What a piece of work is man!

How noble in reason,

How infinite in faculty, in form and moving,

How express and admirable…

And yet to me what is the quintessence of dust?

— Shakespeare, Hamlet

Man, what a piece of work indeed; loved, hated, reviled, cursed, despised, wanted, sought after, chased away, yet chased after by women. It’s all so confusing, as men are called names, ranging from darling to dog, Chupsie to Boogie. Women seem to be so confused when it comes to men that either they don’t know what they want, or don’t want it when they have it.

A few weeks ago I wrote about ‘Good Women’ and I was surprised at some of the comments that I got, especially from overseas women who took offence. Ah, bwoy.

We often see many attractive women out at functions, either by themselves, or in a collective herd. Whatever, there they were, all dressed up with no man beside them. It is a common scenario and, while I would not dare to ask them about their plight on that occasion, I have spoken to them at different times about their man-less existence. For some it was by fate, for others it was by choice. Usually the responses are the same, “I just can’t find a good man. I want a good man, why can’t a good man come into my life?”

One lady who was divorced twice even told me that she wants to get married again, and that if the third one failed she’d go at it a fourth time.

“You see, I’m not one of those women who can live alone. I have my needs and I need a man to fulfil them, so I won’t stop looking until I find a good man.”

A good man, there goes that term again. But what makes a good man? What sets him apart from other men? What makes him different? We’ll find out more right after these responses to my take on ‘Swag and Bling’.

Teerob,

It boggles the mind to see what some people wear on their bodies when they go out in public. Even at weddings and funerals there is no escape as that’s where to real bling is displayed. Eyelashes as big as coconut boughs, gold chains that could anchor ships and clothes that defy gravity. I am amazed, truly amazed.

Maxine

Tony,

Swag and bling are expressions of the people’s creativity. You might not like it, but we have to allow free expression of those who choose to wear it. It’s a cultural expression and is not boring at all.

Teddy

Well, good men are rarely born, but are made. A young man growing up has to be moulded the right way, steered in the right direction if he is to become a good young man. There are a few parents who recognise this and pass on these values to their sons. The mothers make sure that the boys are able to cook, sew on buttons if needs be, wash and iron, and generally take care of themselves. As one old-time mother told me, “I made sure that he could do all those things, so that he’d not be at the mercy of any woman.”

Can you imagine the fiasco if a man marries a woman who is as helpless as a flounder on dry land? There they are, both of them in the house and neither of them can do a damn thing to help themselves, not even water they can boil, but have to depend on helper or fast food for every single thing that passes through their mouth. It starts with simple chores, that eventually leads to independence, which then leads to self-confidence.

A good man has manners, and that too has to be learned and cultivated from an early age. Over the last season I chatted with a lot of people, and I heard stories of young men coming to pick up my friend’s daughters that were simply horrifying. One parent told me how this young man drove up to his gate to attend his daughter’s sweet 16 party. The lad was dressed in a wash rag-type of T-shirt, torn rolled-up jeans, uncombed hair, and more rings through every part of his body than a circus freak.

“Yow, yow, Dads, a Lisa party this? A ya so me and my crew a buss!” Now, that must be every parent’s nightmare, and is certainly not the good man that most women are always seeking. But he wasn’t born that way, so the twig is bent it grows, they say.

A good man respects his woman. I always find it strange how American black males have this habit of calling their women bitches and ho’s. Our men don’t use those said terms, but the lyrics of some of the songs are oft worse. This lack of respect towards women makes you wonder if those guys were spawned in a test tube. But, then again, you’ll say that some women respond to it and even call for it. No matter, it should not be done, and perhaps if more parents stressed the need to respect women from an early age, then the cycle would stop.

At times this lack of respect stems from the man’s own low self-esteem. So, to big up himself, he tears down women. A good man? I think not.

A good man has etiquette. Now I know that many nowadays youth have no idea what I’m talking about, but good etiquette goes such a far way and is so sought after by women. All the ladies who I’ve spoken to have expressed that it’s so refreshing when a man takes them out and displays good etiquette. He opens the car door, holds the door open for her when entering a building, pulls out her chair, offers her food and drink, generally makes her feel comfortable and secure.

Some may not know the term, but know when a man shows it to them: “Him treat me right, mek me feel good, me check fi him.” And that’s another thing, a good man takes out his lady, and it doesn’t have to be anywhere fancy either, but most women love to dress up and go out once in a while. That’s why movies are still so popular, even though we have cable and Internet. Women still love to dress up, and a good man recognises this. And I don’t mean taking out a new woman just to impress her either, but taking out your long-time woman. That’s the mark of a good man.

A good man has eyes only for his woman. Okay, let’s get realistic and rephrase that: A good man has eyes only for his woman when he’s around her. She must feel special. As long as he’s with her, she must be the one. Which leads naturally into the next prerequisite of a good man. A good man must deal with only his woman and nobody else. Now I know that’s a tall order for some men, but it’s what women want in a good man.

“I want my man to only be with me alone, I don’t want to share him with any other woman,” so many ladies have told me. Others qualified it by saying, “As long as him don’t dash it in my face and disrespect me and have woman calling me and tracing me off, I won’t mind, although I would rather he didn’t, but man is man I suppose.”

Women are forever seeking a good man, this elusive being that somehow keeps slipping from their grasp. Some women meet good men who eventually turn out to be dogs, while others just can’t seem to meet even a hint of a good man. Others caught the good man but couldn’t hold on to him, as their jealousy and insecurity drove him away. Still, there are others who will never stop looking for the good man, the man who will fulfil all their needs, their desires, their wants, their obligations.

“I won’t settle for any and anybody, I want a good man for myself… Why can’t I find a good man, either they’re married, gay, too young, too old, worthless, thieves, liars or unemployed.”

I think it was Greek philosopher Diogenes who trod the Earth in vain looking for even one honest man. He never found him. Is that the fate of these women who are seeking a good man? More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Well, we have crashed out of the World Cup in a most embarrassing and humiliating way. The dust has now settled and many people have given their opinion. The situation cannot be blamed on one game, but on a series of ridiculous and bizarre decisions made by the powers that be.

Coaches came and went, German, English, Jamaican, all were clueless. They kept on chopping and changing up the team, bringing in second-rate players from England, never playing the same team twice that it became a guessing game as to who would play. The results we saw, no system no pattern. Then they sidelined the most exciting young footballer we’ve had for decades, “Whisper” Richards, baffling every Jamaican. Then they go on TV and chat rubbish. I have been saying this for months and knew the outcome, and that’s why I didn’t even watch the game. It’s a farce, a comedy of errors, but no one is laughing. We got our best chance of qualifying and blew it. Jamaica will never qualify for the World Cup again.