10 arguments you must have before getting married

CONTRARY to fairy tales, marriage is not a bed of roses especially when you have unresolved issues before saying “I do”. Yeah, sure there are the perks, you get to walk around with a diamond on your finger, you are legal to enjoy each other, and you’ll be seeing more dough, but if you don’t take care of some things before going to the altar, all these things could be gone in a heartbeat.

Now we in no way are promoting all out fistfights, but there are some things you need to be clear on, to fight about before you take those vows. After you have had these little fights, you’ll enter marriage with a clear understanding of each others’ views on particular subjects.

1 The “when exactly do we carry the little ones” debate. Don’t even dare make a step to the altar without discussing procreation. Make sure you come to an agreement about how many children you plan to have and when exactly you want to hear those little feet running around the house. You might find that you only want to deliver one child while he wants to create an entire football team. But guess what, it’s best you don’t wait until after marriage to flesh this out.

2 The “what exactly is my role” argument. If his intention is to have you quit your job and be his personal maid, ironing, cooking and cleaning, then it’s best you argue about it before you vow to obey him at the altar. If possible, even do an itemised chore list before marching down that aisle.

3 The “whose church should we worship at” debate. If both of you belong to different denominations or faiths, make sure you discuss whose faith will take precedence in the household before entering marriage. Even if in the end you are going to decide to continue to go to your individual churches, it never hurts to be clear from beforehand.

4 The “don’t leave the toilet seat up” melee. This might seem rather trivial to argue over, but you might be surprised to know how many couples split over this. Women can be very meticulous when it comes to taking care of the house, so that petty grievances can blow up into something much bigger. Discuss these petty things that can create tension in the relationship later on.

5 The “when sex is out” feud. For the sanity of your marriage, you must have this discussion. Sex is such a big thing for a man, that it’s imperative that you discuss the possibility of you not being able to give in every night. That way he won’t feel cheated whenever you refuse him because of a headache. And discuss too how far you intend to go while in the bedroom.

6 The “how will the kids be raised” fracas. Will the kids be spanked or will they be sent to their rooms as punishment? Don’t know? Well you better have that argument before you enter into marriage. While you are at it, also discuss what schools your children will be going to, what role the grandparents will be playing and what you will tell the kids when they start asking about sex.

7 The debt debate. Love shouldn’t be about money, but many marriages split over this one central thing. It’s not entirely the most romantic topic to discuss, but if your future husband has hang-ups about spending, you need to know, and if you intend to spend his hard earned money on just looking beautiful, then he needs to know. While you are having that one out, just go ahead and discuss the type of house you hope to live in, the debts you both have and who will be responsible for clearing them. Oh yeah, it’s a great time to bring up the pre-nuptial agreement too.

8The argument about what changes you are expecting. What changes if any does he expect from you after you become his wife? Is he already telling you that the skirts need to be a little longer and the blouse ought to be looser? Will the makeup and false hair need to go? Before you end up losing yourself, you need to have that one out now, not after marriage.

9 The all-inclusive argument. This is a must have one before crossing the threshold. Now is the time to argue about his eating habits, which will probably make you a widow much sooner than you would like. Also talk about the role of the ex and his friends, what amount of vodka is allowed in the house and the proper way to dispose of his dirty clothes.

10 The structure of the wedding debate. Now that you are clear on all of the above, it’s time to have that argument about the wedding itself. Will you have a big one so you can invite all your girlfriends or will you have a small one so he can save some money? Should your cute little niece be the flower girl or should his daughter from a previous relationship? And we don’t even want to talk about that guest list. Some don’t even make it down the altar after that battle.