No husband, no problem
IN a video making the rounds on social media, an older woman is stopped by a street interviewer and asked a provocative question: “Would you rather be a wife to an average man, or be the side piece to a football player?”
Without hesitation, she chooses the latter. She laughs, almost surprised at her own certainty, and explains that she has already lived the first option. She’s married to an “average man”. She has checked the boxes of commitment and partnership. And now, she would be perfectly fine with no strings attached.
“You get all the fun, get dinners, nice hotels… it’s fine,” she shrugged about her choice of a baller.
The clip is only seconds long, but it sparked much debate. Some viewers were shocked. But more were nodding in quiet understanding. Because beneath the surface of the woman’s answer was something deeper than a preference for luxury or excitement.
“It’s fatigue. She’s someone who has carried the weight of responsibility for decades and is no longer interested in being the backbone of a household,” explained counsellor Angela Dacres.
She said the woman’s comment taps into a broader cultural shift. “For generations, women were taught that marriage and family were the ultimate goals and that to be chosen as a wife was to win. But increasingly, women are questioning that narrative.”
We asked women, some of whom are safely ensconced in long-term relationships, about the shift, and this is what they said.
Betthany, 37, married two years:
Marriage feels less like a partnership and more like unpaid labour, to be honest. I’m always exhausted and miss my old life. Singleness is actually the freedom I long for. I’d rather be single with other options, honestly.
April, 26, engaged:
We’ve been engaged for three years and I‘m in no rush. Because I really want certain things that I don’t think comes in marriage, like freedom to travel by myself, freedom to spend money without having to justify it, freedom to leave if I not longer want to be married, and freedom to see all the fish in the sea. That’s more attractive to me than having a husband.
Renee, 30, dating:
I like the idea of being unattached, even if sometimes I feel lonely. But I am in control now, and I like that. I can raise my children myself, and have a parenting plan, and not worry about sharing a mortgage, or any long-term compromise. I’m good with just moments of pleasure without permanent ties.
Jhanielle, 28, separated:
Marriage demands more from a woman than she gets in return. It’s like a bad business plan, and I opted out of that fast, sold my shares! In a world where women now have more independence, we no longer have to ask if we can do it alone. Are we OK with the responsibility that comes with being someone’s wife, especially someone who’s average? I sure as hell was not! I deserve much more.
Valrie, 45, widowed:
I have done the family chapter, played the supportive partner, and it wasn’t by choice that I was given another chance, but I am appreciative nonetheless. I choose to stay single now not because I can’t commit to another man, but because I no longer feel obligated to go down that road again, because there is so much life left to live outside the ordinary.
