and more then you are truly a good woman and the world of men will beat a path to your door.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Most women are practical and pragmatic about relationships. Many men will marry because the woman looks good, sexy, beautiful, alluring, desirable. But women think practical. “Does he have a good job? Can he support me? Is he responsible?” A twice-divorced lady friend of mine told me that she would never marry for love again.

Well, I had a little scare last week when my appendix ruptured and messed up my insides but, thanks to the excellent care of the doctors and nurses at Medical Associates Hospital, Dr Cherian, and my beautiful wife who’s also a trained nurse, the surgery was successful and I’m on the mend. I’ll fill you in at another time.