I hate being single!
I’M single and I’m loving it!” It’s the unattached woman’s mantra, hastily uttered when she’s asked about her status – a kind of security blanket most times, to protect herself from the harsh world expectations that she be paired off to be happy.
She’ll proudly declare it when an unwelcome suitor crosses her path; after a bitter divorce; at the mid-life manless crisis; and after her married friends have poured out there hearts to her, following that heartbreaking, tear-filled argument they just had with their spouses.
And when she says it, sometimes those with partners feel so miserable, that they yearn to be in the shoes of the single woman who turns her own keys, makes her own decisions and pays her own bills.
Some singles even make it appear that where couples often live in torment, life as a single person is filled with total bliss and they would do nothing to change their status. But Shakespeare puts it aptly – ‘all that glitters is not gold’ and and truth be told? Many singles hate being single!
In fact, many are so jealous of loving couples that they often weep in private if only to share similar experiences.
“It sucks like hell!” 21-year-old Venrice Henry told all woman. “I have come to realise that if you have never been involved then you won’t have anything to miss, but if you have been involved before then you get used to that kind of life, so when that ends you just go through the day all lonely and miserable.”
She explained that she doesn’t hate singleness but it is a very boring road to tread.
“It’s not about hating singleness, in fact I suppose you can enjoy being single, but being involved before also makes you get used to this dream. Then the tragedy hits and all your dreams are shattered. You are left with no one to talk to in that special way. There is not that one person you can actually call your own. You have no one to reach out to at the end of the day – that is the hardest part.”
Henry explains that seeing couples gives that nagging feeling that she is missing out on something wonderful.
For others like Kim Briscoe singleness can be liberating but for the most part.
“Somedays it’s kind of liberating, but other days when I’m leaving work, I feel that, ‘oh God I should be going home to somebody to talk about my day, get a hug, a kiss, to feel that special love’. It is frustrating really,” she said.
Briscoe says whenever she sees couples she does get jealous and resorts to internal moping and sulking and falls into bouts of self-pity.
“If you reach a certain age – say 30, and you don’t have anybody, people feel that something is wrong with you,” 27-year-old Claudine McCalla, an Ensom City, Spanish Town resident said.
“A lot of times people feel that is your fault why nuhbody don’t want you. They don’t stop to think that maybe you are too busy trying to earn your money and that you are the one not ready for any commitment!” She explained that her family is always badgering her that she is getting old and it’s time she find someone.
Twenty-four-year-old Tally Wright a “six feet, three inches, 198 pound, very pleasing to the eyes” single man says it feels weird to be single, especially since he was involved in a two-year relationship that ended six months ago.
“You get really lonely, you have no one to talk to, to feel close to, to make love to,” he said. “Sometime you feel like fish out of water.” He noted that his singleness is painful, to the point where whenever he sees his friends with their girlfriends, he gets quite jealous.
To catastrophise the heartache, refer to a United States Centres for Disease Control study done in 2005, which showed that married people are generally healthier than individuals who are single.
The report showed that persons who were married were less likely to suffer from health conditions such as back pain, headaches and psychological or stress-related disorders. Additionally, they were less likely to smoke, drink heavily or be physically inactive.
Similarly, a study conducted in 2003 by Dr Linda C Gallo et al, showed that married women aged better than their single counterparts.
It’s enough to make you heartsick.
In a bid to help, all woman compiled advice given by our local experts for similar situations, and offer these suggestions for coping with being single.
1. Reinvent yourself if you realise that you may not be attracting quality persons of the opposite sex. Conduct an audit of your life and decide how you will change yourself in order to get the desired result, without having to sell your soul. Don’t see doing this as compromising your standards, but as the most effective way to get you what you want – that nice husband!
2. Don’t catastrophise the situation. How you deal with your status will depend on where your thoughts are leading you, so change your way of thinking. Tell yourself that you have a great life, rather than expecting it to be miserable.
3. Get together with other single persons. Go out together to the movies, lunch, etc.
4. Take the time to do an evaluation of yourself to see if it is a character flaw why you are alone. Introspection at this time is good. Ask yourself: “Am I a friendly person? Should I change something about me – maybe the way I dress? Am I too controlling? Too passive?
5. Know that spending time alone can be good. Have good self-image and be healthy emotionally. When you love yourself, others will love you as well.
