Fight for your man

WHAT do you do when you know another woman is interested in your man? Maybe she’s liking all his pictures.

She’s sending those late-night messages. She’s finding reasons to call him. Perhaps she’s a woman you know personally, and you’ve watched her getting a little too comfortable around your husband. And now you’re angry. Very angry. You want to confront her.

You want to put her in her place. You want to let her know, “That’s MY man!” But before you do anything, take a breath. Because how you handle another woman chasing your man says a lot more about you than it does about her.

Years ago, I wrote a column asking whether a woman should fight for her man. Many people completely missed the real intent of the word “fight”. They went straight to images of women knocking fists and pulling hair.

But fighting for your relationship doesn’t mean fighting another woman. Sometimes the strongest fight is the one you win without throwing a punch.

Know where your man stands

Let’s start here. You cannot control every woman who finds your husband attractive.

There will always be another woman who thinks he’s handsome, successful, funny or interesting.

That’s life. The real question is: What is your man doing about it? Is he shutting it down? Is he making it clear that he’s married and unavailable? Or is he enjoying the attention? Because ladies, don’t waste all your energy fighting a woman who may not even be the problem.

If your husband is committed to you, another woman can flirt until Christmas and it won’t change anything. But if he’s entertaining her, that’s a conversation you need to have with him.

Don’t compete

This is where many women get themselves into trouble. She starts dressing like the other woman. She starts watching everything she posts. She compares her body, her hair, her clothes, her age, her lifestyle.

Stop. You don’t know what that woman has that you don’t, and you don’t need to know. Your husband chose you.

Don’t allow another woman’s presence to make you question your worth. Competition can make you behave in ways that are completely beneath you.

You don’t need to become louder, sexier, younger or more aggressive to prove that you’re worthy of your own marriage.

Don’t give her the reaction she wants

Some women deliberately provoke wives. They want you angry. They want you to call them. They want you to send the long paragraphs. They want you to embarrass yourself publicly.

Don’t give her that satisfaction. You can be aware without being obsessed. You can be firm without being foolish.

And sometimes silence is not weakness. Sometimes silence is simply refusing to participate in nonsense.

Talk to your man

Now, this is where your attention should really go. If you have evidence that another woman is crossing boundaries, talk to your husband. Tell him what you’ve noticed.

“I’ve noticed that she seems to be getting very comfortable with you, and I’m uncomfortable with it. I need to know where you stand.” Then watch what he does.

Does he reassure you? Does he establish boundaries? Does he become defensive and turn everything back on you? Does he hide the relationship? His response will tell you more than her behaviour ever could.

Remember, trust is built through patterns. As I’ve said before, women often pay attention to whether a man’s actions match his words. Protect your marriage without losing yourself If your husband is willing to protect the marriage, work with him.

Talk about boundaries. Talk about friendships with the opposite sex. Talk about social media. Talk about what both of you consider disrespectful.

Don’t wait until there’s an affair to have conversations that should have happened years ago.

Marie Berbick is a certified master life coach, women’s transformational coach, ordained minister, author, motivational speaker, wife, mother and big sister dedicated to empowering women to heal, thrive and walk in purpose.

Connect with her at www.marieberbick.com or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.