Straightforward Solutions For (Most Of) Life’s Troubles
Dear RB,
My relationship has ended for about two years now. I’ve done a lot to get over it and as such have made some changes in my life. I took some time alone and did some introspection.
During this period, I started exercising vigorously, which did a whole lot for my spirits and looks. I started dating as well all of which did not go well. I am presently living in a foreign country, not as an attempt to run away, but because I am studying. Despite all this, I just can’t seem to lose that feeling- a feeling of the deepest attachment; the fond memories and the pain. My ex has recently made attempts to contact me.
I have been very nonchalant about his advances, even though in my heart that’s not the reaction I want to give, but it’s almost as if my reaction is involuntary. I know I need to bring my self past this hurdle, I also know how to; but I feel like I cant. I’m very scared of him and of anybody else for that matter.
CW
Dear CW,
If after all this time and the fact that you are still very lonely, you are afraid of men, then you need help with this. You should try talking to a counselor to try to understand what is making you this afraid.
It is obvious that you are not ready for a new relationship, as you are still carrying around pain from your last. Though you feel that you know what to do to get over this hurdle, you really do not. Give yourself a chance to work through this before getting involved with anyone else for now.
Dear RB,
A while back a co-worker in a time of distress borrowed some money from me. Since then, all manner of misfortune has befallen her – her husband was going into the hospital (which is why she borrowed the cash), then her daughter fell ill, now her kitchen caught fire and she lost a lot of household items. She’s explained all this to me, but now I need the money. Is it really insensitive to ask her to repay me at this time?
Dear Creditor,
I hate to tell you this, but it will be quite insensitive of you to ask your friend for the money now. Indeed you know this, I do not need to tell you this! But I am really sorry for you. Maybe you can ask your bank for an overdraft until you get paid later this month.
And let this be a lesson to you. If someone asks you to borrow a relatively small sum of money to deal with a problem, and you agree to help, you must agree to treat the money as a gift. A person in financial trouble who needs to borrow a small sum is not going to be able to repay it anytime soon. Trouble is like that. I hope that this does not put you out too much and that you can survive without this repayment.
Dear RB,
What do you do when a friend gives you a Christmas present that they think is a really big deal (she keeps saying ‘oh! this is soooo you!) but that you don’t like at all? Am I obligated to wear it even once in front of her so that she knows I appreciate the thought, or can I just stash it after I’ve sent the thank-you card?
Dear Recipient of Bad Gift,
‘Tis the season for this! Hell no! If you don’t like it, do not be seen dead in it. A thank you card is very much in order. And be effusive. She will think that she made the right choice. If you run into her, simply make a big deal about just wearing the wretched thing yesterday! Good luck!
Need no-frills advice about relationships, sex or just about anything else? Send questions to RB Samuels c/o All Woman, 42 Beechwood Ave, Kgn 5; via email to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com; fax to 968-2025, or call 511-2502 to leave a 30-second voicemail message. We regret we cannot supply personal responses.
