The basic principles for landing the right missus

Javier is a 20-something-year-old bachelor, an expert in the nature of the modern man. Week by week, he will clue you in on what men really want – and what really goes on in those heads of theirs.

Last week I read a letter to my neighbour columnist and advice guru RB entitled “I’m not handsome enough” and when I finished reading it I almost wanted to go jump off a building out of empathy for the guy who wrote the letter, almost.

In the letter the guy was saying that he had a girlfriend who he allows to take advantage of him. He, the ‘boyfriend’, sits idly by while other men call the house for her, take her out and who knows what else, (actually, I know what else).

And the ‘boyfriend’ can’t understand why she’s doing all this because he gives her everything she wants, and get this, he gives her his pay cheques and waits around for her to give him pocket money. Rahtid man, I feel like losing my lunch for having to write that. Anyway, the ‘boyfriend’ wants to leave her but he can’t because “I’m not handsome enough to get other women,” he writes.

This letter sounds like the ramblings of a man who believes he landed his ‘girlfriend’ by accident, and now has to do everything in his power to keep her happy before she realises who she’s really with, and that’s sad.

With this letter in mind, I’ve decided to go through some of my basic principles for getting involved with the right kind of woman. After this article I hope I never hear of any other situations like Mr ‘Not Handsome Enough’ ever again, and I can get a peaceful night’s rest.

Principle # 1

This one I like to call the “So Fresh and So Clean” principle. Basically, make sure your hygiene and personal appearance are always up. You can’t expect to land Ms Universe if you look and smell like Mr Riverton City dump.

Principle # 3

This one is called ‘Get your mind right’. You do this by keeping three things at the forefront of your mind when you’re dealing with a prospective girlfriend.

1. Even Tyson Beckford and Tom Cruise had a hard time getting women, so you can too. 2. Every woman in the world doesn’t have to like you. 3. There’s always another woman who’s worth your time. That last fact is most important, and every prospective girlfriend should be aware of it, just make sure you don’t say it to her face, use other more subtle ways.

Principle # 4

Don’t take yourself too seriously with women. You’re going to endure a lot of ups and downs when you’re out there trying to be Mr Desirable, and the only way you’re going to get through the downs is to call them learning experiences and use them to your advantage. For example, if a girl disses you don’t take it personally, figure out a comeback and use it next time you get insulted. The point is, don’t go freaking out every time something comes up to get you down.

So that should be enough to get you guys going in the right direction, and more importantly, away from the ‘Not Handsome Enough’ syndrome.

Principle # 2

This one is all about confidence in self. Confidence in self = Women will come to you. This is why you see some ‘not handsome enough’ men with some of the hottest women you will ever see in your life, while some pretty boys get no action. Looks don’t matter, confidence does.

You have to learn it, and the major thing to overcome is actually talking to women. After you’ve spoken to enough of them it starts feeling like you’ve spoken to all of them, including the Ms Universe types.

To the real ‘Mr Not Handsome Enough’, for the sake of all men everywhere, please leave that woman because staying with her is just setting a bad example. We don’t want the other disciples of Macka Diamond like your girlfriend getting any ideas. Women like that shouldn’t be in any man’s life. Remember men, if you have to buy her, she’s not worth it.

A question for Javier

I’m in love with my upstairs neighbour who just happens to be one of my favourite men – a soldier. Is writing a love note and sticking it under his door a good idea? Or do you have any tips on how I can seem like less of a stalker, but still get his attention?

Sticking a love note under his door seems romantic and all that, except for one thing. You don’t know this guy. For all you know he could be some kind of weirdo just waiting for a woman to invite him into her life, and he does the soldier thing to finance his habits.

Because you haven’t screened him out to know what he’s about, what his good habits are, bad habits are etcetera, it probably wouldn’t be too wise to do something so fulsome. Because of the nature of the gesture it’s a 70 per cent chance he’d interpret the note to mean you want to sleep with him, and then he might end up seeing you in that kinda light all the time. And I don’t think you want that.

Since it sounds like you are more interested in a relationship with the guy, I’d say maintain that unspoiled perception and go introduce yourself. When it comes to getting attention, there’s no better substitute than a good, old-fashioned face to face introduction. That way you can take your time and get to know the guy before you fall in love.

Your problems are never too huge, too weird or too small for Javier. Email allwoman @jamaicaobserver.com, or fax:968-2025.