I’ll do anything…

SOME women would have a fit hearing that their husband had visited a strip club, but not 50-year-old Judith who has no problem with strippers treating her husband of 23 years to a few lap dances, providing that he shares the details with her afterwards.

She said she allows her hubby to patronise the clubs because she trusts him completely and she would rather him do that than become the butt end of jokes from his friends who go there with him as well.

“After many years in a relationship, it’s either you trust someone or you don’t,” she told All Woman. “When I want to go out he allows me to go out you know, because you can’t put people in a prison, or else the relationship won’t work.”

Her husband Karl agreed, saying that he loves the open relationship he and his wife share.

“To go out and see the girls dance makes me happy and I go and have a drink and enjoy myself,” said Karl.

When asked if he partook in anything else besides lap dances, his reply was, “You know any man that is a saint? If accidents occur, what do you want me to do?”

Karl said he started plying strip clubs about eight years ago after his friend brought him to one for his birthday. He has since made a habit of going at least once per month.

His wife has gone there once, but did not find the experience as fulfilling and has instead opted to spend her time watching television at home or visiting the country.

While many would find this type of relationship unhealthy, counselling psychologist Faith St Catherine said some women might find this to be the norm based on how they were raised.

“What one woman will tolerate, another woman may not and what may bother me, may not bother someone else,” she said. “The thing about it is that different people have different values and maybe in her value system, that is not a problem. It becomes a problem when it bothers you, but maybe her value system is just different from other persons’.”

St Catherine made reference to an example where although some women might be emotionally affected by their husband’s cheating or physical abuse, they continue in the relationship, convincing themselves that the person loves them.

“They say it doesn’t even bother them because they feel that they can’t do without this person and whatever these persons are providing, whether it is emotional or whatever support. so they say they just live with that,” she said.

She further added, “It is not healthy, because a relationship is supposed to be mutually satisfying and you can’t really love somebody truly if you don’t love yourself. And you can’t have a healthy relationship if you are unhappy all the while to make the other person happy.”

Below, a few women explain the lengths they went to keep their partners happy.

I did a threesome

Forty-year-old dental surgeon, Sharlene M, has been with her boyfriend for 22 years. Having had one child together and a five-year-old grandchild, Sharlene said she decided years ago that this was the man for her.

After sending her through college and helping her to establish her career, she believed that his request to have her perform a threesome was, despite her scepticism, the least she could have done to make him happy.

In fact, while she was reserved sexually, he was always the adventurous type, and she felt it would prevent him from turning to someone else whenever he had these “unusual” urges.

But she admitted she only did it once.

“He took me to a nightclub and invited one of the girls to touch me up. He got a kick from seeing me with other girls, so every now and then he would take me there. Then one night he invited one of the girls to a motel and that was where it happened,” she explained. “It was years ago and I was much younger. I guess I loved him so much that I really would have done anything for him. We got involved when I was a teenager so I just could not see my life without him. I guess he knew just how much I loved him and that I would have done anything to keep him.”

Sharlene said she never saw the other woman again, and her boyfriend told her that he had no further contact with her.

“I was very dependent on him and there were times I felt I would have died if he wasn’t in my life,” she explained. “I guess I was at the stage where I would have done anything.”

Today, despite still being a couple and having built a house together, Sharlene and the love of her life have still not tied the knot, but she believes that they will soon.

In fact, she said, despite the sacrifices made, she has been through a lot with him, including not being able to have a second child and having a two-year-old child thrust on her that he had produced with a another woman.

I was his other woman

In all her wildest dreams, being the other woman wasn’t something that Susie Burrows ever thought she would find herself being.

For her, it was a case of circumstances helping to put her in the position where she fell in love with the man before knowing everything about him.

“When I went into the relationship, he lied to me. He told me that the mother of his child lived abroad, but they were not really involved anymore,” Burrows told All Woman.

Burrows said she thought she could have gotten him for herself, but her dreams were shattered when she discovered that things were not as he had painted.

“I discovered that he was still having a relationship with her, but by then I was deeply in love with him. I should have had the strength to walk away, but I didn’t, instead I settled for being the other woman and tried my best to win him over completely for myself,” Burrows confessed. She said she treated him like a king, hoping that he would finally be hers and for a while it seemed that it was working as for two whole years they shared a beautiful relationship.

“I would see him often, go out with him and I thought we had a foundation to build on.”

After hearing that his child’s mother was pregnant with another of his babies, Burrows said she knew it was time to throw in the towel and call it a day.

I had his child

Janet Watkis wasn’t ready to shoulder the responsibility of having a child. In fact, she had her life all mapped out, that is until she met the love of her life who convinced her otherwise. Janet told All Woman that she thought she was doing the right thing giving in to her man’s demands when he persuaded her to put her studies on hold and have his child.

“Honestly, the way I felt about him, I would have done anything to keep him. I think deep down I was dealing with a low self-esteem issue. So when this super handsome guy came into my life, I couldn’t believe he was really interested in me. It felt great too that my friends all expressed how lucky I was to have him,” she reminisced.

That thought gave her a sense of power and so when he made the request, even though she was a bit uncomfortable at the idea, she allowed herself to give in to his desires because she just didn’t want to lose him.

One year after having his baby, Janet found herself all alone and stuck with the responsibility of caring for her child alone.

“It was just too good to be true. I was disillusioned. I thought that he would at least have the gall to take care of the child he convinced me to have,” Janet opined.

Would she do it again? “No”, was the emphatic statement. This time Janet says her needs are more important than any desire to be with a man.

I allow him to hit me

“I love him more than myself, obviously,” 24-year-old Nicole B said, explaining why she’s observing her fourth anniversary with a man who beats her regularly. “But sometimes you have to look past the beatings… towards everything else that’s good.”

The rest that’s good, she explains include “the pride at being the girlfriend of a medical student”, travelling often and having a man by her side when most of her girlfriends are still searching.

“He’s smart, so he understands the theory of scarce spoils and benefits – he knows fully that if I leave him today, a dozen women will line up to take my place,” she said. “I love him too much to allow that.”

And, said she: “The beatings are fewer now that I understand his ways and what he likes and dislikes. So I’d say we are progressing.”

The men say: ‘No man wants a woman like that!’

SOME women confess to loving their men so much that they have settled for doing things outside their beliefs in order to keep the man. Some have gone as far as furnishing their men with condoms knowing fully well they are having affairs. Some even become friends with the sweethearts.

But whether it is love, low self- esteem, lack of security or downright stupidity that steers the ship for these women, surprisingly, men have a different outlook on the matter. Thirty-two-year-old entertainment co-ordinator Chris B, says men will accept these sacrifices only to a limit.

“If it gets to the point where she feels she should do anything to please me it may be time to move on. As men we set our boundaries so we know what is acceptable and some things just aren’t,” he said.

Chris noted that since he is from the “new school”, he would, however, take his girl along to a strip club but not to have her getting involved with other women there. “Certain levels she should not go. We have cable at home, so if we want to get into other people’s sex lives then we can watch that together.”

A communications professional was adamant that no man wants a woman who would agree to do everything he says.

“No man wants a woman like that!” he laughed. “Those are just women you would keep on the side. My biggest wish when I was younger was that I would end up with a freak – someone who would agree to all my freaky desires. But those girls are just to have fun with not to settle down with.”

In his view, men want women who will keep them in check.

“No sah, I wouldn’t want a yes woman who would allow me to do anything and get away with it,” he ended.