How to be a’kept’ woman and still have your own way everyday

A ‘kept’ woman is not necessarily the ‘other woman’, she is sometimes married, but ‘kept’ by her husband who is usually quite wealthy. Writer Abigail Bosanko tells how she was ‘kept’ by her husband, an investment fund manager, in an elegant Edinburgh mews house. Here is a guide to becoming a ‘kept’ woman.

Know what you want

Before you even contemplate being a kept woman, know what kind of man you want.

If you want an art historian or collector, don’t settle for a picture framer, even if he has a string of shops.

Be confident – an intriguing 21st century woman with her own independent pursuits and talents. You want this man to fall in love with your beautiful mind.

Have a skill

Choose an unusual skill – this is intriguing and sexy. Play polo, or golf (not football – men see women who like football as spies in the camp); have an intimate knowledge of 18th and 19th century courtesans; play an instrument; learn about wine or speak an unusual language. Knowledge of food is always sensual.

Spend time on yourself

This is something puritans disapprove of, but spending time on yourself – doing your nails, having a massage or a facial, or even just wearing your favourite perfume – is all good for your self-image and self esteem.

Underwear

Lingerie is psychologically revealing. If a woman is in a happy relationship she has all sorts of fabulous lingerie, but when she’s unhappy she’s got her long cotton jammies on because she’s not particularly interested in sharing that part of herself.

Even if you feel down and out, wear something silky that makes you feel good.

Clothes

Nurture your curves and there’s nothing wrong with a size 14. Think Forties Domestic Goddess. Wear elegant, simple, well-cut clothes, such as shawl-collared suits which hug your curves, in neutral tones. And don’t forget your heels.

Where to meet

The first-class lounge at the airport is perfect. Save up all your air miles and buy a club class seat to somewhere such as Paris or New York.

Hope for a delay, then you will all get to know each other playing Scrabble, with endless free drinks. Fine art, furniture and jewellery auctions at the top auction houses are also perfect.

What kind of man?

Obviously he’s got to be wealthy, but he’s also got to be discreet. Showy wealth is a definite no-no.

Lots of gold jewellery shows someone who needs to be in a credit card club to feel financially confident. All a man needs is a beautiful watch, or a signet ring with the family crest.

Find out where he has been on holiday. There are two types: if he has been scuba diving in the Maldives or white-water rafting in the Amazon, this shows he has money and a sense of adventure. Alternatively, cushy stays in sumptuous hotels are perfect. If he hasn’t had time for a holiday, he’s too busy to appreciate you.

His personality

He should have an active hobby – one that shows stamina, which is vital. He should be generous, of course, and protective of you.

He should be well-read and informed, reading at least one newspaper in addition to the FT. Books could be things such as Martin Amis’s Experience, or JM Coetzee’s Waiting For The Barbarians.

Dropping hints

In our modern world where women are career- queens, men find this concept odd.

One male friend of Abigail asked: ‘Why would an intellectual woman want to be bank-rolled?’ But when it was explained that it would allow her to follow her vocation, the concept became quite appealing. Start by saying that you would love to be able to pursue your passion as a rare book restorer/ cartoonist/script writer, but can’t afford to. He’ll be impressed and will offer to pay.

How do you know

he will keep you?

The first sign is when he offers to pay off your overdraft, then credit card bills, then suggests you don’t go in to work but spend time with him. While he’s at a business lunch, he would love it if you went shopping – he will pick up the tab, of course.

When it comes to this sort of arrangement, you have got to be honest, clever and sophisticated.

Terms

Be bold, be daring, be honest. You need a joint bank account – you set the limit – plus your own personal savings account.

He can buy you a chic mews house, a penthouse flat – or, of course, you can move into his mansion. Ask for accounts at your favourite shops. You also need treats such as manicures, pedicures, chocolates and flowers. Exotic holidays and weekend breaks are essential.

Sex

This is sensual, loving, tantalising sex, not you fulfilling his fantasy – not unless the fantasy is mutual.

When it comes to sex, remember, curiosity comes first. With all the money you now have access to, you can change the venue as often as you like. Instead of going home, book into a five-star hotel. It will never get boring.

Gifts

You should ask for gifts that are original: ‘A friend received an embroidered silk cheongsam (Mandarin gown) from her lover who was travelling in China.’

Expect a single, beautiful pearl, elegant jewellery,etc

Holidays

At least four times a year, not counting short breaks. Abigail’s husband often takes her to a romantic hotel near the Sorbonne in Paris.

Think skiing in Aspen, scuba diving on the Barrier Reef, a trip to the Galapagos or Madagascar, sunbathing in St Lucia.

He might have his own private yacht, so cruise the Caribbean or the islands in the Mediterranean.

What to do with your time

Write that novel that’s said to lurk inside us all – Abigail wrote hers; finish your art history degree.

Get to know the best restaurants and cafes so you can lunch at length with your friends. Afternoons- should be reserved for shopping or pampering, and evenings with him.

What to do with

your (his) money

It goes without saying that you will revamp your wardrobe. Keep champagne, caviar, organic bread, bacon and quails’ eggs in your fridge.

A bit of philanthropy is essential, too, so set up covenants to your favourite charities and feel charitable towards bone fide beggars – give more to buskers and pavement artists, because they are at least trying.

Send your family on their dream holiday, and treat your man to a surprise trip on Concorde or the best seats at a major international sporting event.

What to say to critics

Always keep a bottle of champagne in the fridge for your disapproving female friends. They will be extremely envious, so kill them with kindness.

Never apologise about your chosen lifestyle. Don’t brag about it either – it’s not dignified.

Ending it

You can insist on an expiry date – a year and a day maybe – but you decide when. Do not return your gifts.

When it ends, put all your overflow cash into an oversees bank account and go on holiday for a month. Go somewhere romantic and beautiful, and take time to think.

You never know, he might follow you there and beg to keep you in a permanent arrangement.

-Adapted from Lazy Ways To Make A Living by Abigail Bosanko, Time Warner Boos