My sister is irresponsible
Dear RB,
When it comes to money, my sister is the most irresponsible person I know – she doesn’t budget, she spends too much, and is always short of money. Our girls all go to the same school and do the same activities, and I find that too many times I have to pitch in to save her daughter from hunger or embarrassment. Sometimes the teachers send to me to ask for money, and on several occasions the child has been prevented from participating in activities because of her mother’s negligence. When I talk to her about these things or ask her to pay me back, she tells me she never asked me to spend my money. Now while she does have a point, I find it hard to stand back and watch what her flightiness is doing to the child, also because my children see it too and ask me things like ‘why doesn’t aunty care’, and it isn’t right. How can I get her to understand that her actions are affecting all our children, and that she needs to do better?
Dear Sister,
You have a real problem. In many ways, your sister is right, you know. It is not your job to bail her out. She is entitled to expect to live with the consequences of her actions, no matter how difficult they are. The truth is that your sister may be overextended or rebelling. These are two quite different problems that have similar consequences.
Maybe you should start off by asking her to seek counselling from a financial person. Then you need to back off for a while and let her and her child deal with the consequences of her actions. This may also be a good lesson for your children, as you might use the opportunity to point out the virtue of managing money carefully.
God-daughter may be anorexic
Dear RB,
I think my teenage god-daughter is anorexic, because I’ve been watching her lose weight consistently for months, and now she’s just skin and bones. Her mother has no control over her, she won’t listen or obey, she just locks herself away in her room when she’s home. I think there’s a problem, but is it my place to say something? And then what? And to whom?
Dear Godmother,
You must say something maam, and now. This child needs to be taken to see a doctor, ASAP. Maybe you could offer to do this task as the mother is at present having teenage daughter difficulties. This is the time to be the GODMOTHER. You have responsibilities to both of these people.
Plan to call the child and have a talk with her. But before doing so, get help from a psychiatrist or GP as to good approaches. Express your concerns to the teenager, and offer to talk to her. If she is responsive, see if you get a chance to mention going to see a physician. If this child is anorexic, she is in deep trouble and needs help. If she is not, then this weight loss needs to be investigated. The sooner the better.
Need no-frills advice about relationships, sex or just about anything else? Send questions to RB Samuels c/o all woman, 42 Beechwood Ave. Kgn 5; via email to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com or fax 968-2025.
